BHM Day 10: Leonard

I just came across this person tonight randomly. He won Teen Jeopardy. I love seeing educated brothas whoop up on other dorks! No, but seriously, it's always pretty cool when people are smart but don't come off as complete tools. I didn't see his whole episode, just a bunch of clips of his answers. When I saw him answer "neckbone" I started shaking my head and began to think that the Man was setting up Leonard to look dumb as hell in front of all America. I started dialing Rev. Al Sharpton, but I'm glad I stopped. For one, that man can talk your ear off! Beyond that, I didn't even need Al, as Leonard proved to be hella smart. Good job Lenny! You're 75K richer. Please put that towards college or another good investment like rims.

BHM Day 9: Sir Mix-A-Lot

Today I am shining my BHM light on someone whose contributions to Americans (of all backrounds) has been overlooked for FAR too long. Today credit will be given where it is due. Today, I celebrate Sir Mix-a-lot! Give the man a round of applause!
Why did I choose this rapper? Because I can. That’s why. When will y’all learn?! Beyond that I have chosen Sir Mix-A-Lot because of his contributions to not only music, but the way in which Americans see Black women. Before you start rolling your eyes thinking I’ve lost it, let me explain myself.

“Baby Got Back” was a HUGE song. It went double platinum and even earned a Grammy. That alone is pretty massive. The video featured Sir Mix-A-Lot rapping on a set of ass cheeks, surrounded by women in tight short shorts. On the surface, it didn’t appear to be a song meant to celebrate and empower women. HOWEVER, when one looks deeper and listens to the lyrics, the message of accepting a different kind of beauty shines through. He talks about liking the curves that come so naturally to black women. He tells them not to compare themselves to magazines who tell them that they are fat or undesirable. The man lifts up his Black woman and lets her know that she is loved and seen as an object to be desired. On top of that he promises not to cuss or hit her. What a standup guy! He is totally worthy of the title of “sir” Chris Brown, you will never be as classy as Sir Mix-A-Lot!

I honestly think the crossover success of the song brought booty awareness to mainstream America. I remember when having a “ghetto booty” was seen as a bad thing by white girls. Now they are embracing it and the ones without are poking it out like their back broke. He certainly opened the door for the likes of J. Lo and Nicki Minaj to be seen as bootyful (see what I did there?!)

So now, I hope that America sees what a great service Sir Mix –A-Lot did for not only Black America, but for awesome asses all over the world.

BHM Day 8: Kerry Washington

Ok, I’m gonna be honest: when I first remember coming across today’s BHM spotlight recipient I wasn’t impressed. She was in a wonderful movie starring opposite my arch nemesis Julia Stiles. She just came across as doing too much and I didn’t believe her as the hard, New York older sister (Funny enough she’s from the Bronx). Plus, I didn’t like the way they styled her. I speak of none other than Kerry Washington. Let’s just say that I have come around. I am team Kerry these days!

Why the change? Stop asking questions and let me tell my story you inpatient bastard! I fell for Ms. Washington when I came across her on her new hit show “Scandal” I initially didn’t watch it because it was by the lady behind “Grey’s Anatomy” I haven’t watched that show for fear that my penis will shrivel and fall off. I love my dick too much to do that to it. One of my friend’s told me to watch it and I happened to trust her, so I did. I began watching season one on Netflix and was HOOKED.

Kerry is the star of the show. She's smart, talks fast, dresses amazing and is boning the POTUS. We have three of the previous four articles in common, but I will NEVER tell which. Tee hee! Her character is strong which is remarkable enough. The fact that she is a Black woman makes it unheard of. “Scandal” is the first show I can think of featuring a Black female lead that has had primetime success like this. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but first, feel free to slap yourself in the face for trying to come for me on my own blog! The nerve of some people!

Anyway, so Kerry is doing exceedingly well on television and was cast in Tarantino’s “Django Unchained” I thought she did really well in the movie and proved that Black people can speak German. Will this woman ever stop pushing boundaries and rewriting the rulebook? Probably not. But in all seriousness, her success has already helped open doors for the likes of Meagan Good and her new primetime show. It’s nice to see Black people portrayed in a light other than what reality TV has show America. For being such an awesome example, today we salute Kerry Washington.

p.s. I tried not to bring up how beautiful she is, but seriously y’all… DAMN.
p.p.s She is of Jamaican blood so we are basically related.

BHM Day 7: Phil Drummond

Ok, it’s not that I don’t LOVE BHM, but I had to stop doing a daily post because I decided to take some ME time. I went on vacation and kind of unplugged, which was nice. I’m sure Rosa Parks and them would be happy to see me living my life and doing ho shit in NYC. Kidding. (sort of) I will be doing two posts a day until I am caught up, because I am JUST that dedicated and have THAT much free time to give to this project of mine. I started it, and I’m sure as hell gonna finish it. Ok!?

So today I want to shine the BHM spotlight on Phil Drummond. He was the rich white man from Diff’rent Strokes” who adopted two black kids into his amazing Upper East Side apartment. Sure he could have adopted children that looked more like him, but he said “NO!” and went with his heart. Keep in mind this was in a time waaay before Angelina and Brad made it cool to adopt children of other backgrounds. Phil Drummond saw through to the true character of those boys. Sure they were a tax break for him, but deep within their souls, they possessed all the potential in the world. Deep stuff.

For Phil Drummond’s pioneering ways in interracial adoption, I shine my BHM light on him. I could have shone it on George from “Webster” but I liked Phil and his show better. Webster DID have access to a sick dumbwaiter, which I suppose deserves mention. Let’s thank these men for giving me the hope that one day I too, might be snatched up and whisked away to live the rich and fabulous life I was meant to have. It’s all about hopes and dreams, isn’t it?

BHM Day 6: CPT

This post is kind of funny because it's totally a day late. Sorry, I passed out and forgot to post.

Today’s BHM spotlight goes not on a person, but on a concept. This concept is a stereotype to which, I just so happen to subscribe. What am I talking about? Coloured People Time, or CPT. I want to bring attention to CPT, as I feel like some of my white friends and readers out there could use a lesson in why I am constantly late. Basically CPT refers to Black people having their own clock and being late as hell. It’s known and accepted in the Black community, but doesn’t seem to have much understanding outside of it. Well that ends today! Time to shine the light!

I am late oftentimes for a few reasons. For one, I often misjudge time. Sure it is usually a 20 minute drive to work, BUT If I only have 10 minutes there is a chance that I can catch all greens and drive Tokyo Drift style and have a hope of being on time. False. Not only do I suck at judging time, I also somehow seem to think the planets will ALWAYS align just right so that I can make whatever appointment I have. Additionally, I am late because I like to look fresh to death. I can’t help it. Black people are born with this innate desire to stunt on hoes. Who am I to fight DNA? I could be dressed and ready to leave the house and then all of a sudden decide that I need to wear some new shoes. That of course changes everything and before you know it, I’m late as hell.

I shouldn’t really be speaking for all Black people, but whatever. There’s a lot of things that I shouldn’t do. Sometimes I swim after eating WITHOUT waiting the suggested 30 minutes. I text and walk. I pretty much do whatever I want. Deal with it. I hope that everyone now has a sense of the concept/condition of CPT, Please be a bit more understanding next time a Black person makes you wait. Don’t lecture him/her on time management, just give them a hug and say “I understand my brotha/sista” Ok, maybe don’t do that. Black people also need space, but that might be another BHM post….

BHM Day 5: Kenya Moore

I just got back on the Real Housewives of Atlanta train and boy am I ever excited I did. No, I wasn’t there to see Kim and her Miss Piggy hair (I think my friend Nate may have been the one to coin that). I heard that they brought in some new blood that was sure to fuel the drama. One of those new women just happens to be the recipient of today’s BHM spotlight; Kenya Moore please come and accept this shine!!

Quick history: Kenya won Miss USA way a long time ago. It was a big deal for Black women and she was a pioneer. These are all her own words. The bitch doesn’t have a humble bone in her body. But that is why I’m not mad! In Kenya’s mind, she is the Rosa Parks of umm, EVERYTHING. Sometimes we have to be our own biggest fan. Kenya, thank you for teaching us this valuable life lesson. Anyway, she apparently has continued to keep her name somewhat relevant by modeling and producing movies.

I fell in love with Kenya when I first heard her tag line of “I won miss USA not, Miss Congeniality” That right there was GENIUS. I knew from the jump she was going to be a real C U Next ,Twat. Early on she blessed us with the awesome phrase of “Coochie Crack” during a model casting. I was waving my team Kenya flag real high at that point. Then she took me to infinity and beyond when she dropped “I’m gone with the wind fabulous!” She then proceeded to twirl. That is when I swooned and was only brought back to life thanks to some wonderful smelling salts.

Can we just stop and think about that phrase? I mean, no one really talks about that movie in 2013. Imagine how shocked you’d be if when during a fight, the other person was like “Man, I am Streetcar named desire, FIERCE! OK?!” You’d be blindsided, confused and probably unsure of how to follow that up, right? That’s pretty much how her opponent felt. Kenya:1 Haters:0

In true reality tv famewhore style, Kenya turned the phrase into a song. It was really just her talking over a generic, gay dance beat. That was, in no way shade as I think the song is catchy as all hell. “you say I’m crazy. I say I’m fabulous!” Give a woman a Grammy already. I find myself saying the lyrics to people all the time:

BL: Ian, you’re late
Ian: I say I’m fabulous!

To make this Kenya’s BEST WEEK EVER, Beyonce (Kenya says that she gets mistaken for her on a daily basis... Girl bye!) just said her catch phrase post SuperBowl. KENYA YOU’VED MADE IT! BASK IN YOUR BHM LIGHT YOU FABULOUS THING, YOU!

BHM Day 4: Ru Paul

Today on this fourth day of BHM, I have decided to shine my light on a zestleperson who has managed to cross over into mainstream America. No, I’m not talking about Tevin Campbell or that little boy from “Who’s the Boss?” (he’s not even Black, y’all!!” I speak of the one and only RuPaul. Ru has been around for a long ass time. I remember my sister blaring the HELL out of her “Supermodel” single when she was working on her signature runway walk. Ru had a show on “VH1” that was actually not horrible. Oddly enough, I started saying “That’s hot” when I heard it on that talk show which was YEARS before that white girl Paris Hilton, tried to trademark it. White people stay trying to take credit!

Ok, well a club song and a show on VH1 doesn’t really make you relevant. RuPaul came around with “Ru Paul’s Drag Race” and the show really caught on. It wasn’t really groundbreaking and just pretty much stole from ANTM and Project Runway, yet it seemed so fresh and fun. The gays LOVED it. Soon the non gays were catching on and even starting to get hip to the drag queen lingo. I had girls calling me “hunty” and asking to see my “cunt” (umm, ew) Even as Logo decided to get rid of gay programming in an attempt to reach a broader audience, they kept Drag Race. That’s how you know you’re a boss. Given Beyonce's scandal over lip synching,Ru Paul's "Lip-synch for your LIFE" has had the best fortnight EVER.



Ru has left a mark on the world. Thanks to him up and coming queens have some big stilettos to fill. Now, people aren’t just going to be satisfied with a tight lace front and a stellar tuck job; you’ve got to affect some sort of change in the world. When Ru hangs up his heels, it'll be up to the next generation of black zestlemen to give white people fun catch phrases. You all have your work cut out for you, DON'T FUCK IT UP.