BHM Day 29:The Cocoa Council

Today is such a BIG day for me. I mean, it's the last day of BHM which means that I no longer have to write a post a day. My carpal tunnel will be excited about it. It's the beginning of ANTM: British Invasion which means that I am sure to find out new levels of fuckery courtesy of one Tyra Banks. Today is New Month's Eve, which is exciting because it leads to new beginnings and gives me a chance to get drunk and make out with randoms. On top of it all, it's also leap day. Not sure what happens on a leap day but everyone else is in a tiz, so I just jumped on the bandwagon.

Even though there is so much going on today, I had one more BHM spotlight post to write. I've been thinking all day "Who should wrap up the month?" I mean there are a lot of Black people out there and I could really go on about any one of them. Hell I could even have shined it on the guy who looked like he was about to jump me as I walked into work today, but I decided to keep it classy this BHM. Instead, I am turning the light onto myself and my best friend Max. Yes I can win my own award. It's my blog and I make the rules around this bitch. OKKK?

I picked us for a bunch of reasons:

1.) We have really owned the reverse Oreo pose in the above photo
2.) We are forever educating cocoa inhibited individuals on the virtues of our cocoa culture
3.) I wanted to make a point that BHM isn't just for the rich and famous. You can ball on a budget and still live the dream!
4.) We created the Oreo dance move. That was truly a game changer.


Beyond those reasons, it still is cool to me that Max and I have both broken so many stereotypes and overcome obstacles. We both graduated college. Max even went on for further schooling. (always trying to show me up) At least one of us (me) swims. Our rap sheets are clean (NOLA foolishness doesn't count right?) and we are both gainfully (girl I guess) employed. I know these things sound completely unremarkable but you have to keep in mind that the statistics can be bleak for Black men in this country. We have been fortunate enough to beat the odds and that should be applauded. Go on, I'll wait.. I've got all damned night. Clap! (hands optional)

In all seriousness, Max and I aren't that odd anymore. That's why it still shocks me when people are so shocked that I am so well spoken. LIke am I supposed to sound like a character out of "Roots" or "The Color Purple"? Get out of here before I beat you like Harpo! There are plenty of people out there just like Max and me. Thanks to the people who paved the way for us waay back when (I see you Frederick Douglass!) and people who continue to pave the way today (Whattup Obama?!) we are constantly redefining what it means to be black in America. Yes the Beyonces and the Diddies of the world are showing people different facets of Black people and black culture, but it's the Maxs and Ians of the world who you know. Y'all are NOT hanging out with Bey or Puff. Lesbi-honest here. I truly feel like it's the daily interactions that we have that help change the way people think. Did I stage a 1 million man march? Hell no! You know I hate marching. But I know I have proven that Black people can swim and that Black people can be excellent at science. I am still working on proving that I can be on time, but Egypt wasn't built in a day y'all...

BHM Bonus!

OK, so I didn't write any of this, but I read it on someone's wall today and thought it was funny as hell. Like it literally had me guffawing in my workplace. Get into it:



Dana Alexander
stolen from Brandy McMillen
LMAO! To celebrate the last day of Black History I bring you:

Please add these overlooked facts to your "firsts", while teaching your family, friends or students these important events during Black History month:

Dedrick "Slick" Lawrence - First person to wear a fur coat when it's not even cold outside.

Charles "Sweet Mac" Farnsley - First to call someone else a jive turkey.

TORNETTE PITTS: First to warp the time-space continuum by slapping
somebody into next week.

Sequoia Brimley - First person to go straight to church on Sunday after leaving the club earlier that morning.

LOUISE PERKINS: First person to attempt to climb into a casket at a funeral.

Rodney "Hot Rod" McKenzie - First to tell someone that they play too much.

THADDEUS COLLINS: First person to wear a shower cap outside.

CEEPHUS MCCOY: First to ask for change back from a church collection plate.

George Watley - First person to sneak an entire dinner into a movie theatre.

Amelia Wooten - First to start a soul train line at a wedding reception.

Edna B. Cash - First to refer to soap operas as "the stories."

MAVIS BLACKWELL: First to use the phrase "the illustrious" to describe her pastor (i.e. - "I am a member of 1st Corinthian Leather Baptist Church where the illustrious P.J. Jones is the Pastor").

Drew Graves - First to sell bootleg music and movies in barber shops and outside grocery stores.

TROY BOOKER: First to refer to a flavor of Kool-Aid as "red."

VIRGIL T. BANKS: First person to use the phrase "see, what had happened was..."

Johnston Green - First to refer to someone as "high yellow."

Precious Robinson - First person to keep her good jewelry in a Crown Royal bag.

Jamaica Masby - First to throw her hands in the air and wave them around as if she just didn't care.

Bennett "June Bug" McDaniel - Coined the phrase "My name is Bennett, and I ain't in it."

Jefferson Clarks - Normalized the practice of shaking up a handful of sunflower seeds before eating them.

UMAR X (birth name: Tyrone Griswold): First black male militant to marry a white woman.

Roland Jones - Perfected the "make four cuts on the side to keep the middle from bubbling up" method of frying bologna.

Jonathan "Lil' Johnny" Porter - First person to tell a woman he'd drink her bathwater.

EUGENE J. C. MILLSTON: First person to talk to the screen during a movie.

Marquita Parker - First person investigated by DCFS for burning her child's ears with a hotcomb.

TAWANDA DAVIS: First person to use hair gel to create baby hair all over her head.

WILL RICHARDS - First man to put something on his mama (i.e. - "TOUCH ME AGAIN AND WE GON' FIGHT, MAN, I PUT THAT ON MY MAMA!").

REV. W.J. SHANKLIN: Inventor of the church building fund.

Joseph Foster - First to inform people that you can't eat just anybody's potato salad.

Etta Lee Green - First person to call somebody else "worsome."

Rufus Wellsley - First man to shoot someone over a game of spades.

VERNON MCDANIELS: First person to eat a mayonaise sandwich.

Neeka "Nee" Hollsworth - First person to use the phrase "than a mug" to describe something (i.e. - "It is colder than a mug out here!").

Tyrone Clayburn - First person to refer to someone as a "play cousin."

Raynard Mack - First person to put a utility bill in a child's name.

JOHNNIE MAE WILKINS: First person to proclaim herself "too blessed to be stressed."

Georgia Buston - First person to attempt to heal a broken limb with
Robitussin and Witch Hazel.

WILLIE LAMBERT: First man to slap the taste out of somebody's mouth.

Trisha Jones: First person to have "been had" something (i.e. - "You just now getting that new Kenny Lattimore CD? Man, I been had that").

Jason Hill - First person to purchase $2 worth of gas at a gas station.

DELORES "BIG MAMA" COLE: First person to refer to diabetes as "that sugar."

ORVILLE WASHINGTON : First man to "wish a motherf**ker would...."

Buford Humphries - First man to walk into a salon and request that his hair be "fried, dyed, and laid to the side."

AMBROSE WILLOBY: First person to tell someone that they "don't know nothin' bout this"

Tenitra Hollbrook: First person to call somebody a player-hater.

Tamika Bunsen -First to begin a sentence with the phrase "me myself personally..."

SAMUEL HINKLEY, JR.: First person to take a picture in a Wicker Chair

Rorie McCauley. First person to tell somebody that she don’t have to do nothing but stay black and die
VONIQUE BATES: First person to successfully slap the black off of someone.

THALMA MARTIN: Cultivator of the "ni**a please" facial expression.

MAYBELL BROWN: First person to cover a piece of furniture in plastic for everyday use.

These Brothers and Sisters have been omitted from the history books. After having read this, you know why.

BHM Day 28: The Illuminati

Today I would like to take a quick moment to shout out the organisation behind Black America's success. Illuminati, please stand up! We all owe you a big muthafucking round of applause for the likes of Beyonce, Michael Jackson, Jay Z and basically anyone who is famous and has skin that isn't white.

If you are a complete moron, you wouldn't get that I was being sarcastic. I love a good conspiracy theory as much as the next guy but I'm tired of hearing of the Illuminati. It's gotten to the point now that when someone Black becomes famous, people start looking for ANY clue that they are tied to the group. Nobody was hollering Illuminati when Rihanna was begging he DJ to turn it up on "Pon de Replay" but as soon as she started making major waves, people were REAL quick to yell that she had signed up with the devil. Youtube is now cluttered with thousands of videos that dissect the videos, statements and even mannerisms of famous black people and then they break it down and tell why it's so Illuminati. People get a fucking life.

It irks me even more when black people are so quick to jump on the bandwagon. I think Illuminati is today's flavour of Haterade. ____ has more money/fame than me? Must be the devil's doing! Instead of hating, go out and get our own money/fame. I seriously would hope that after 27 days of me showing various black people (and a few whites for fun) that people would get the idea that Black people can be whatever they want. You want to play basketball? Go ahead. Be a singer? Sure! Hell, if you want to run the country, you can be president now. That is what BHM is all about to me, remembering all the endless possibilities and the people that helped make those possibilities endless.

SO the next time you hear someone talking that booty chatter about Illuminati, I urge you to give them a strong side "I hope you know the Easter Bunny ain't real either" side eye. In other news: if the Illuminati is real, please don't ruin my credit in retaliation. Thanks!

BHM Day 27: Oprah

So I woke up to this video today and I was instantly reminded of how awesome this woman is. She stopped her show last year but still continues to be HBIC.

Oprah somehow managed to work her way into the hearts and minds of America. She wasn't the prettiest, the thinnest or the most white washed, yet she got to a place where she would mention a product a million of women would run out and buy it. How did she do it? Hell if i knew I wouldn't be writing this blog I'd be on television giving away my favourite things and screaming celebrity names. Alas, I am not :( No, but seriously, I think the key to her success is being someone that everyone can relate to. Yes, she is rich as hell, but she doesn't come off as snotty. She still talks the same and never randomly picked up a British accent (Oh hey, Madonna!) We have all seen her battle her weight and that is something that people in the flat states can relate to.

I wasn't sure how she was going to fare post talk show, as the OWN network hasn't really taken off the way many anticipated. Building a network from the ground up is no easy undertaking. I still think that O is winning. She is able to do what she wants and how she wants to. If that's not the definition of a boss then you need to go ahead and tell me what is. Go on. I'll wait.... See, told you!

Oprah is incredible. Seeing someone who is fearless in her approach to life just is an inspiration to get up, get out and do something. Maybe I might get started writing that book! Hell, I could start filming that pilot for that show I've always wanted to do. Shoot, I may mess around and apply for grad school!! First I should probably put on pants. Oprah would put on pants, right? Anyway, this isn't about me, it's about Oprah. I feel like someone should knight her (or Dame her?) or give her a Nobel Prize. Until then I guess the BHM spotlight will have to do. Oh, and plus I ALMOST forgot about this gem of cunty dramacality that she blessed us with:

An Open Letter to Rihanna

Hey Ri!

It's me Ian. I haven't written you in awhile, but I've been busy and shit. You know how that goes! Ok K K?! Anyway, I'm going to get straight to the point. WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH YOU!? I have stood by your side through the good times and through your beatdowns. Hell, I was even there through the Sideshow Bob hair. How do you repay me!? By acting a damned donkey, that's how.

I remember when you were talking to Diane Sawyer about the Chris Brown "incident" and feeling sick to my stomach. I went through it for you. I bought (yes paid my US dollars for it) "Rated R" and even though people thought it was dark and moody, it really struck a chord with me. I think it's your best album to date. Then you lightened up and got LOUD. You seemed like you were ready to leave the drama behind and have fun again. That a girl! Shake off that negative and do something fun! You quickly put out 2424230 singles and had your sights set on the next project.

Now, we are in the Talk that Talk era and I guess sales aren't what you wanted. After the smash success of "WE Found Love" people were surprised that you didn't kill on the charts. "You Da One" apparently didn't do what it should have, which is weird since i LOVE that song, so you rushed to a Jay Z assisted track, "Talk That Talk" Even that song doesn't seem to be catching fire so you reverted back to some stunt queen 101 foolishess: You got your attacker on a remix to a song.

One more time: YOU HAD THE MAN WHO TRIED TO RE-ARRANGED YOUR FACE DROP A VERSE ON YOUR NEXT SINGLE. What in the fuck have you been smoking? (besides reeefer?) Your career took off after the assault. Many accused you of using it to sell albums. It didn't help that you released an album RIGHT after finally talking about it. I said "back up off her, it's her right..." You wanted to be the voice of battered women and give them strength. Is this how you do it? Ike beat the hell out of Tina. I'm guessing she came to some sort of peace over it, but you didn't see her bringing his ass up on stage to do "Proud Mary" You KNEW people were going to talk that talk (get it?) when they got wind of your collaborations (yes, that is an S, because you did a verse on his new single as well)

The RI-mixes came off as nothing but cheap publicity. Neither of you needed it. I get wanting to show that you are over it, but this just seemed like a bit much. Plus you still have all those girls out there who are ignorant enough to make comments like "Ohh CB is so hot he can beat my ass any day!" Not cool. It's one thing to forgive, but only a silly bitch forgets. Don't be a silly bitch. Remember, you WANTED to be a role model for young girls who were being abused. Beyond that, it is reported that your management team at Roc Nation was PISSED and tried it's hardest to block to singles from being released. They are trying to protect your image. If you aren't getting paid, then they aren't. Now you are missing with Baby Blue's money and Jay & Bey are NOT having that. Please take note that Jay actually took his latest pop princess, Rita Ora to the radio to introduce her new single. You think he did that for ALexis Jordan? Hell to the naw.

Do I think Rita has the potential to replace you? Eh, that's up for debate. She seems to be more in the lane of Katy Perry or Jessie J (girls who can really sing) but still... You can't take what you have for granted. You aren't a great singer. You aren't a great dancer. You can pose your ass off, I will give you that. Keep in mind that for packaged artists like yourself it all comes down to who is working with you.

1.) Ester Dean: She writes most of your biggest hits. She was just signed to Roc Nation

2.) Star Gate: They produced most of your biggest hits. They have been part of Roc Nation since the jump

OK, so if you keep playing games and fucking around your writer and producers will be contractually obligated to ignore your Barbadosian (I didn't feel like googling the real term) ass. Think about that the next time you want to be all rebellious and shit. I hope I wasn't too harsh on you. I do this because I love you. Well that and because I have a lot of free time now. I am including some footage of this Rita chick so you can see who people are saying is in line to snatch your wig. Study up. Remember you are a bad bitch and can do things without cheap stunts.



Sincerely,

Ian

BHM Day 26: Jay Z

Today's BHM spotlight lands on Mr. Carter. You may know him as Jay Z. I simply refer to him as Beyonce's sperm donor. He really deserves it. I'm guessing you want to know why, so here goes:

Jay Z is not what one would call classically attractive. He has been called Joe Camel and has very exaggerated features. I know that when I heard Bey was carrying his seed, I prayed the baby would look like the mother. My prayers were answered. Jay is a man who embodies the idea of Swagger. Yes, that word is hella overused, but I think it fits him. The man had enough swagger to land the hottest chick in the game. He has style and knows how to wear clothes well. He is the epitome of working with what you've been given. Way to prove that "ugly" dudes can win in love/life!!

Jay is a taste maker. People want to be like him. When he started wearing throwback jerseys they flew off shelves. He then switched it up and started with tailored suits and people took note. People wanted to drink Cristal until he deemed their comments racist and now you couldn't give Cris away in the club for free. Ok that's a lie. I love champagne and was taught to never turn away a free drink. Ok, that's another lie...no one ever taught me that, but I feel like that's just common sense. Unless it's like from some sketchy ass person and has a high chance of containing roofies, I'mma drink that drink. O KKK?! Moving on.

He is a business, MAN, not just a businessman. See what I did there? Ok I stole that from him, but it's totally fitting. He is a major person in the industry. He left Def Jam to be on his own at Roc Nation. Granted, he hasn't really put out too many people yet, aside from a few WIllow Smith singles and albums from J Cole, Cheryl Lloyd and Alexis Jordan, but it's beyond album sales. He is taking control of his music and brand. He manages Rihanna and has signed on the likes of Ester Dean and Stargate (the writer and producers of smashes across different genres) He is basically making money hand over fist. Baby Blue's college fund is looking REALLY good at these times...

Lastly, I do think the man is talented. After watching "Fade to Black" and seeing how the man works, I must admit that I gained a new respect for him. To be relevant in rap over the age of 40 is no easy feat and he shows no signs of slowing down. Gotta love a man who is constantly evolving and who claims his children! (we're going to overlooked that alleged baby you had with that chick a few years back Jay) Enjoy your day in the light, Shawn!

BHM Day 25: Dionne Warwick

With the passing of Whitney Houston, I was reminded about a bad chick that needs today's BHM spotlight. Who is it?! None other than Dionne muthafuckin' Warwick! What do you know about Dionne? Probably not enough. She is just more than nippy's cousin, y'all!

1.) She is behind Aretha Franklin as the most charted female singer with 56 singles hitting the Billboard 100 from 1962-1998

2.) She has a bunch of friends who are psychic and started a network for them. Her informercials kept a young Ian up many a nights during his youth.

3.) She smokes pot. She was caught in MIA with 11 joints in a tasteful case during a routine search at the airport. Basically she is a boss because the charges didn't really stick AND she didn't even have to take a mugshot. That my friends is the definition of a BAD BITCH. Paris Hilton, take note.

4.) She sang one of the best parts on "We Are the World"

5.) She sang " Say a Little Prayer for You" which is a pretty awesome song and should be loved by all.


Pretty much after watching her on television recently, I have decided that Dionne is cool people. SHe is that fun cousin who will not only let you smoke weed with her, but will show you just how to roll a blunt the right way, so that you get the most out of your pot. Hell she might even sell to you if you don't tell your parents! Dionne is like teflon. She doesn't give a damn! When Aretha was a no show at the funeral she just rolled with the punches with a "oooooook, alright!" I love her smokey, voice. I just smile when I think of her and I am so proud to shine this little light of mine on her. Enjoy your time Ms. Warwick.


Please take note of her awesomeness at 1:45

BHM Day 24: Drake

Today I am shining the BHM spotlight on Drake. Why? Because he looks like he could use a hug and I feel bad for him. That is all.


OK I am kidding. Kind of. In reality, Drake has posted some amazing numbers and has had great success with his two albums. He even managed to avoid the sophomore curse that I fear will slap Nicki Minaj on her ample ass. He is Canadian, has fair skin and is far from hood yet has been received by the rap community with mostly open arms (Common is NOT a fan). Do I think he is the most talented? Hell no! However, I cannot hate on someone who is doing such big things and who has not really tried to lie about his past *cough* I'm looking at you Rick Ross *cough*

But back to my first statement. What is going on with you, Drake? Do you need a hug? I know Rihanna played you bogus and broke your heart, but you have tons of women throwing coochie your direction. Catch it, homie! I mean, you have so much going for you, but come off as rap's emo child. I'm hoping that this award will perk you the F up and make you smile just a little bit. It could be worse... you could be signed to Bad Boy.

BHM Day 23: Josephine Baker

I don't think the world understands this but I'm here to let you know that Josephine Baker was a bad bitch. She was born in the Lou (like Nelly) but rose to fame in France. She was suffering from Kelly Rowland syndrome (not loved in the US, but appreciated in Europe) before Kelly was even born! She played a role in the French Resistance during WWII and was so big in the Civil Rights movement that Coretta Scott King asked her to be the leader after MLK was assassinated. She replied "hell to the naw, my kids aren't ready to be orphans!" Ok, I exaggerated and that quote is kind of bogus because I made it up, but that's basically what she said.

Ms. Baker was bisexual before it was cool. She used her sex appeal and was known as being an awesome entertainer. Basically she was Beyonce of her day. Well, if Beyonce was helping resist the Nazis and helping to give Blacks rights. I mean they both can shake a tail feather and whatnot, but maybe not such a good comparison now that I think of it. Whatever. Anyway, I think she is totally worthy of the BHM spotlight today and every day. She was doing things way back when that are still inspiring performers today. Did y'all peep the Bey- phony pony? Get into it!

Here's a parting shot:

Bang.

BHM Day 22: Maury Povich

Once upon a time Maury Povich used to be a serious journalist. Then he ended up on "A Current Affair" and shit just went south. I'm not talking about the past today, but the present. Today Mr. Povich hosts a show that basically just has a bunch of loose women on there who bring dudes on their that they've slapped skins with to ask "Are you my baby's daddy?" He used to only do these shows every once in awhile, but now I think that's pretty much all he does. Most shows involve a DNA test and a bunch of Black folks acting a damned donkey. Before names like Steakandshakia Jenkins would trip him up, but now he navigates even the most ridiculous of names with ease. Black people like him and feel comfortable enough to tell him things like "I slept with 13 guys and have no idea which one fathered my child" That is deep. If that's not Pass, then I don't know what is. So, today for Maury's undying commitment to keeping Black families together (yeah, I know it's a stretch, but come on) I shine the BHM spotlight on him!

BHM Day 21: Lionel Richie

Today I am placing the BHM spotlight squarely on Lionel Richie. He is not just the man who raised Nicole Richie. He was also a member of the Commodores. He sang, Brick House, y'all! That alone is enough for you peasants to bow ALL the way down. But no, he went ahead and owned the 80s with his music and songwriting. He helped pen one of the greatest songs ever: We Are the World. He earned the title "Black Barry Manilow" but I think he is way cooler than Barry. Give the man his props.

More recently, people were reminded of Lionel's awesomeness when Enrique, who I really thought had died, sampled his song. It hit the top of the charts and people who were alive in the 80s were all "Oh right, I remember that song! It used to be the jam!" Ok, maybe it was jus me who said that, but whatever... So for Lionel's contributions to music in the 70s, 80s, and even last year, I raise a glass to Mr Richie.

New Music: Chris Brown feat Rihanna "Turn Up the Music Remix"

Here is one of the two remixes they unleashed today. It's damn near impossible to find Birthday Cake. I'm sure Jay and the Illuminati have seen to it being removed from the internet in record time. The song is still "ok" to me. Rihanna on it is just "ok" I mean for such a huge collaboration and publicity stunt I was wanting something HUGE.

BHM Day 20: Michelle Obama

So today is President's Day. I could shout out Barack, but instead I think I will shine the BHM on his wife, Michelle. See, Michelle Obama is a bad chick. I mean, she has great style, which she has made an effort to make accessible to the masses. People can relate to a chick who cops a J crew dress and who rocks Banana Republic. I can't remember such a stylish first lady! I guess in my lifetime, I've seen a Reagan, two Bush wives, and Hillary Clinton; all of those women were yawn inducing on the fashion front.

As far as causes, I really don't remember what any of the other first wives stood for except Nancy Reagan and her Just Say No campaign. That was no only unpopular, but clearly didn't work. *hard side eye to all of his friends who SWED. You know who you are. Anyway, Michelle has decided to tackle fat kids. Boy am I glad someone has chosen this cause. There are a bunch of fat kids running around and people think it's fine and dandy. You know what? It's not! I mean, it's not healthy. Plus, if they grow up and then lose weight, they are forced to have to dodge pictures of what they looked like as a fat kid. I speak this ish from experience. :( Thank you Ms. Obama for standing up and saying "Oh hell naw! This ish ends NOW!! Barack, go on and get my jumprope!"

See Michelle seems to be really into the cause. Need proof? Look at her damned arms. I remember when I first started getting some definition on my arms, my sister Simone said, "wow you have those nice Michelle Obama arms now" Granted, I am a man and that kinda hurt my pride, but then I decided to own it. Michelle was seen on Ellen doing pushups. I don't watch Ellen, but I'm going to assume they were one handed and she was clapping her hands in between pushups. It's my blog and I can imagine shit going down however I please. She teamed up with another bad bitch, Beyonce Gisele Knowles to remake a Beyonce song into a song that would make fat kids put down their Big Mac and shake off some pounds.

I have been inspired by Michelle. I know that she has a white house garden. I have since purchased some cilantro and some spearmint for my own garden. Granted, she grows veggies and shit for salad. My plants are for guacamole and mojitos, but at least I am growing it. Get off my case, haters!

So all this goes to show why Michelle Obama is more than just a first wife. I have the creeping suspicion that she is truly HBIC around the White House. She dresses well, and has brought a vitality back to a stuffy White House. Plus she is trying to make the rest of America's kids as fit and fantastic as her own, what more could you people want?

BHM Day 19: Muhammed Ali

So today, Muhamed Ali turned 70. Damn. This man did so much in his career and is such an inspiration to many that I felt it only right to make him today's choice for the BHM spotlight.

Now before I go on, I must say that I know nothing about boxing. I just know two dudes get into a ring and beat up on each other senseless. However, I do know that Ali was great. I mean, I've seen clips of him fighting and my heart goes out to his opponents. He was bad! Plus the good thing about him is that he knew he was bad. He could smack talk like no other. His ability to back up his claims is probably what helped make him the greatest. Plus, he never had to bite anyone's ear off.

In addition to knocking mofos out, Ali was political. He refused to go to Vietnam to fight a war he didn't support. According to him, no Viet Cong ever called him nigger, so he had no issue with them. That comment alone was enough to sum up so much of what was going on in America at the time. Here we were, going to war that so many opposed while back at home, Blacks weren't treated as equals and people weren't trying to talk about it.

So to brotha Ali, I say thank you. Thanks for being so badass. Thanks for being a voice when your people needed one. Thanks for being the greatest.

BHM Day 18: The Church

Today Whitney Houston's funeral happened. It still seems so freaking surreal. I watched the service stream online, for which I am thankful. I mean 1.) I'm happy that the family allowed us into such a personal affair and 2.) I'm glad that TMZ was able to stream it so those of us without a TV could watch and celebrate Nippy.

The service took place in Whit's home church in Jersey. I tuned in late but when I started watching there was a large choir singing and the place seemed like it was filled with such energy. I automatically thought "damn, I bet if I grew up in a church like this, I would be MUCH more involved now" When I lived in the South side of Chicago, I went to a predominantly Black Methodist church. Then I moved to the suburbs and went a mostly White church. Both were traditional and tame churches. There was no dancing in the aisles. People didn't say "Amen!" "Praise him!!" or anything else. Basically you walked in, sat down, listened for an hour (but what felt to me like 15 hours), and then went on your merry way). It all felt hella boring growing up. I remember when we moved, going to different churches to see where we would end up worshiping. We went to a Baptist church. It felt HUGE. It had a live band and people were dancing in the aisles catching the spirit. Now that's what I'm talking about! Entertainment for days!

The church has always been a big deal to Black folks. It was at the centre of the Civil Rights Movement. It has given rise to so many mainstream singers (Whitney, Brandy, etc) and has been an influence in music. Where do you think Aretha and most of these divas learned all of their runs that made them famous? Yup, you guessed it-- the church! If you didn't guess right, then you are stupid and should read a book when you are done with this blog. The church has been the backbone of Black culture and has helped so many. All these good contributions to society and I haven't even touched on the fashion! The hats! The suits! The now and later gators! I could go on for days, but I won't.

The church, like anything else is not above scandal and corruption, but today I'm not talking about that. I'm keeping it positive. Today's funeral has given the general population a glimpse inside of the church and what it means to Black people. The ceremony was uplifting, joyful and full of music. Watching it, I literally laughed, cried and sang all by myself. It just goes to show just how important and positive a building with a bunch of people sharing the same beliefs can be.

A clip of Whitney from "The Preacher's Wife"

BHM Day 17: Angela Bassett

Today we shine our BHM spotlight on the amazingly talented actor, Angela Bassett. She studied her craft at Yale and really has given some awesome portrayals of some strong black women:

1.) Tina Tuner in "What's Love Got to Do with It'
2.) Rosa Parks
3.) Betty Shabazz in 'Malcolm X'
4.) Katherine Jackson
5.) VOletta Wallace in "Notorious"

She is a great actress who carries herself with such class and grace. I really respect the work she does and the standard that she sets for other Black actors. With all that being said, I love her playing Bernie in "Waiting to Exhale" She played the hell out of that role and made that character so damned easy to relate to. Here is one of the best scenes from that movie:

BHM Day 16: Grace Jones

When I was younger, I remember seeing this woman on television and being afraid of her. She was so weird and out there that it just made me uncomfortable. Who is this woman? Grace Jones, duh! I hadn't really thought of her for awhile, to be honest, but then I was just talking to someone recently about over the top personas and the person was of the mindset that Lady Gaga was such a pioneer and doing something so new that had never been done before by anyone in existence. I had to tell them to shut the hell up and then I dropped some knowledge on a ho


Grace Jones is actually pretty. She has great bone structure and a look that was good enough for Andy Warhol. Hell, she was actually a successful model in New York and Paris. She actually just chooses to push the boundaries and ideas of what is beauty. That was a big feat in the 70s when people were even more obsessed with anglo beauty than they are today. When I was younger I think seeing a woman with a flat top fade was weird to me. LIttle did I know Grace was rocking the hairstyle in the 70s before it became the rage in the 80s. Trendsetter!

Speaking of setting trends, let's please just stop and take a minute and recognise that Ms Jones is still influencing fashion today. Her angular clothes and padded ensembles inspired the likes of Rihanna and *gasp* even Lady Gaga.

Here, she has the Rihanna Red AND the same type of body art as seen in "Rude Boy" I ain't never lied, y'all! Told you!

Pretty much the reason why I have a new found love for Grace Jones is that I can now appreciate how groundbreaking she was. On top of that she's Jamaican, so there's a very high chance that she may be a cousin of mine. Grace paved the way for today's stunt queens (I'm talking about you, Gaga, Nicki, Rihanna etc) Come to think of it, she just might be your favourite stunt queens favourite stunt queen. This is why she is so deserving of today's BHM spotlight!

Two clips from her in Boomerang, where she pretty much made the movie:

BHM Day 15: Like a Prayer Video

Yes, I know Madonna isn't exactly black but she is down with Black people. If you need photographic proof, just google Madonna and Big Daddy Kane. You'll come across a picture of Madonna, Naomi Campbell and Big Daddy Kane all naked and getting freaky. Clearly Madonna is at home being the creamy filling in a freak sandwich. Live ya life, whore!

Today's post isn't about that. I am talking about her video for 'Like a Prayer' IT was controversial for a bunch of reasons:

1.) Madonna bopping around in front of burning crosses

2.) Madonna is getting freaky with a Saint who is *gasp* BLACK

3.) Various religious references like stigmata and such

I praise the video for Madonna tackling interracial love. She was an early adopter of cocoa curiosity and earned her certification waaay before it became accepted. On top of that, she introduced us to the Martin de Porres, the saint of mixed raced people and people wanting interracial harmony. I didn't even know he existed! Bet you didn't either. The video also just deals with racism in general. I like the fact that a White pop star who didn't NEED to address it (and ended up offending so many people when she brought it to their attention) chose to do so. Granted, her methods were a bit extreme and in your face, but that's Madonna for you.

I think the best part of this video was the Black choir. It showcased them to people in flat states who were maybe completely unaware of how awesome black church choirs are. I grew up going to a predominantly white church so I have always had a fascination with Black choirs. I think they make everything better. In fact I want one at my wedding. And at my 50 birthday. Hell, I want them to act as my alarm clock to wake me on on the daily. (how great would that be, seriously?)

Ok, I got swept up in the feeling. I'm back. Today let's shine our BHM spotlight on a video by a non Black artist that still did so much to create dialogue (and a few acting/singing gigs too) that ultimately helped Black people.

Moves Like RiRI

OK,
so Rihanna doesn't have the range of Beyonce, nor does she have the dance moves of my boy, Ciara. with that being said, I think she gave a solid Grammy performance. I had honestly forgotten that she can shake a tailfeather and do choreography. Thankfully Robyn reminded me and the rest of the world, all while wearing a Tina Turner throwback joint.


21221225635 by YardieGoals


I remember seeing the sneak peaks for her video and her hammering out choreography for the song. Then I remember being really disappointed to see her do nothing more than mosh in the video. That choreography came to live on Grammy night. I liked that it was simple, had some island swag to it and was executed by about 24380 dancers. I'm glad to see that Rihanna realised that more dancers is always better. We can thank Janet's Rhythm Nation video for driving that point home. Notice, I didn't even mention her daring attempt at singing live. And that shit was REALLY daring. Anyway, I'm keeping it positive, so pretend I didn't type those last two sentences. I guess I could just backspace to delete them, but I'm lazy as hell, plus I don't want Rihanna getting a big(er) (fore)head and thinking she's too cool for school. Do people even still say that?

BHM Day 14: R&B Crooners

Today is apparently Valentine's Day and people all over the world are running out and buying ridiculously oversized stuffed bears dressed in leather jackets (Well I don't know if that's all that common but I saw that shit at the grocery store an hour ago--I can't make shit like that up)and balloons. Today I am going to run with the theme of love and shine the BHM spotlight on R&B crooners. I'm talking about the Marvin Gayes, Teddy Pendergrasses of the past. The R. Kelly and Keith Sweats of the 90s. Today I can't really think of many crooners left. They are a dying breed who have left R&B so that they can wear skinny jeans and fist pump with David Guetta (Hey Chris Brown, yes I'm talking DIRECTLY to you), or rap (Trey Songz, please.just.stop.) Without R&B crooners people wouldn't have a soundtrack to get them in the mood. Then We'd have less babies being born and the human race would probably cease to exist. OK, maybe a bit dramatic, but that's how I roll. Here are some songs to get you in the mood. If you get pregnant, IT AIN"T MY FAULT, WHORE!

This one just gets to the point, which I am a fan of:




This man's voice is like velvet and makes people's mamas talk about wanting to take off their panties:




You can't deny the Pied Piper got baby making music for days:




Sometimes the best doctors don't have degrees:

New Music Video: Cassie King of Hearts

The wait is finally over! Cassie dropped a preview for this over a month ago and it looked hella sexy. People were all like:
1.) Cassie isn't dead? who knew?!
2.) She is totally loving showing off her new store bought titties
3.) This song is kind of fun
4.) Is she STILL trying to be different with the shaved head?

Apparently Cassie was feeling real CIARA when it came time to promotion time. All that time lapsed and people went back to not caring about her. Sad. Anyway, the song leaked AGAIN last week and now we get the video on Valentine's Day. Get it? It's Valentine's Day and she singing about a King of Hearts. Oh Cassie, you so witty honey child. Anyway, here is the newest clip from Diddy's main ball tickler:




She looks amazing throughout. Not sure why she insisted on doing a half assed dance. Either dance or just pose Rihanna style. I still like the song and the video is pretty to look at. Reminds me of a fashion ad. If the rest of the world is ready to buy remains to be seen...

BHM Day 13: Kim Wayans

So everyone knows the Wayans family. There is Keenan Ivory who was the force behind "IN Living Color" Damon Wayans starred in "My Wife and Kids" Marlon and Shawn had their own shows as well. Pretty much if you are a Wayan you are expected to be funny (which is weird as I think the Wayans on "Happy Endings" borders on hella corny) People often forget about Kim. She looks a LOT like her brothers, which is kind of sad, but whatever. Kim is crazy funny and talented and had some of the best characters on "In Living Color" I really miss her brand of funny and wish she was still coming on a weekly comedy show. Then again, she very well might be, but I lack a television and I'm too lazy to research this. So I'm just gonna long for the good old days. Kim Wayans, enjoy your day in the BHM spotlight!

Here is the character that came to me last night as I was talking about someone to a friend. Pretty much we both love the mutual friend but they were doing some ignant (no not a typo) shit and we were speaking on it, but didn't want to be the ones to gossip:




This is just another good parody of Crystal Waters:

BHM Day 12: Clive Davis

Yes, I am aware that Clive Davis isn't Black and this is supposed to be about Black History, but this is my thing so shut the hell up. I am shining the light on Mr. Davis because in the wake of Whitney's death I started thinking about how huge he was in her career and to music in general. He guided Whit's career in its early stages. When Whitney strayed and needed a comeback, she gave credit to Clive for putting her back on track.

Clive also was responsible for putting Alicia Keys on. He took someone who was a bit rough around the edges and turned her into one of the biggest names in music. He did the same for Jennifer Hudson after she LOST American Idol. I'm pretty sure she's ok with the fact that she lost her season. I don't even know who won.


Mr Davis clearly knows how to spot talent regardless of his race. WIthout him, the world might not have ever known Whitney, Alicia or Jennifer in the capacity that we now know them. It's crazy to think that a Jewish man could be so important to Black music. So today, I am going to shine the BHM spotlight on Clive Davis, an honorary brotha. Enjoy your status Mr Davis, but don't get crazy and think you can start dropping the N word. Also, I would really love an invitation to next year's pre Grammy party. Thanks!

**I just read online (so take it for what it's worth) that he was integral to the founding of LaFace and Bad Boy Records, both labels were responsible in signing tons of black talent. See, so this award wasn't so out of left field. Say you're sorry. I'll wait...

R.I.P Whitney Houston

Ok,

so I'm going to depart from the normal post and get serious for a moment: Whitney Houston is dead and I cannot deal with it. Are we related? No. Did I ever meet her? Hell to the no! So I guess you're probably wondering why I am being all emotional over this death. I am too. I haven't felt this way about a celebrity dying in awhile. There are a few celebrity deaths which really struck a chord with me. Among those, Aaliyah, and Michael Jackson. Aayliah was someone close to me in age and her death was so sudden and a shock that it hit me hard. Michael provided the soundtrack for the early years of my life and I felt like I grew up with him. I guess Whitney falls into the Michael category.

Tonight my super connected friend, Alica, sent me a text saying "Did Whitney die?" I immediately was chalking it up to yet ANOTHER celebrity being proclaimed dead by the hard hitting journalists of Twitter. Hell it just happened to Bobby Brown a few weeks ago. I replied with a "doubt it" and a second later she countered with "Confirmed" I still wasn't ready to buy it. I needed to see it on a CNN, MSNBC or some other major news outlet. The fact that my Facebook ticker flooded with "RIP Whitney" should have had me reach the conclusion sooner, but I was denying it until I got the proof I needed. Then the proof came. I could no longer deny it, but it still wasn't real to me. I sat in shock as my phone sounded off with numerous phone calls and text messages, many coming from people I rarely talk to/text.

As it sank it, I got pissed. Like seriously? I mean she survived what seemed to be the worst. How many of you remember that Michael tribute where she showed up looking like death and everyone was like "Ok, Houston, we have a problem"? She came back from that. Put out a CD and sat with Oprah and came clean about her drug use. Hell, even in recent interviews talking about her new movie, "Sparkle" Whitney was looking positively plump in the face. I couldn't even crack on that, as I thought "it's hard to gain weight and be strung out on crack" Hell, she was out with her on and off again boo, Ray J (yes Brandy's brother and Kim Kardashian's ex dick dealer) So here I am thinking that all is well in Whitney's world and that she was gearing up to come back to movies and music and then the carpet is yanked out from beneath me!? What. The. Fuck.

I pretty much skipped the bargaining stage. I love the woman but I am not trying to be all "why her and not me?" I'm a fan, not a damned fool. I went into the depression, where all seemed so bleak. I put on some Whitney as I began to type this and started thinking of all the music she had to offer the world. I mean, she was 48. If Aretha and Dionne Warwick are still alive and singing, so could she. I thought of her daughter losing her mother way too soon. I think what I thought about was the way she will be remembered. I mean after her being on "Being Bobby Brown" I know that many see her as nothing more than a joke. I may joke a lot about Whit and reference Being Bobby Brown on a daily basis, but I still had a love and respect for the woman. In fact, I was cheering the loudest when she left him and started making a comeback. Right now I think of watching the show with Mama Blake and her not wanting any part of it, because it made her sad. She didn't want to see someone she held in such high esteem debased to nothing but a cartoonish crackhead.


I am now on the road to acceptance. Sorry Miss Houston for reveling in your Diane Sawyer interview. I would totally watch it and memorised a good chunk of it. Sorry for loving Being Bobby Brown and for still saying things like "KiSSMYASS!" and "Not Todaaaaaaaaaaaaaay" You were just so damned quotable! I think for me, it was just nice to see you being normal on some level. You always came off as so polished, but it made you more human in my eyes and made my love for you that much stronger. I still listen to your music and it still affects me. Your "My Love is Your Love CD" reminds me of being in London and makes me smile every time I hear "It's Not Right, It's Not OK" You have so many songs that just put me in a great mood or songs that I can sing when I am feeling really sad and dramatic. Your rendition of our national anthem remains the best in my eyes (Sorry Beyonce) and gives me chills over a decade later. That isn't an easy feat. Your voice is a classic gift from God that the world will miss. I guess God's chorus just gained another featured soloist. R.I.P Nippy.

BHM Day 11: Latoya Jackson

Today, on this 11th day of BHM I am placing the spotlight squarely on Latoya Jackson. Why? Cause I can. Well and I am pretty sure that this Busy Boyd Blake Award might be the highest and only award the she will ever receive. She has lived in her brother and sister's shadow for most of her "career" It's time for the OTHER Miss Jackson to shine. Girl, step up and show out! It's your day and the world is your bitch!

BHM Day 10: Bill Cosby

Today we are going to shine the BHM spotlight on Bill Cosby. The man is a true inspiration. He started out as a comedian and then got his own show (not the easiest thing for a black man in the 80s) In his show he gave us a view of a Black family who was 1.) successful 2.) easy to relate to 3.) proud of being Black. That in itself is quite the task. The show had a long run and was part of my childhood.

Beyond that Mr. Cosby almost raised his kids from the show to be positive individuals. Malcolm Jamal Warner is doing his producing thing. Raven Symone transitioned from child star into woman without going the Lindsay Lohan route. Rudy AKA Keisha Knight Pullam even went on to graduate from Spelman.Lisa Bonet, well umm.. well she gave birth to Zoe KRavitz, who is gorgeous! (this is me keeping it positive during BHM) My point is that he held those kids to a high standard and it paid off. Most of the time the reality of Hollywood seems to be a bunch of actors thrown together who don't care about one another. I get the feeling that Bill Cosby acted as a true father figure and wanted the best for his kids (even Tempest, cause no one was caring about her ass. She was on some Jan Brady BS for the longest, am I right!?)

Bill also served as a spokesperson for Jello. I used to fuck with Jello all the time. I'm not sure how that relates to BHM, but I just felt like sharing. Anyway, I just wanted to take time out to thank Bill Cosby for being such a positive figure. IT's sad that now people just see him as an old, grumpy man who picks fights with rappers. Thankfully no rapper has really fired back at Bill. I don't think they'd be ready for the hell that Heathcliff Huxtable would unleash on that ass... Real Talk.

BHM Day 9: Queen Latifah

Today we are going to shine the BHM spotlight on Queen Latifah. I have always liked her. I remember when I first heard U.N.I.T.Y (whichch I used to think was "you an I.T.Y., which totally confused me as I had no idea what the fuck and I.T.Y is) and thought that it was interesting seeing a female MC who was kind of like one of the boys. She wore pants, rode motorcycles and didn't rap about her coochie. (lesbi clue #1)

She went on to go into acting and starred in the movie "Set it Off" which I never saw, but heard she was really convincing as Cleo, a hard lesbian who didn't take shit from no one. (lesbi clue #2) She had "Living Single" which had a successful run. I actually DID see that show and liked it a lot. It didn't feel like she was trying to hard and it made me like her even more. She earned herself a spot on the list of celebrities Ian would like to hang out with. Congrats, girl! She gained acclaim for her role in "Chicago" which I resisted seeing, but saw recently. It was decent. She did well in it.

Pretty much I think the woman is amazing. She is musically talented. She acts. She is business minded. Hell, she's even a Covergirl. Latifah launched her own line for CG that catered to people of colour. She did all that while staying true to herself and keeping things authentic. She has always had the rumours of being a lesbian surrounding her. I never really cared either way but was happy to see her stepping out and being comfortable. Plus I think she can serve as a positive role model to people from all paths of life.


Enjoy a throwback from an original QUEEN:

BHM Day 8: VH1

Today I would like to shine the BHM spotlight on a network dedicated to giving Black people a platform for self expression. No, I'm not talking about BET, but I speak of it's sister station VH1. This station started out being so white and skewed MUCH older; now it is trashy as fuck and a host to a bunch of trashy reality shows (many of which follow black people)

What caused the change in programming? I blame Flavor Flav. I'm still unsure how his ass got a show greenlit, but it proved to the execs at the station that White people were willing to watch Black people act a damned donkey. Come to think of it, Brother Flav paved the way, kind of like a He-Sorjouner Truth; he should probably get his own BHM shoutout. But it's too late, as I have already found the VH1 logo and I'm about to be late for work. No turning back.

So I just watched the finale of "Love of Hip Hop" on Vh1.com. It centers around a group of "friends" in NY who are all tied to hip hop. There are baby mamas, video hoes and wannabe singers. Most important of all, there is DRAMA. I really got into this show and I have VH1 to thank for putting it on the air. Before all of these predominantly Black reality shows, Black people were rare on reality TV and usually served as the angry character. (Yes, I'm talking about Coral from the Real World) Now we get to see a range of characters represented. Yes, many of these people are on some bullshit and aren't the best representations of Black people to the rest of America, but at least they are able to have their stories told.

So if you watch ATL Housewives, Basketball Wives, Love and Hop you aren't' just watching a trainwreck, you are watching progress. Thanks to the early efforts of VH1 Black people now have a way to show to America that they too are assholes just like their White counterparts. I'm pretty sure Civil Rights crusaders of the 60s are just loving how far we've come! (Ok, that was a blatant lie)

News: Kelly Rowland Has a Personality!

So I woke up early this morning today (with the sniffles nonetheless) and saw this clip of Kelendria Rowland on Chelsea Handler. I thought she looked stunning in the thumbnail for the video, and clicked just to see what she had to say. She was actually funny and entertaining to me. Who knew? I mean she's always seemed a bit boring to me, so it was nice to see her step up and show out a bit. I'm not sure if all credit goes to Kelendria, or if I should be giving Chelsea credit for making her funny. It's black history month, so I'm gonna stick with my girl Kelly!





Also, K Rowland has the BEST skin. I'm guessing she uses a LOT of cocoa butter. And her chesticles? Wipe. Me Down. They are up, in your face and ready for camera time. I ain't mad at cha!

Meet My New Nephews

Scoring these exclusive first peaks at the Blasian twins was no easy feat. Thank me later.

BHM Day 7: Nell Carter

Go ahead and take in all the heat that Miss Carter is serving up for the kids. Go on... I will wait. Today is the seventh day of BHM and I think it's time to shine the spotlight on Nell Carter. I'm pretty sure she's dead (but too lazy to Google it) but I think of her randomly. She was one of the first images of a sassy Black woman I had ingrained at an early age.

For those of you who didn't watch the show, Nell was the maid to a widowed Polish guy and his kids. Nell wasn't your typical "yes sir!" maid; She was one of those maids who was all "that is NOT in my job description!" (even when it sometimes was)She serves as an inspiration to me today when my bosses be tripping and asking me to do shit I don't feel like doing. I serve up some Nell Carter side eye, an eye roll and a "that is NOT my job!" Then I get reminded that my job description is all encompassing and I go on to complete the task.

Beyond Nell's sass, she also proved that people are people. It may seem on the surface that a white family with a black maid in the 80s was a bit degrading, but that's not the case. Nell raised those kids like her own and they loved and treated her with the love and respect of a mother. Sometimes they would get out of line (yes, I'm talking about you Joey Lawrence) and she would have to check their ass with a quickness. For her contributions to mankind, I say THANK YOU SISTER CARTER! Now please enjoy the theme song from "Gimme A Break" which might as well be my own theme song.

BHM Day 6: Bob Marley

Ok, so the Super Bowl tried to take some of the shine away from Black people, but this is out month, damnit, so I'm pressing on! Today I shine the BHM spotlight on Bob Marley. Today is his birthday, so I thought it'd be a good idea to celebrate a man who did so much and just seemed like he'd be fun to chill with.

Bob Marley somehow crossed over to America and won over the hearts and minds of people. It just goes to show that music really is the international language. He introduced the US to not only the rasta culture, but also reggage music. He simultaneously gave people a new sound and a reason to smoke weed. Pretty impressive. Sadly suburban kids all over the country now see Bob as someone who is on their blacklight poster or just as some huge pot icon. He was so much more.

Oh, while I'm on the subject of pot and Jamaicans... (White) people, please stop asking me if my parents smoke weed. I don't ask if your mom is on meth or oxy. You are really ignorant and should slap yourself in the face.

OK, I got off topic, but I'm back! Bob was a great man who left the world great music with a great message. Happy Birthday to a true legend! Get into some island music right now:

Super Bowl Zest 2012

So yesterday was the Super Bowl. I would by lying if I said I was excited about anything other than hanging out with my friends, eating and having some drinks. I wasn't a fan of either team, nor did I really want any one of them to win because of a vendetta for beating my team. I just wanted to see a good game that kept me interested and this year didn't disappoint. I got what I needed.

Somewhere in the middle of the game, Madonna came out. She didn't just come out, but she came out in a super homoerotic, dramatic fashion, which I liked. The Roman setup was pretty damned genius. I am glad she came out to "Vogue" The dancers, costumes and song choice made her entrance the gayest of all time. Physically, she looked amazing. I thought the projection of the Vogue covers was HUGE. HUGE!

She launched into "Music" and brought out some parcour guys. Those dudes are badass. Then she walked up to some dude that looked like Cupid with a Jew fro. I was about to hate and then he started bopping around on a rope and I had to promptly shut the fuck up. Then Madonna got on a platform and started jumping around looking like she was on a rope too. That was smart. Rope walking and bouncing isn't' something you learn overnight. So I'd fake it too. LMFAO (The current reppers of the Jew Fro) came out and was the first hint of Madonna trying to bridge the gap between her era and what the kids are loving today. Hell she even had a mashup with them. I blame Glee for this. SHe did the shufflin' dance which made me smile. Then LMFAO helped take off part of her skirt without any coochie coming out (I'm staring DEAD at you Justin Timberlake and Janet)

Then she launched into her new song, which no one seems to like. Nicki looked deranged, MIA flipped the bird and that's all I'm gonna say.

A marching band came out and Cee Lo came out with them. Madonna "sang" some of "Open your Heart" "Express Yourself" and then she launched into "Like a Prayer" It was a pretty dramatic way to end the performance. Ooop! I spoke too soon. Her dropping into the stage in a plume of smoke was even more dramatic.

Ok, so here are my thoughts in no particular order:

Why did Cee Lo have on more sequins than Madonna?

Was Cee Lo the only one to sing live?

Why were people so upset that she was lip syncing? 1.) It's the Halftime Show and it's pretty standard to do so. 2.) She's Madonna and not exactly the best vocalist to begin with. For her, it's about the performance more than raw vocals.

Why did MIA do that? Like seriously? I mean I know she needs attention and love, but that's not the way to do it. I thought it was interesting that Madonna chose to play it safe with regards to sex in this show. I saw her on Leno and she made a joke about not repeating Janet because she doesn't like to do what has been done before (that's a lie, but whatever) I like that people were expecting something raunchy and she gave us something appropriate for families in the flat states. MIA had to come along and fuck it up.

When did her all black choir get some white? I do like Cee Lo singing the solo. He did the original sassy black woman justice.

Why are people tripping over her being "stiff" 1.) she's 53. 2.) She allegedly pulled her hamstring 3.) WE give everyone else a pass, but hold her to these crazy expectations. I mean I have seen Britney lok positively comatose and people are talking about how she "slayed it" Girl bye.

Was anyone else hoping that after she dropping into the stage she would reappear in some nosebleed seats like MJ did back in the day? No? Just me? Whatever, skip you then.



So pretty much Madonna not only delivered but did the damned thing. You don't have to love her or even be gay as hell to realise that she took on a pretty big task and was about to rise to the occasion. Oh, and did I mention that she's 53? Just marinate on that for a bit...

BHM Day 5: Football Players

As we all prepare for the kickoff to this year's SuperBowl, I would like to take a minute to shine today's BHM spotlight on black football players. I want you to take a minute, close you eyes and imagine the NFL without Black people. Pretty bleak, right? Truth of the matter is, Black men are what make the NFL so entertaining. They are the biggest personalities (Chad Ochocinco anyone?) and know how to talk the best trash. I mean, how many White dudes can you think of pulling off a touchdown dance with the finesse of his Black counterpart?

These footballers prove that people CAN come from nothing and end up living the American dream. They can get those houses, gator shoes AND a white girl! (Kanye reference, calm down) I mean, that is what I call living! They also serve as why sound investing is a good idea.They have come from being segregated to not only integrating, but also becoming quite a driving force. IN the 2010 draft a player cited his being White as the reason why four players got drafted before him. Never would I ever thought I'd see the day where someone would say that NOT being black was a reason for being looked over. We've come a long way, baby.

BHM Day 4: Tyler Perry

Everyone who knows anything about me knows that I am not a huge Tyler Perry fan. I am not into Madea and I'm pretty much sick of people telling me "good mornting" Let it go. I, however, cannot hate on another Black man getting paid. I mean TyTy Baby made the whole world stop and say "hey, Black people go to the movies and want to see other Black people on the big screen" and ran with it. His hustle is NOT to be fucked with and this is why I am shining the BHM spotlight on his ass.

I saw "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" numerous times as my friends would go out and get drunk and want to watch it. IT wasn't horrible. I saw "Why Did I Get Married" and that was decent. I guess I just don't see the big deal about his films; everyone from Black to members of team zest seem to be obsessed with his stuff. You don't know how many times zestlemen come up to me quoting Madea and then they are all shocked when I'm clueless/not trying to hear that noise. I guess it speaks volumes that he is able to cross over without having to whitewash his characters. I'm going to leave it at that. Enjoy your day Mr Perry!

BHM Day 3: Michelle Williams

OK, I know it's BHM, and I do realise that the chick in the above photograph isn't "B" by any means. She is as white as they come. I am not talking about her pale ass! I am talking about Michelle Williams, international singing sensation (girl, I guess?) I am shining the BHM spotlight on her because she exemplifies a woman who is on her grind. She came in to Destiny's Child to replace Letoya and Latavia and knew her place immediately: RIGHT THE FUCK BEHIND BEYONCE. She didn't make too many moves or talk too greasy, as she knew who was cutting them checks. I'm sure she knew that if anything were to happen to Bey, Kelly would be next in line to inherit all the fame and wigs.

Destiny's Child disbanded and she went on to record a Christian album. I am guessing that was Beyonce's daddy ensuring that Michelle fall off the pop radar. It worked. Then DC got back together and Michelle was ever so happy that her Metro PCS would be reactivated. Then they broke up for real for real. Beyonce launched into megafame. Kelly um... well she's big in Europe and Michelle was on RuPaul's Drag Race AND Broadway. Now you out there tell me who is on top!(Hint: not Michelle)

Alright, in all seriousness, Michelle has always been "the other girl" IT's always like "you know that girl in DC that's not Beyonce or Kelly?" Hell, Google Michelle Williams today (as I just did) and all the images relate to the White Michelle Williams. That alone would fuck with my head, but she holds her head up high and continues to work and push to do what she loves. Will she ever reach Beyonce fame? Hell to the naw! Slap yourself if you even thought about that question! BUT, she is a survivor. Hell, look at her bounce back after this tumble:

BHM Day 2: Princess Tiana

Another day in BHM means it's time to shine our BHM light on another person who has contributed to the cause. Today we are lifting up Sister Tiana. She is the star of Disney's 2009 animated film "The Princess and the Frog" As far as I know she is the first Black Disney princess. Yay for you girl!

In other news: Disney, what took you so damned long? I mean, you are an American company and there are a lot of black people living here. Cartoons and all of the crappy toys/marketing that goes along with them are important for kids. They give them something to aspire to or someone they can relate to. I mean, you guys made movies with Ginger, Asian and Persian leads. I am GLAD the gingers have someone to look u to them. I guess they are a minority that you don't want to piss off...

Anyway, let me stop being bitter for a moment. It's BHM and no one likes a bitter black man (unless you are casting for a MTV reality show) I guess I'm gonna go with "better late than never" And instead of focusing on the fact that Tiana couldn't even have a Prince Lamar to fall in love with, I am going to focus on the interracial love instead. See this is me being positive in 2012. I'm on my Orpah ish this month!

BHM Day 1: Don Cornelius

So today I got news of the death of Don Cornelius. Apparently he took his own life at the age of 75. Kind of crazy right? Well it also so happens to be the first day of BHM (Black History Month) so I thought it would be fitting for me to lift up Brother Cornelius for his contributions. I remember growing up and watching Soul Train and thinking how cool it would be to be on that show. I dreamed of the day that I could go on there and make my way down that Soul Train line. I even had a few dances ready to go just in case I ever got that call and they needed a chubby elementary school kid to jump in and help out.

Years later, I am still ready for a soul train line. Granted my dances now are a bit more extreme and involving me p'ing my C, but I just call that evolution. Or something. I guess my point is that years later, the impression left by Don and his Soul Train is still there. I just am comforted by the fact that in Heaven people are lining up and showing out in their own soul train line.