Happy Birthday Mariah Carey!

So today is Mariah NoMiddlename Carey’s birthday. Well it’s technically her birthday, but she stopped celebrating those back in her twenties. I think now she just has festive anniversaries. I am celebrating by drinking. I am alone and it’s slightly trending towards alcoholism, but Mariah likes a flute or 7 of bubbly every once in awhile, so I thought I’d play the part. I was plum out of champagne, so I made myself a soju/shochu (it’s half the calories of vodka and Asian—I’m so fucking trendy) cocktail and took that shit to the head!

Tonight I want to just stop for a moment and give Mariah some credit. I don’t think people really remember what a musical force this woman is. She is one of the top selling artists of all time. ALL TIME people! She set records for the most number one singles by a solo artist. She was in “Precious” and wasn’t glamourous in the least. She has (had?) a 5 octave range and a whistle register that is NOT to be fucked with. Basically she’s a big deal. She’s not in a tizzy over the Beyonce song “Bow Down” as she understands that Bey is talking to basic bitches and haters, not to people that are actually important. Plus I’m certain that Mariah exists on her own planet and doesn’t great radio reception out there, so she’s probably never even heard the track.
I decided tonight to dust off her first big hit, “Vision of Love” and I watched the video. Her hair was kind of eh and she wore a basic black dress. Missing was the drama, fans and show for which the Mariah of today is known. I read some of the comments on Youtube and people were yearning for those days. Really? The woman could sing but she was really boring. She churned out hit after hit but that plain Jane, girl next door thing started to get a bit old.

Things got REAL interesting when she started to break from Tommy Mottola. Her dresses go shorter and her stilettos grew taller. Her hair got better and she basically started to fully own being a diva. The voice was there the whole time, now she had the attitude and confidence to go along with it. I started to really like her even more at this point. I think it might have been in reaction to the growing number of people who were upset that she was changing her look and sound. I have always been one to champion the cause of the underdog/forgotten/people with hella issues. Don’t believe me, check my volunteering record or the people I’ve dated.
We all know that Mariah had the fall RIGHT before September 11th. Coincidence? Probably. She managed to bounce back and have a huge album. Well not at first, but after the album Glitter and Charmbracelet, she stopped fucking around and put out The Emancipation of Mimi. It was and still is a really solid album.

Recently she has been on American Idol. I would like to talk about it, but I haven’t given a damn about that show since Kelly Clarkson. I know that she is probably amazing and throwing shade at Nicki whenever possible, so even I am shocked that I haven’t tuned in. Her body has been on point as of late (I attribute that to young penis) and she seems genuinely happy with her husband and twins. I know that she’s in the studio and I’m really excited to hear what she has to offer. Mariah is someone that I think is over the top and ridiculous. I think it’s a joke and that she doesn’t take herself that seriously. She is super talented and often misunderstood; this is why we are soul mates. Well that, and we both love to wave our hands around in slow motion.

I could really go on about Mariah for a few hundred more pages, but I won’t. I have to make another cocktail. I mean, it’s what Mariah would want. What Mariah wants, Mariah GETS.




Has anyone else ever noticed how she blinks to the beat around the 11 second mark? GENIUS.

New Music: Beyonce: "Bow Down/I Been On"

So late last year, Rihanna started selling tickets for her world tour. I didn’t buy tickets as it was a tour to support her unreleased album. I know I am a Rihanna fan, but what if I didn’t like the CD? Rih isn’t exactly known for dancing and performing as much as she is known for pouting, posing and pussy patting. I decided to pass and when I first heard “Unapologetic” I was glad I did. I have since grown to like the album, but I’m still not running out to buy overpriced tickets to see her.

Now, Beyonce went ahead and did the same damn thing. She performed at the Super Bowl and then announced a concert right after. She was allegedly going to premiere a new song but never did, leaving people in the dark about the new sound/direction of the CD. All she did was release a long commercial with her dressed all regal like and being fabulous to an eerie ass track that stayed with me for a long while after hearing it. Would you believe that I tried my damndest to buy tickets to see Beyonce perform what could amount to her worst CD ever? If you are shocked, then you clearly don’t know me. I would pay good money to hear that woman read my W-2 to me.

So yesterday Beyonce released some new music. I was starting to wonder what her plans were, as her tour kicks off in less than a month and she hadn’t released any music or videos. You know you are bad as hell when you can get people to pay a premium on blind faith. Beyonce made it clear with her last CD that she’s just gonna make the music she wants to and we will all have to deal with it. “Bow Down”/”I Been On” is unlike anything I’ve ever really heard from Bey. She is cussing and telling bitches to bow down. My heart leaps every single time that woman says a cuss word. She’s just being cocky. The beat sounds like it would have fit well on her husband’s “Watch the Throne” album (It was produced by the same producer of Niggas in Paris) and gets chopped and screwed. Apparently Justin and Beyonce are making it their goal to make chopped and screwed the hotness in mainstream music.

Is this track my all time fave? Nope. Am I excited by it? Hell yes. It’s different and I like to see people like Beyonce and Justin Timberlake step out of their comfort zones and try new things. I wish she would have sung on “I Been On” as that track is SICK. Then part of me thinks it’s kind of cool that she went left on that track. When I heard it, I thought she was going to go for another “Halo” or “Ava Maria” track but she married her operatic vocals in the backround to some grimey lyrics.
The rapping and shit talking will have people talking. Hell Keyshia Cole made it clear on Twitter that she isn’t a fan. She called Bey out for being “girls stick together!” one minute and being all “bow down bitches” the next. She has a point. I just don’t think it’s that good of one, but whatever. Everyone has an opinion, I just figured after Kelendria Rowland checked her for coming for Michelle Williams (the black one) she would have learned to keep her mouth shut. The Beyhive is NOT to be fucked with.

Did I really just write 600 words about ONE track? Damn I should probably invest this time and energy in learning a new language or something. Check out the song for yourself! Also can we just discuss the cover art?

BHM Day 29: Kanye West

Ok, so I do have a calendar and I am fully aware that TECHNICALLY BHM is over. I think it's garbage that BHM is the shortest month, so I have decided to stick it to the man and continue posting for a normal calendar month. Today I want to celebrate Kanye West. He's a producer, rapper, designer, and America's stunt queen and today we will give him the shine he knows he deserves!


Yeezy automatically earned points from me by repping Chicago. I fux with people who know what Harold's Chicken is all about. To this day I think that his first CD is a classic and I've been on board with him musically ever since. I truly think the man is a genius. I think that he's going to be the type of artist who we fully appreciate only after he is dead and gone. When I think of Kanye, I'm reminded of the Lauryn Hill line of "I say a muthafucka, so you ignant niggas hear me" Yes, he brags, boasts and uses foul language, but I think it's just to get our attention so he can get his greater message across. Listen to a Kanye track with good headphones and you can hear just how many layers of sound that he incorporates into his music. Then adding in his lyrics and the music is taken to a whole new level. I know I sound like I've been drinking the Yeezy Kool Aid, but I don't care. I think he's dope and if you've got a problem with it, feel free to kiss my ass!


Kanye has always been a well together man. His style has evolved since he's hit the scene and he's even wearing leather skirts and whatnot. To that, I say "get in where you git in, whore! Go on and TWIRL!" He dabbled in gym shoes and then put on a full fledged fashion show of women's designs. I can't recall any other rapper putting out a non urban/streetwear collection. It got panned by critics, but you gotta admire the man for trying. Now his new thing is wearing masks. He INSISTS on serving us mere mortals Scarecrow from Batman meets Phantom of the Opera. This is the part where we must deal.

I love Kanye's rants. Remember when he was talking about how Bush didn't care about Black people? That shit was so awkward. Then he went on and interrupted Taylor Swift's MTV speech and everyone made him out to be such a villain. He wasn't. The man was stating facts. Was his timing ill advised? HELL YES, but the truth is the truth. Now look, everyone is hating on Taylor left and right. Kanye was a pioneer in the hate game. I think one of his best rants was about his art. He is sensitive about his art. I think the quote was "I may be flawed, but my music is perfect" I think that says so much. Yes, he's extra and a bit much, but at the end of the day he makes great music and is passionate about it which is so rare these days.

Kanye has recently impregnated Kim Kardashian. Screw the Grammy awards and critical acclaim, fatherhood might end up being his greatest achievement. I have no doubt that he'll be a great dad. I feel like he's a great godmother (yes, I said mother.)to Blue Ivy already. We all need to just lift him up at our next prayer circle so that Brother Kanye can turn that ho into a housewive and NOT just a baby mama. Good luck with that Kanye!





you all probably thought I was going to go the Gold Digger route didn't you? Too easy. Far too easy.

BHM Day 28: Kid 'N Play

I know that people think they Diddy, Jennifer Hudson and Beyonce are doing something special by being triple threats, but I'm here to let you know that they didn't pioneer black celebrities wearing multiple hats. You know who did? Of course not, you ignant as hell! Kid 'n Play don't get the credit that they deserve.

They released 3 gold albums. If you asked me to hum one of their hits you'd be waiting for a long ass time. The duo wasn't happy just collecting those checks from music, so they branched into movies. They starred in a few House Party movies which ultimately lead to America being introduced to Martin Lawrence (thanks guys!) and Tisha Campbell (umm.. thanks again... *side eye*) Did you know that "House Party" was originally written with Fresh Prince (you may know him know as Will "I'm not gay" Smith) and DJ Jazzy(Hey, I matter too!) Jeff? Probably not as I know tons of shit that people don't know.

Kid 'n Play then moved to the small screen. They had their own cartoon on Saturday morning. That's pretty impressive as I can only remember Hammer having one. It was pretty dumb but I still watched it. The things I do to support black people! THe last time I heard from either member was on one of those "I love the 90s" shows. Kid (the light one) looked REAL aged and it was a mind blow as I imagined those two being forever young.


To help round out their triple threatedness, the duo also has a dance and hairstyle named after them. Like Beyonce is bad, but she doesn't haven't her dance (yet) Rihanna has her signature pussy pat move, but doesn't have a hairstyle of her own. Kid 'n Play managed to do both. Because they wouldn't settle for being a rap group whose music I would soon forget, I must shine my BHM spotlight on the group Kid 'n Play.

Anyone else feel like doing the Kid 'n Play?!