Quotable!

So today I was in bed minding my own business, avoiding packing for my weekend getaway, when my sister called. She felt that since I had so much free time on my hands, I should make her a mix CD. Anyone who came at me like that at 10am would get a prompt "Hoe, sit down!" award, but she's family. I asked her about music and she was naming some songs, but complained that she felt out of the loop with pop music. She told me about a music station she listens to that plays top pop songs from way back to today. Pretty cool idea, right? She then went on to give me an example:

"Well, I mean, they play like Aaliyah, who isn't really making any new music for obvious reasons"

Ian: Obvious reasons, referring to the fact that she's dead?

Simone: "Well, yeah."



My sister is too extra. Don't be jealous.

New Video: Turnin' Me On

So I think it's safe to say that I am a HUGE fan of Keri Hilson. She is talented, sexy as hell and someone that seems like they'd be fun to be around. Unfortunately, she isn't over the top sexy and is "boring" (read: she doesn't fuck for tracks/make an ass out of herself on TMZ) so she isn't getting the heat she deserves. This is her third single from her album. Which has been pushed back to late 2033. Maybe she can have Svedka throw the release party, I hear they will be voted the number one vodka of that year. (Yeah, I don't understand those ads either..) Anyway, here's is her new song Turnin' Me On. I LOVE the song and the video. It's visually interesting and makes me want to go out to the club. Who knew someone could make bird walking cool?

Rehab

Dear Rihanna,

I have always been a fan of yours. I liked you when you were a dancehall pop tart in "Pon De Replay." When they upped your budget and gave you a makeover for "SOS" and "Unfaithful" I was applauded. When the good girl went bad, I was bought it immediately. I am a sucker for pop music and you make music that is just so freaking infectious, I cannot resist. I will say that you did lose cool points for re-releasing your last CD. I hate when people do that. I felt punished for buying it the first day it came out. I downloaded the bonus tracks (not from ITUNES, thank you!) just to act out.

Ok, enough back round. The reason I am writing you this letter is because of your refusal to go back to the studio. What happened to the Rihanna that released like 3 albums in 2 years or some crap? Granted, you were new to the game and trying to figure out your sound/look/ethnicity or what have you, but come on. Ne-YO did the same thing, and he's hit his stride, but continues to produce records.
Rehab is like the 16 single she's released from the CD. I am waiting for her to do a video setting the liner notes to music and her posing and mean mugging on a Bentley. If you steal my idea, I will hunt you down. No, but seriously, the days of releasing more than 4 singles are over. It kind of ended with Michaek and Thriller. Now society cannot stay focused on people long enough, so you have to re-invent yourself and release albums reminding us that you are, in fact, still worth your fleeting attention.

This video is really pretty. It reminds me of the photo shoot Posh and Becks did for W magazine. I love seeing people in the desert. Film it in black and white and add ten points. Up the dramatic factor by having everyone give their best "I wanna Oscar" face and I'm sold. I will say that the video is just pretty and not interesting in the least. Tons of posing and fierce looks, but nothing that moving. A song with lyrics like this one could have gone as dramatic(al) as the 'Unfaithful" video. Then again, if she's too lazy to release NEW music, then I guess she's probably too lazy to actually do anything but a beauty video.

Rihanna - New Music - More Music Videos

P.S. Is is me, or does it look like she's wearing diapers? That green outfit is too funny. I don't care how much you purse your lips, you look like your ish is WET! Oh, and does her tattoo on her neck look like it's spreading? Like a rash? I'm concerned.

Throwback Joint: Beep Me 911

This joint comes courtesy of Max Jones. I was stressed out and had no inspiration, but luckily he brought this song to my attention. It's from Missy and 702. This is early Missy when every video she dropped was an event. I like the whole video concept of the barbie dolls. This song is still relevant to me as I still tell people to "Beep me 911 or call me on my cell phone" yet I haven't had a beeper since mid nineties.

Who Knew?!

This is one of those "ohh, NOW it all make sense!" things:

Wanda Sykes spoke at a rally against Prop 8 recently. I just thought she was doing it for her gay BFF, but she talked about her wife and how everyone that knows her knows she's gay. I had my suspicions, but I just thought she was another Whoopi. You know, funny black woman who just doesn't care about being sexy, but still loves the peen. At any rate, good for her. Her speech is decent but it makes me laugh because of her voice. I love it!! I wish more angry lesbians talked like Wanda. Just a suggestion...

Penis Envy

Here is Beyonce at this year's EMA awards. I have to say that when I first heard this song, I wasn't a huge fan. Now, I love a good old fashion cunty and dramatical tune, but this one was just a bit too slow for me. This song has grown on me. Please take note of Beyonce's oscar worthy emotion she is serving up. I think the fact that she is still rocking her robo glove makes things that much better. She's so futuristic, it hurts!

My Hero

I was trying to find a good photo to post from Tyra's photoshoot with The New York Times Magazine, so I could show how Beyonce totally jacked her style. I couldn't find the picture I wanted fast enough (meaning I tried twice and gave up) but I did find this gem:



I found a link saying "Tyra Banks has 275 smiles!" I was like, "Ohh, lemme peep that!!" as I saw myself last night in the mirror of the club and realised that I look downright mean at times. I may make November the month of me smiling more. Beyond the smiles, I always like to hear Tyra speak. She seems to have a really good head for business and knows that her beauty won't be what makes her relevant for years to come. All that AND she can smile with her eyes? Damn, some people are just blessed like that...

Throwback Joint: Shake Ya Body

The other day I was watching the Tyra show and it made me think "When did Tyra become a real talk show host?" I thought that shit woulda been canceled with a quickness, but I guess she proved me wrong. I then thought of cycle 2, when she got all emotional and was talking about wanting to pursue her dream of being a singer. She made her girls dance and shake it in the video (now if that ain't a pimp, I don't know what is..) and it was probably only seen by a couple hundred people. Poor Darkchild is probably pissed her wasted that beat. Now, Tyra just makes fun of her singing skills (or lack thereof) and pretends like this never happened:



Oh, but it did. And is it wrong, that I don't hate it?

Hoe, Sit Down Award

Ok, this weeks' Hoe Sit Down Award goes out to this kid from LaFitness today. Sadly, I was unable to get the little fuck's name (ok, I'm not sad. I really don't care, but it just sounded nice to say "sadly" or "unfortunately") I know you are wondering, "How did he earn the HSDA?" If you just calm the H down, I'll tell you. Lemme set the scene:

*Ian is playing volleyball and having a good time for approximately 1.5 hours, when this kid (and I do mean KID) comes in and asks to join. He ends up on Ian's team.*

Kid: You need to move up

Ian: Naw, I'm good

Kid: No, but you need to move up to the center!

Ian: No, but seriously, I'm good here. I've been good here all night and this is where I'm going to stand *gives side eye and is caught by his extra "zesty" teammate who is thrilled at the prospect of something dramatical going down*


The kid then proceeds to show me that he is not good at volleyball and has NO business telling me what to do, as I was actually playing well. Like I know I have issues with authority figures, but I have even more issues with people telling me what to do when they don't know what they are doing. You don't see me telling LeBron how to play basketball, now do you? For this run in, I am giving the HSDA to homie from LaFitness. Congratulations!! Now, you can feel free to sit down, hoe.