R.I.P Aaliyah: 11 Years Later

So today marks the 11th year since Aaliyah died. Crazy to think that a decade plus has passed since that day.I remember when Princess Diana died and my mum cried. I didn't understand how she could cry for a person that she had never met. I gained that understanding on August 25, 2001. I remember that day so vividly and watching in horror as the news anchors on CNN announced her plane crashing. This was way before Twitter deaths and other internet BS, so there was no use in me rushing home to check sources. I felt a sadness wash over me and I literally shed tears for a person whom I had never met.

So with the whole news that Drake was going to produce a posthumous CD for her I began thinking about her even more than usual. What would her place be in today’s music scene? We are in a time when people from her era are struggling to remain relevant (Oh hey Brandy and Monica) and people aren’t buying R&B music anymore. Would she like so many be forced to change her sound in favour of a more electo dance vibe (That one was for YOU Usher!)? Would Aaliyah even like Drake and his take on what SHE should sound like?

I have to stop asking so many questions, as it’s pointless. The world will never know. All these questions and Aaliyah could very well have decided to go into movies full time or just give it all up to have some babies. Instead of trying to figure out what could have been, I guess I should just focus on her legacy. Sadly any ethnic girl who sometimes dances and has longish hair (*cough* Sabi) still get pegged as cheap imitators. Now you KNOW you are bad, when you’ve been gone for 11 years and STILL have people talking about your signature Sexy Tom Boy style. Her music is still relevant and referenced in a time when people are ADD and get over people in a month’s time. I was in Chicago a few weekends ago and her song “Are you That Somebody” came on. EVERYONE and their mother was going hard. I may or may NOT have been leading a revival of the choreography, but that is neither here nor there. My point is that for a life and career to have been cut so short, it speaks volumes that she is still being talked about. I hope people are as thankful for her life as I am. Without Aaliyah we very well might not have Beyonce as we know her. Of course Bey would be singing, but would she be the face of L’Oreal and making movies? Would Rihanna be able to rock baggy pants, Jordans and a snapback and STILL get called sexy instead of a straight up lesbian? See where I’m going with this? The woman made her mark and forever changed the face of R&B (and pop to a certain degree) music. On this anniversary of the day she was called to heaven, let’s pay some homage to a girl that was truly one in a million.

Love and Hip Hop: ATL Style

So I put off watching Love and Hip Hop: Atlanta. I saw who they were casting and this overwhelming feeling of “who the F is that?” washed over me. Plus I had heard that Khia was in talks to be cast on it. Shoot, if Khia was on this show, I’d be watching this show in a heartbeat! I went ahead and watched it anyway, as I heard that it was ratchet as hell. Since Basketball Wives is on break, I need some hood shit to tide me over.
I guess I should have remembered that when I started watching Love and Hip Hop, I initially was clueless to the identity of like 80% of the cast. Olivia was the one who stood out, as I remembered her 2.5 hits. I grew to love those women and their stories, so I guess letting in these ATLiens into my heart shouldn’t be that much of a stretch

Mimi & Stevie J: Stevie J is a name that I heard before. I’m not sure how, but apparently he has been Mariah adjacent, so he is good in my book. His wife Mimi is the polar opposite to Chrissy. She puts up with his trifling ass ways and seems to let him get away with a smile. The ninja bought her a house in the country for her and their daughter. He went out of his way to make it known that it was for them and not him. That screams: I’m shipping your ass away so I can bang bang bang and then skeet skeet skeet.

Erica: she is REAL southern in the way she speaks. She apparently is Lil’ Scrappy’s baby’s mother. Her cheated on her when he blew up and she took his ass back when the other chick cheated on him. She has a really nice smile, but I think this broad is silly as hell for putting up with Lil Scrappy

Lil Scrappy: I still can’t put my finger on any of the songs he has been on. Maybe he’s big in the trap?

K. Michelle: We meet her and she is screaming a song. She lets us know that she likes to rock out with her cock out. She is giving me a whole LOT of Keyshia Cole fever. I actually think he voice is a bit more controlled and refined compared to Keyshia. Apparently she was dating some guy at her label, Jive and he beat her and jacked up her career.

Ariane: Mimi’s girl. I like her. She is trying to knock some sense into her girl’s silly ass. At one point she asks if it’s the dick that keeps Mimi around. Haha. Klass Act.

Joseline: I’ll be honest, when I saw the promo pictures I really thought this girl was transgendered. She kind of reminds me of Eddie Murphy’s ex, Nicole. She does her interviews in this swimsuit type thing and all I Can look can look at are her massive village feeders. She really looks like a busted ass RIhanna and it’s clear that Stevie J and her have something from the jump. Then she goes on talking about the sex and how he “fucks her brain” Umm, girl ok?

Mama Dee: NYC cast had Mama Jones, this cast has Mama Dee. She seems a bit more composed, but she quickly shows her ass. She has her own catch phrase, IN THAT ORDER!! She says it often, even when it doesn’t make any damned sense. I guess branding is important. Apparently she was a pimp. No, like she literally was pimping. The hell?

The characters of course all run in the same circle and end up at K Michelle’s party where one of the guests lets Mimi know that Joseline holds her man Stevie J DOWN! Oop! Mimi is about to pop off, but then she just sits there like a silly ho. There is more screaming, yelling and drank throwing.

Question: Why would Stevie J allow his affair to be shown on camera like that? Doesn’t that look horrible professionally? Also I don’t think Mariah would endorse such foolery. Oh and beyond that, he has a child, that is not growing up in a bubble and is sure to catch wind of her fucked up family life being discussed all over the internet. That is messed up. With that being said, I will probably watch as I saw a preview for the season where someone shakes the table. K Michelle says something like “don’t shake unless you ready to get shook!” There is a pregnancy scare and the guys start scapping. I feel bad watching this train wreck, but at least I’m not selling drugs. It could be worse. Leave me alone.

Album Review: Usher-Looking For Myself

So Usher’s “Looking for Myself” officially dropped today. The title is interesting given the fact that so many artists, especially R&B singers, seem to be looking for themselves. People aren’t buying CDs in America anymore and a more pop/dance sound sells like hotcakes overseas. So do you pay your bills and make music for the masses, or do you stay “true” to R&B and maybe have to work a few swing shifts at Wendy’s to make ends meet? Decisions, decisions. It appears that Usher is pulling a Nicki Minaj and attempting to give all of his fans something.

For the Glowstick Set:

Can’t Stop Won’t Stop- This song actually samples “Uptown Girl” I think will.i.am produced it. It sounds kind of like a rehash of “OMG” but in a good way, if that even makes sense.

Scream- The second single which is hella upbeat and dancefloor friendly. I love the energy of this song. It wasn’t until about my 20th listen that I actually listened to the lyrics and realized just how sexual it is. Needless to say I loved it even more. “Realx and get on your back, if you wanna scream” GENIUS.

Climax: I loved this song from the get go. I love Diplo’s production on it. I think it is the perfect balance between electro pop and R&B. Usher’s vocals and falsetto bring a soul to the song that can easily be lost in electro music.

Numb: I feel like he attacks the beginning of this song with the same energy and intensity as “Without You” In fact this song sounds like it could be a part 2. A lesser part 2.

Euphoria: this is getting back into the dance vibe. It almost reminds me of a less inspired “Where Are You Now” I really enjoy this track


Skeet Music:

I Care: Usher slows it down a bit over a bumping and grinding beat that has been updated for 2012. It’s pretty sexual.

Show me: The beat to this song is really light and breezy, but I’m not really that into it. It’s not bad, it just is. The song kind of reminds me of Chris Brown’s “Forever” Plus, I think “show me what you came here for” just doesn’t sit right with me grammatically.

Lemme See: This song features Rick Ross and has a sexy ass vibe to it. He busts out the falsetto in an attempt to get some panties to drop. “hollering bout what you gonna do to me/ don’t talk about it, be about it/lemme see lemme see” 2 things: 1.) I’m sick of hearing the MAYBACH MUSIC in every Rick Ross Song 2.) Did Rick Ross just say that a chick looked like Trayvon Martin in her hoodie? The hell?

Twisted: This song features Pharrell, who I LOVE. The beat is really different and totally Skateboard P, yet sounds like a total throwback to a 70s vibe. I could see Pam Grier shooting at some jive turkeys while this played in the backround.

Dive: Rico Love penned track that has minimal production but allows Usher’s voice to really shine and soar. “The walls are looking like the might precipitate” Once again, after a few listens I think this song is super sexual and he’s talking about vagina.

What Happened To U: This song just has Usher patting himself on his pat and I’m not really here for all that.

Looking for Myself: The title track. Surprisingly it is boring as hell. I don’t really care for the song at all.

Lessons for the Lovers: Bump and grind music. Not really my thing, but a decent R&B track nonetheless. I guess if I had someone to bump and/or grind I’d have a different appreciation for it.

Sins of My Father: I like the groove of the track and Usher’s delivery has such a rich and old feel to it that it just resonates with me.

IFU- this track has a lot going on. I think it’s in a good way. It’s sexy and has hands claps. It’s a decent song.

Say the Words: I don’t really like this song. It sounds like a bonus track (NOT in a good way)

2nd Round: Eh. IT’s ok, nothing to write about. SO I’m going to stop writing about it. Now. There. I am done.

Hot Thing: Doing too much, yet does NOTHING at all. Ok, that’s how I felt the first two listens, but now I feel like I’d shake my hindquarters to this in a club.

Overall this is a pretty solid album. Yes, it has it’s share of fillers. It’s not a classic, but it is a decent album. I think Usher will please his core fans while broadening his appeal with some songs outside of his usual genre. I have seen the blogs and the comments with people wanting “the old Usher” back, but come on people! If he were to put out an album in the same vein as “Confessions” people would say that he isn’t trying new things, or that he sounds played out. The man is trying new things. Some of them work, some of them don’t. I think it should be applauded when musicians take risks and experiment with their sound. (granted I don’t think going the Guetta route is that risky, but whatever) Usher’s voice is on point in this project and I’m sure he will perform his ass off to make the songs come alive in the video. I’m excited what’s to come from this album.

That's Gay

So today started out like most any other day. I woke up, cursed the fact that I was up so early for no apparent reason and then went in to work later on in the day. Nothing remarkable really happened until...wait for it... I GOT HATE CRIMED!!! "Oh Ian, quit being dramatic" is probably what an insensitive fuck would say, but I'm assuming that no one who reads my blog (all 3 of you) is a fuck. Let me set the scene:

It's a somewhat busy Saturday in a kids section of one of the nation's largest clothing retailers. Ian is putting out some merchandise and trying to work on some Rihanna choreography in his head at the same time. A lady who looks like the stereotypical suburban house mom approaches Ian.

SHM Hi are you busy?

Ian: Hi, what's up?

SHM: *holds up some shorts* are these too gay for a 13 y/o boy?

Ian: *thinking he misunderstood what she says and gives her the benefit of the doubt* Personally, I don't love those shorts. I am a solid or more of a plaid guy, but that's just my preference

SHM: Oh, true. Yeah, they are kind of gay

Ian: *at this point is sure what he heard was right the first time, now begins to bite his lip before he says something to get him fired* Oh. Umm, well yeah, like I said, they aren't everyone's taste...

SHM: I mean, no offense, but you know... They're pretty gay

Ian: *is praying that his lip isn't permanently bruised from the intense biting, talks into his walkie talkie and excuses himself*




SO yeah, that's how it went down. I was annoyed for a few reasons:
1.) Just days after people were dancing in the streets because our President said that he felt gays should be able to marry, I am hearing people say this. Funny enough I was just discussing hours beforehand how I thought it interesting that people were getting worked into this tizzy over such a simple statement that doesn't fundamentally change much. I compared it to a baby step in the right direction, actually. If people still are talking like this, I'm going to need more leaps and less baby steps. Seriously, first GCB gets cancelled and now this!? What a rollercoaster week for team zest!


2.) I was so shocked and taken off guard that I didn't say anything. I'm no fighter. I'm a lover. Ok, that's a lie. I don't throw punches, but I pride myself with my use of words. I am rarely at a loss for words. Today I simply froze up and was taken over by a feeling of "is this broad serious!?" This leads me to my third point:

3.) I have been thinking of things to say and do since it happened. I could have spoken with a lisp and snapped my fingers while calling her "GURL" I could have been like "those shorts aren't really gay, but you know what is? BUTTSEX!" I just keep on thinking "Ian, you are funnier than that" Like maybe I not going to change her mind, as she CLEARLY knew the term was offensive, but I should have at least made her squirm for my enjoyment.



Anyway, well I guess once again, writing has made me feel better. Hopefully if and when this happens in the future I'll be ready to throw more shade than an oak tree and to read a bitch like the hunger games.

New Video: Where Have You Been

In other posts/open letters I've written Rihanna, I have often complained about her laziness. Yes she puts out an album every year and drops a new single every 6 weeks, but it just sometimes seems half assed. She started off her "Talk That Talk" era with "We Found Love" which is a huge dance song, but she didn't really dance in the video. Luckily it was an emotional take on young, crazy love, so I let that slide. "You Da One" was next and I freaking love the song. The video was forgettable and the song didn't perform well. They rushed to release the Jay Z assisted, "Talk That Talk" but that didn't work. I thought she'd given up promotion of the CD and moved onto her summer movie. I was wrong. Today she dropped the video for "Where Have You Been"

Before I go on, let's get one thing straight: Rihanna stopped giving a fuck years ago. Read her Twitter and you'll see that she is committed to the cause of not giving a fuck. Why did I bring this up? I like the word "fuck" and I say that to show that she doesn't really seemed concerned about pleasing the haters. Hell she doesn't even really seem to care too much about pleasing her fans. I don't know what inspired/motivated her to make such a bomb ass video, but I am perfectly ok with it. Finally she delivers a video that proves why she is deserving of all of that attention.

Some highlights:

I like the intro, where is is coming out of the water like some fierce swamp creature with scales over her titties.

At :47 I love that look. She looks so freaking exotic.

:52 she starts out in the first dance break that puts an island twist on the stanky leg. The choreo is sick and is full of intricate footwork.

1:30 she busts out a new lacefront. I like it because it makes me think of Whitney Houston. This begins the SECOND dance moment, which is her and all girls contorting on the floor. It kind of took me to Beyonce in "Run the World" but this has more stank on it.

1:54 Rihanna and her girls get off the floor and work it while standing. They do some arm movements and make what looks to be an eye that SHUTS. AWESOME.

3:08 starts the dance moment where Rihanna's dance is dedicated to her coochie. She frames it with her hands.

3:14 Ooop! It just got better, she does a move that I'm either calling "The Pussy Pat" or the "Coochie Clap"


3:30 This look has Rihanna looking like some queen of the forest or an Indian Goddess.


Rihanna goes back into the water, but this time we see that it is filled with her hot male dancers. I'm pretty sure it's safe to assume that she's gonna get it in.




So this video is pretty fucking amazing. She looks good AND she danced. See, girl, it wasn't that bad! Save beauty videos for ballads. But please don't put out ballads. It just never a good idea. I needed this after being let down by Nicki's "Starships" video. Thank you Rihanna.

Album Review: Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded

Nicki is dropping her follow up to her successful first album, "Pink Friday" with an album with an original title, "Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded" I think the title is kind of dumb, but whatever. Nicki has said she is pretty much at the point where she is able to do whatever she wants and people will eat it up. This is good, as it allows her to experiment and try things without feeling the need to please people. This album shows some growth, but it also shows her dabbling in a bit of everything and effectively seems like it's meant to please everyone. There is pop, R&B, and oh yeah, she raps too.

Roman Holiday: I didn't get or even like this song when she premiered it on the Grammy's. I think the performance was just too fucked up for me to focus. Now that I've listened to it, I get it. It's a great way to start out a CD, as has a frenzied pace and has a message of "Ok, I'm back to talk some SERIOUS shit"

Hood Shit:
Come on a Cone: This song has a hot beat. Nicki is talking some serious shit on this. She has a serious ODB vibe that people have come to want. I think the highlight of the song is her singing "Dick on your face" Like who says that?

I Am Your Leader: She pairs up with Cam'ron and Rick Ross. I didn't even know Cam was still putting out music, so I was shocked as hell. I actually like his verse a lot.

Beez in the Trap: this is for strippers and lovers of ratchet ass things.

Hov Lane: The beat reminds me of a throwback Lil Wayne/Hot Boys beat.

Roman Reloaded: "More knots than Eric from Basketball Wives" hahaha She is popping off on Rap Bitches. Again. *yawn* Little Wayne jumps on for some credibility.

Champion: How she got Nas to collaborate with her is beyond me. He is official and Nicki seems to realise this as this song is a bit more serious in the lyrical content. She sings the hook, probably to prepare us for things to come.

Right By My Side: She teams up with Chris Brown for an R&B joint. Told you she was prepping us for more singing... I like her verse at the end

Sex in the Lounge: nothing too notable about this song for me

Fist Pump Nation:
Starships: I really don't love this song. I feel like Miley Cyrus should have sung this. I am apparently in the minority, as this is one of her biggest songs. THis will be our first taste of Nicki's venture into fist pump nation.

Pound the Alarm: More club friendly music in the same vein ass Flo Rida.

Whip It: Nothing too special about it, but I like songs that have the sound of a whip in it. I'm a sucker for it, I guess.

Slow Jams:

Automatic: I feel like this could have been a Jennifer Lopez song to follow up "On the Floor"

Beautiful Sinner: Nicki singing over a club beat that builds up to a dramatic chorus.

Mariyln Monroe: I thought this was only a demo, but apparently it made the cut. This is us seeing Nicki being vulnerable.

Young Forever: The beat is cute, but the song is just ok to me.

Fire Burns: I think I would like this song more if Rihanna sang it.

Gun Shot: She teams up with Beenie man. I love when she busts out the island swagger. I really wish she would have went harder, but she is singing here. I would love to hear them trade verses, but I guess i'm asking too much.

Bonus Tracks:

Stupid Hoe: a ridiculous song that has Nicki *gasp* throwing jabs at a female MC *cough* Lil' Kim *cough*

Turn Me On: This was a huge song for Guetta and Nicki and I'm sure gave her the confidence to make a whole fist pump section to her album

Va Va Voom: Super Bass Part II. The same people that lost it over Super Bass will probably like this.




Overall I think this is a solid offering. There really is a lot of genre crossover going on throughout, which makes the album sound a bit schizo when you listen to it on shuffle. I think I need to come to terms with the fact that Nicki has been told she can sing and likes to sing a lot. I don't think it's horrible, but I really love it when she is rapping and dropping memorable verses. I was thinking that maybe she would shut people up who say that her most memorable verses are on other people's songs, but she really didn't do that here. Ahh well, still a solid album and I'm sure it'll be shoved down my throat for the next 2 years, so I had better get on board QUICK.

I'm not even going to talk about the album artwork...

New Music Video: Naked

So I have been about this song for about two months now. It's by Dev (she's the girl who got our attention on "Like A G6") and features Enrique. The song has a nice beat and vibe to it. It's nothing groundbreaking from what either or them have been putting out recently, but they do mesh quite nicely together. I must admit that I have this love/hate relationship with her when she says "It's the Cataracs!" Bitch, we know.

As for the video, I'm a fan. I was concerned when the first 30 seconds focused on her putting on Calvin Klein makeup. I really hate such blatant plugs. I would be lying if I said I liked her styling. She looks like an 80s porno Katy Perry. (not in a good way) She is one of those people who isn't necessarily striking to look at, but with the right styling could be decent. Dev, let me style you. Enrique looks great! His hair is laid. Dev made a smart decision to show him often (even when she's singing) I must say I'm a little upset at the lack of nudity in the video, but that's just me. Overall, it's well shot and i like how it has a Terry Richardson grit to it. The whole thing just makes me want to go to Vegas and stalk Enrique. Wait, what?