Friday, November 16, 2018
So anyone who REALLY knows me, understands the love I have for Mariah NoMuthafuckingMiddleName Carey. I have been there since "Vision of Love" and made it through the Glitter era. Hell, even after that notorious NYE performance, I was still a proud member of the #lambily. See, I honestly believe that Mariah has reached Icon status and what we are NOT going to do on my watch, is deny her greatness. The stunts are fun. The voice is great (and the inspiration for your faves and your faves' faves, quiet as it's kept) The pen game is still strong. So what let's see what everyone's favourite Elusive Chanteuse is giving the kids on her FIFTEENTH album.
1. GTFO: If you aren't hip and cool, this is what the kids are saying when they want someone to "GET THE FUCK OUT". When Is saw the title, I assumed she was going to do some sort of play on this, but no, she just went ahead and said "How 'bout you get the fuck out?" I love Love LOVE when Mariah cusses. It feels so right and wrong at the same damned time. The production feels very vibey and makes me think of something off of a Drake album, but with a distinct Mariah angle. The video with her in the lingerie sipping wine felt VERY Mariah and made me want to kick my (non-existent) lover to the curb. We love a good breakup song.
2. With You : DJ Mustard is on the beat, ho. Sorry, I shouldn't have called you that, but the streets be talking... Kidding. Unlike many of Mustard's productions, this song is a piano driven ballad. It has an old Mariah production feel to it, but doesn't feel dated. Vocally she's doesn't appear to be flexing, but she totally is. She's using chest and head voice and even gives you a whistle note at the end. Do we deserve it? Probably not, but she's generous AF. The video feel very classic Mariah-- Black and white AND slow motion singing?! It's like "My All" and "We Belong Together" had a video baby.
3. Caution : This song has quite a nice knock and bounce to it. The track itself, is slinky and sexy and Mariah's stacatto delivery reminds me of the mumble rappers all over the radio. She does it in a way, that doesn't feel like she's trying too hard. Mariah might know what the kids like, but mama is still gonna do it her own way.
4 A No No She had me at the sample. She could have just cooed for 4 minutes over this beat and I would have lost my mind. The track samples "Crush on You" by Lil' Kim. If you didn't know that I'm going to wait for you to slap yourself in the face. Done? Ok, let's move on. Mariah says "irregardless" which always makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up, but it's ok because Mariah invented language. Irregardless is now a word, get on board. I love the ad libs Once again on this song, Mimi isn't here for this guy's bullshit and is letting him know what it is (and what it ain't).
5. The Distance This song features Ty dollar sign. I feel like there is a symbol in there somewhere, but I can't be bothered. When I saw Skrillex was the producer, I was genuinely confused and a little concerned. Sure the man has done some great work, but what was he going to do for Mariah? I forgot that Skrillex works with Poo Bear, who is not only a VERY large man with a ridiculous name, but a talented R&B songwriter as well. To be quite honest, when I heard "GTFO" and "With You" I thought this album had promise; this single had me confident Mariah wasn't messing around.The track just has a sexy, soulful groove that makes me make a stank face and do an ole NASTY two step. This is a nice little love song moment, even though I feel like most people I've known who love "they said we couldn't make it" types of songs are in unhealthy relationships that really need not go "The Distance" (Mariah isn't the only wordsmith, y'all!) Whew, let me stop being real and keep it to the music!
6. Giving Me Life COME ON LOWER REGISTER! This feels like very 90s in the best way possible. This reminds of something that could have been on the "Butterfly" album and it wouldn't sound out of place next to "The Roof". I'd be lying if I didn't just Google Slick Rick to make sure he was still with us. This is a cute song, but the ending? WHY DIDN"T ANYONE WARN ME?!?!
7. One Mo' Gen " For this song, Mariah has Wondagurl (21y/o producer who has worked with a BUNCH of hip hop heavyweights) and Poo Bear helping her write. It's a fun little bop about getting that vitamin D! (Yes I screamed that like Beyonce in "Apeshit") It's a song about sex but the flowery lyrics and wordplay keep it far from crass.
8. 8th Grade : Apparently Timbaland produced this with Poo Bear helping writing. The production isn't bass crazy or filled with any of Timbaland's usual tricks, but it just has a nice bounce to it. The Timbaland REALLY jumps out in the end and now all I can think about is Aaliyah singing over this track. I kind of wish Missy was part of this, as I really enjoy when Missy and Timbaland do R&B records together.
9 Stay Long Love You I think this is the most uptempo song on the album. This might be the song I like the least. There's nothing wrong with it, but I'm not making a screw face just yet. On this track Mariah is going back and forth with Gunna (? apparently I did know a song, but once again had to go to my good friend, Google). Maybe this is the formula that she had come up with way back when that J. Lo ALLEGEDLY stole? It might just be slow to grow on me. I didn't like "Obsessed" when I first heard it. Don't tell the other Lambs, I am already on thin ice for never having seen Glitter.
10 Portrait This is just Mariah and a piano. I think this is a great way to end this album. It has all these features and super producers, but Mimi wants us to remember that she doesn't need all that.
I am sold on this album. I think Mariah did a good job of stretching out and trying new things but still keeping it true to that which she has become known. I always love when producers and songwriters work with an artist and push themselves to deliver something outside of their norm. I mean, Mariah has Skrillex out here making 90s R&B/bump and grind tunes! Speaking of the 90s, this album is filled with older 90s vibes, but everything has been updated to feel very now and of the moment. People who want "Dreamlover" Mariah will be let down. Those who want Mimi to act her age and start singing strictly Auntie music might also be let down. People who are wanting a solid contemporary album from a ICON should be satisfied. No need to be cautious (see what I did there?), this album SLAPS. HAAAARD.
Wednesday, July 12, 2017
So I’ve never been that person who makes a big deal out of his birthday. I loathe big and impersonal birthday dinners and have a fear that I would have a shitty turn out if ever I were to plan a big affair. With the exception of a surprise birthday party I commissioned a few years back (I told them I wanted it and was still somehow completely shocked when it actually happened), my birthday tends to be a low-key affair. I decided that this year I wanted to do something for my birthday. I thought a trip somewhere new would be a great way to renew my sense of self and celebrate another year of life on this earth.
I finally settled on Cuba earlier this year. I initially thought of going to a city and being with people who like me, but I thought it would be far more adventurous to go to a foreign place where I didn’t speak the language. I planned on going there myself, but told one of my best friends, Avalon, that I was going and she said that she was down. Truth be told, I was unsure of the whole idea. It was MY birthday trip and the whole point was to do things on my own. I ultimately decided that it was time that Avalon and I traveled together internationally. We started looking up flights and such and I started to get excited. Then I stopped hearing anything about Cuba. When I finally asked about it, and we looked up flights, they were hella expensive so I decided to scrap the trip. Avalon being Avalon tried to figure out a plan B, but I just wasn’t really trying to settle for a trip to Nashville when I had my sights set on Cuba.
I looked up tickets on my own and found that the price that I was initially quoted was still available for purchase. I told Avalon I was booking my flight that evening and she was on board, so we bought our tickets. IT WAS FINALLY HAPPENING!!! I looked up some places online and found two different places for us to stay: one in Habana Vieja, and the other in a small beach town. I went to my friend’s wedding in Chicago and then was swamped with shit at work leading up to the trip. It’s crazy how it crept on up me and I started getting nervous. I’ve been to Europe, but Cuba was different. Hell, they wanted me to have a Visa AND insurance? Is that even a thing? I had no frame of reference and didn’t have that many sources I could ask for information. On top of that, my best friend and her planning were stressing me the fuck out.
I finally reached a point where I remembered that this was my trip to enjoy. I could be stressed out, or I could let go and let God. Wednesday, I left work and ran to the store to buy last minute snacks, and random shit I felt like I would need. (spoiler alert: most of it stayed in it’s packaging) Avalon arrived late Wednesday evening and we wrapped up packing our luggage. Toilet paper? Check! Hand sanitizer? You betcha! Sunscreen? Hell yes. We tried to sleep the best we could and got up around 5:30 to get to the airport two hours before our 8:30 flight. It was wild getting there so early and having an hour to kill. Everyone should travel with a white friend/someone with better time management. I was sick with sinus issues but was NOT about to let that kill my sexy. We flew into Ft. Lauderdale, had a layover and were on our way to Havana!
Arrive in Havana and walk off the plane into the airport terminal. I was living for The Bodyguard dramatic fashion moment, but was instantly alarmed by the fact that it was 129312312312 degrees and I had on jeans and long sleeves. A man met us at the airport with a sign with my name on it. I felt like Jennifer Fucking Lopez. I don’t know her middle name and I’m too lazy to Google, sorry. The man took us in a taxi to our airBnB. He had a love for Bruno Mars that would end up being a theme for the trip.
I pulled up to the rental and had to put my American away with a quickness. The street was loud, smelly, and filled with run down buildings. Our place, however, was actually clean and cute, so I was able to be at ease. I washed my face and changed into something better suited for being on the surface of the sun.
We set out for dinner and got caught in a horrible storm. We were literally camped out in someone’s doorway for the better part of a half hour. When the rain let up we went to drinks. Dinner was had, but it was basically a ham sandwich so we went on to other places and got balls deep in mojitos.
Como se dice "struggle sandwich"?
I needed culture after a night of drinking, so I wanted to go to museum or castle to feel classy. We went a nearby fort. It wasn’t on my list but ended up being a fun stop.
We went to the Museum of the Revolution, which was interesting. I have only learned of Cuba through the American perspective, so it was kind of jarring to hear the complete opposite. Hell, when we walked in, I saw a mural bashing three former US. presidents.
We explored the city some more and went to this old printing factory for dinner. We spotted it next door to the place from the night before with the sandwiches and I am so happy we went back. The food was so good.
After dinner, we went to have a drink in a bar and listen to music. They had a live band, but the real draw was the 90s/00s throwbacks they were playing. At one point I was lip synching for my life and the crowd was loving it. Ok, I was loving it, but that’s all that counts.
I wanted to go to the museum of Orishas so I could get some afro-Cuban culture in. Also, Beyonce channeling Oshun renewed my interest so I thought it’d be a fun stop and possibly a place to pick up lemonading attire.
We took a ride in a classic car to the Hotel Nacional, which was super touristy and cheesy, but really fun. Our driver took our photo and tried to get us to kiss. I guess he didn’t see how tight/short my shorts were. Sad.
At the hotel we met a couple from the DMV area. They were really sweet and actually gave us a restaurant suggestion for our dinner that evening. The hotel also had a really cool bunker/fall out area that I played around in before an impending storm.
Dinner was at this place called Atelier. It was good enough for Michelle Obama, so you know it was perfect for me. I felt classy AF, even though they sat us with a bunch of Americans (ew!)
Walking home we walked down the Malecon, which is basically the hangout spot by the beach. People just blasted music and drank rum and kicked it. It was really cool to see.
I really wish you guys could hear Despacito playing in the background.
Went on a last minute trip to buy cigars and rum. The tobacconist was closed for fumigation (yikes) so I just bought a shit ton of run for like 15 dollars.
Drove out to our beach house and the whole time I was regretting the decision. The taxi was old AF (But not like those cute ones the tourists take...my window didn’t even roll down) and the town looked like a Cuba’s version of Deliverance. The house was amazing and I was wrong. THe beach was like 5 minutes away and so beautiful.
The trip was great. It was hard for me to leave. On Monday I went to the beach alone to just reflect on everything. It was actually pretty amazing being without a phone or internet. I did things for myself and not the Gram. I was able to be present in every activity that I was doing. I was reminded of how fortunate we are in the US to have all the things we do. Cuba showed me how those things, although nice, aren’t necessary for fun. I met strangers who were so warm and welcoming. It might have been because I apparently come off “very Cuban” or because I “look like Obama” I really don’t care the reason, I just know that it was great to have people so excited to tell me about their land/culture and ensure I had a good time.
After uncovering a new part of the world, I’m still on a high. I feel like I can do most anything. I plan on riding this high out as long as I can as I start my 23rd (*Mariah Giggles*) I err 36th year on earth. I look forward to taking other trips to new places to do my part to shrink the world and break down walls to prove once again that people are people. I'd also like to add that I'm happy that my friend and I were able to pull off this trip together and we both survived it. She watches a LOT of murder shows so I was on edge for much of the trip.
So I know accepting booze from randoms is never a good idea, but he had on American flag trunks. The lady helped translate our conversation and at one point we all started singing We are the World. It was magical.
Tuesday, February 28, 2017
I have never really fancied myself a politigay. The whole process of politics can be exhausting, confusing, and flat out fucked up. Recently, I’ve had to become an adult and take my head out of the sand and start paying attention to what was going on around me. Shit is real in these here streets, y’all! Today I am shining the BHM spotlight on the woman who inspired me to get up and write for damn near 28 days straight: Representative Maxine Moore Waters.
I didn’t really know about Maxine Waters, until I read an article that was widely circulated called, “Congresswoman Maxine Waters Will Read You Now”. The article wasn’t any literary gem, but it did highlight all of the times when Ms. Waters was fresh out of fucks to give. Immediately, I felt connected to her. I followed her on Twitter and Facebook and my life hasn’t been the same ever since.
Now Rep. Waters has been around for a minute. I’m sure she’s done lot of things politically, but I’m not here to discuss any of that today. Today we talk about her commitments to keeping it all the way 100. Instead of being fake, she’s the type of chick who starts a press conference with a “Can I help you? What do you want??” Mind you she’s not working at Checkers at 12a, she’s AT A FUCKING PRESS CONFERENCE. I’ve spent my whole life trying to pretend to care, but she makes it ok not to. For her, I am thankful.
I guess what I can appreciate is how Maxine Waters is pretty much trolling Trump the way so many Republicans trolled Obama. People are calling for her to play nice with him, but many of those same critics were silent when people did the same thing eight years ago.Feel how you want to feel, but I think it’s important for politicians to speak up (even if I don’t necessarily agree) and take a stand. Holding hands and singing Kumbaya is not always the answer. Furthermore, you gotta love someone who stands in his/her truth and doesn’t back down. At the end of this segment, the host gave Rep. Waters a chance to tone down “scumbags” into something a bit more PC, but she wasn’t having it. Ol’ girl basically hit him with a Nene Leakes “I shaid what I shaid!!”
Thanks for fighting the good fight. Thanks for the shade and best of all, thanks for all the memes. Today on this final day of BHM, we shine the light on Sister Maxine Waters! Let's look at some photos!
I call this "Zero Fucks Given"
I give you "Bish Whet?"
Lastly, I offer up "Your Smug Auntie"
Also, I really wish I could walk out of work like this most days:
I REALLY need to reach out to my lawyers as I am sick and tired of people taking my ideas and profiting from them! I don’t know how my book idea got out, but it did and Luvvie Ajayi stole it and has a NYT Bestseller on her hands because of it. I mean I was jokingly talking to my friend about how I needed movers for a move to NYC and I logged into Facebook to see an ad for, YOU GUESSED IT, MOVERS IN NYC! The muthafucking hills have eyes and there are snakes on this plane!
Ok,but in all seriousness, Sometime late last year, my friend Alicia told me about this book by Luvvie Ajayi called I’m Judging You: The Do Better Manual. It seemed like a fun read but y’all know I get distracted easily. I probably saw something shiny and forgot about it. I was visiting a friend recently and she had the book on her shelf and I picked it up. I am so glad I did, as I’m Judging You was a fun, easy read.
I’d heard of Luvvie, as she has a successful blog and large social media presence. Just on that alone, she’s a great contender for Black excellence, but then she had to go and be a University of Illinois graduate and from Chicago. The girl just went and stole my heart. I love her writing style as it’s very conversational. It’s taken me like two solid sessions to read the book.
The essays can sometimes be light in nature. She discusses different types of friends and even brings up the dreaded “Dinner Scrooge” who orders up heaps of food and tries the “let’s split the bill evenly”. That had me doing a LOT of head nodding like “girl, ain’t that the truth!” She talks about why Black feminists feel excluded from feminist movements. The book has her talking about rape culture and white privilege, but then talking about how not be the absolute worst on social media. She’s so wise and awesome. I’m chalking it up to U of I. (Go Illini!)
Luvvie is making major moves and I just found out that she got a production deal with Shonda Rhimes. SHONDA “I own all you hoes on Thursday night” Rhimes! This has potential to be massive. Let me go ahead and shine the BHM spotlight on her now so I can tell you all “I told you so!” when everyone else discovers her awesomeness.
I don’t remember who first told me to watch the documentary, Paris is Burning, but I owe them an edible arrangement. I mean, who doesn’t love those things? They’re freaking adorable! Anyway, let’s move on! (but first, if anyone needs my mailing address to send me one, please feel free to reach out) The documentary came out in the early 90’s but I probably only saw it within the past 4 years. The film takes viewers into the ball culture that was such a big movement on one hand, but relatively unknown to so many on the other.
I think movies like this one are important for people of all walks of life. For gays, it’s important to see our history, as we are often overlooked by history books. If they’re barely talking about white gays, can you imagine the coverage Black, Latino and trans people get in history? Don’t think too long, because oftentimes those are the ones forgotten first. For straight people and allies, it helps just seeing a world outside of their own.
I initially didn’t think I’d like the film. I don’t vogue (Although I did almost break my neck attempting a suicide fall/death drop) and I don’t particularly enjoy drag. I’m glad I got over myself, because the film is so much more than that. I learned about the level of community and family present in the ball world. I learned just how unoriginal we all are. I mean, when “Let’s Have a Kiki” was on Glee, I knew it was the beginning of the end. People were excited to learn of this brand new phrase, but the gag is that the phrase was old as hell. The Housewives of Atlanta have done a great job of introducing people from the flat states (No shade, I’m from Illinois so I can say that. ) to the term of shade and reading. But it’s important to acknowledge that it didn’t begin with those women and in fact it began a long time ago by gay Black and Latino men. That’s why sometimes I have to cock my head to the side when I hear people using our slang, but then turning around and saying some homophobic shit. I will dig into this a bit more at a later time, but let’s just keep the attention on this great film.
Classic Moment in 3...2..1:
Thursday, February 23, 2017
So I first heard about The New Jim Crow through Matt McGorry’s Twitter. On OITNB he plays the cop with a heart of gold, who impregnates a prisoner. He also appears on How to Get Away with Murder as the douchey guy with a heart of gold. Off screen, Matt is very politically minded and is a big supporter of women and minorities. He went from awkwardly cute, to my down ass sexual white chocolate. It’s a long nickname, so if anyone has a better suggestion, I’m open to any suggestions.
Anyway, so the book… I rented it and read it over a couple weeks. I’m a fast reader, but this book was a slow read for me. I should’ve known that when I saw the references to actual trials AND footnotes, this was going to be intense AF. Michelle Alexander does a great job of showing how the US ended up with this massive issue of mass incarceration on its hands. Alexander likens mass incarceration to a caste like system of oppression. This book was fascinating for me not only because it lacked pictures (kidding) but because so many points from it were relevant to current events.
Many think that just because Blacks can vote and drink at the water fountain of his/her choosing that all is equal. Alexander points to different points in the achievement for Black’s rights and we almost always see a backlash from the establishment ( usually White men of privilege) as they scrambled to maintain some sort of dominance. Slaves were freed, but then laws were created that made it easy for former slaves to be arrested and forced to do what was, essentially slave labour. Blacks could vote (Yay!!) but poll taxes and literacy tests help to suppress Black voters. (boo) According to Alexander, mass incarceration that we are in today is a response to the ending of the Jim Crow laws. Your history teacher wasn’t lying when he/she said that history loves to repeat itself.
This post isn’t meant to be a long ass book report; there’s so much to this book that you just need to experience on your own. I felt 1000x smarter after reading it and refer back to often when debating racist people online. The New Jim Crow should be required reading. If you are Black, it tells you just how skewed the system is. It’s one thing to grow up hearing “the whole system is fucked up” but it’s another so see the hard data and evidence. White people can benefit from the book just by being made more aware of their privilege. It’s not done in a way to shame or be Anti- White, but presents a compelling argument before the readers as if to say “Here are the facts, if this doesn’t sit right with you, do something”
Since this book gave me so many speaking points and made me think so much, I am shining the BHM spotlight on it. Hopefully some of you might read it and maybe we can discuss it. It’d be like Oprah’s book club, but I’m not wealthy and bread is just ok to me…
Tuesday, February 21, 2017
I initially thought about giving Rihanna (Robyn if you are a close friend, or aspire to be like I do) some BHM love after I saw her at the Grammy awards. She got shut out, which sucks, as I thought Anti was one of her best projects to date. Then I saw her on the show drinking from her flask and generally not giving a damn and I remembered why I love Rihanna: the woman doesn’t need any of our accolades to let her know just how bad she is.
Rihanna’s fame is still pretty fascinating. She’s not the best singer.
I’m kidding.. she was like fifteen back then. Plus Rihanna has definitely taken the criticism and has clearly been working on her vocals.
I love the youtube comment saying that she had gasoline in that water bottle, because she was spitting fire. That made me chuckle.
Rihanna wasn’t known as the best performer. She was borderline lazy on stage. She’s upped her game on that as well. I won’t post videos as this is becoming a VERY Youtube heavy post. (sidebar: I’m mad she decided to do that without telling me. I ended up missing her ANTI tour and it looked like so much fun) So she’s upped her vocals and her showmanship, but Rihanna has become so much more than just another pop act. The woman is a cultural force NOT to be tried. The fashion world loves her and she’s out here slaying covers left and right with ease. Her collaboration with Puma has been massive and she won shoe of the year. Apparently there’s an award for that? She’s doing movies and TV and just ensuring we see that beautiful Bajan grille of hers everywhere.
So even though yesterday was her birthday, the gift of her breaking yet another record came today. Thanks to her latest single (and my new go to car Karaoke tune), Rihanna now has more top ten singles than Michael Jackson. MICHAEL MUTHAFUCKING JACKSON. Let that sink in. I can wait. Ok, I lied.. I need to wrap this up and watch my stories. The girl who most people didn’t think would make it past her sophomore album is now eight albums in and breaking records that have been around for decades. So maybe she didn’t win a Grammy a couple weeks ago, but who cares about that little ass trophy when she clearly has the world’s hearts and minds in the palm of her tattooed hand. She's at the point where she can do whatever she wants and people don't just deal, they go absolutely mad over it. Rihanna, shine bright like a diamond (see what I did there) in today’s BHM spotlight!
Also, I just really wanted to thank her for all the .GIFS she has bestowed upon us.