BHM Day 27: Traci Bingham

I never saw an episode of Baywatch a day in my life. It never really appealed to me. I wasn't really the beach type and couldn't really relate to the stories that I assume they would talk about. I doubt I'm the only Black person to feel this way, as I feel like "Baywatch" wasn't really watched by many Black people. Today I will shine the BHM light on one of the few Black people to appear on the show,Traci Bingham.


To be honest, I was never really a fan of Traci. She always came off as really ditzy. Like my mum always says, "I can't stand a silly bitch" I totally get it. I used to kind of hate that she played into the bimbo thing so well. Why couldn't she stand up as a sexy, SMART woman?! WHY?! I guess that's when I should have known I was gay. When one is watching a Baywatch beauty and can only wonder why she is not living up to her full potential, that may be a good time to question some things.

Moving along. So BHM Spotlight is not about hating or putting down anyone. I have 11 other months to be hateful! Traci Bingham broke new ground. I mean, people STILL to this day are shocked to hear that not only can I swim, but I was on a team. Here Traci is saving white people from drowning in water! Pioneer! Also, she became a sex symbol. She graced the pages of Playboy and was pretty much the chocolate version of Pamela Anderson. To be able to hold her own on a show surrounded by other buxom babes speaks to her ability to spread cocoa curiosity.

Today, I salute sister Bingham and her flotation devices.

BHM Day 26: Men With SERIOUS Swag

When people are asked to think of attractive Black men, they often first go to the Taye Diggs, Columbus Shorts, Ian Blakes and Denzels of the world. Today I am going to shine the BHM light on the non traditional Black men that people find attractive.Better yet, let's just call it men with SERIOUS swag, as that sounds nicer.

First, let's talk about Cee Lo Green. He gained popularity as a member of Goodie Mob and then crossed over as a member of Gnarls Barkley. Cee Lo went on to find success as a solo artist. The man wrote and produced "Don't Cha" for PCD. If that's not talent, then I don't know what is. He was a judge on "The Voice" and people got to see even more of his over the top personality. The audience seemed to fall in love with him. But let's just be real for a moment: the man looks like a penis, no? The best part about him is he doesn't seem to care. He named his last album "Lady Killer" Clearly you can't tell this man a damn thing! That's what I'm talking about!




Next up, let's talk about Rick Ross. The man is the go to man for rap hits and has seen a large amount of crossover success. You know you are in a good place when veterans like Diddy and Mariah are coming to you for street cred. But once again, let's get real: the man has clearly never done a situp in his life and probably hasn't seen his penis since the early 90s. That would stop most men from being shirtless. Rick Ross is NOT most men. He is all "you will look at my titties and you will LOVE them!" He is confident in his curves and for that we must salute him (or at least motorboat him)





Last up: Lil Wayne. He has been on the rap scene for quite some time now, but recently has seen his popularity grow up. He has people in the streets AND the suburbs buying his music (well people in the streets usually are getting that bootleg for free.99, but you know what I mean!) which is the best way to make money and rule the charts. His style has been copied by many and his co sign helped launch the careers of Drake and Nicki Minaj. But for real though...the man looks like an anorexic predator. I throw up a little each time I hear some girl talking about some "ohh Weezy could get it!" That's just nasty! Apparently he seems to do ok in the dickdown department as he has about 234234234 kids with 2342342 baby mamas. Y'all, he smashed Lauren London. IF you don't know who she is, Google her! The fact that Ms. London allowed Weezy penis near her kitty box deserves a round of applause.

I really dislike the term swag as I feel like it's just played out. In the case of these three men, I think that swag is the perfect word to describe their appeal. Sure they are all rich (which we all knows helps) but these men can't be told that they aren't the shit. The believe they can steal your girl and that confidence is what will get them laid. These men give men all around the world hope that they too can get laid. For being such inspirations let us shine our BHM light upon these "unconvential hotties"

BHM Day 25: En Vogue

Today we are in a girl group lull which kind of sucks since I LOVE a good girl group. Sorry, I’m not here for the Saturdays or any other British girl group. I’m looking for some R&B/Pop the likes of Destiny’s Child or TLC. OR, I could take it back to En Vogue. Yes, I’m gonna do that. Today we’re shining the BHM light on En Vogue.

The group started out as 4 and ended up at 3 (kinda like Destiny’s Child) and had a string of hits along the way. They came along and blended church harmonies with pop/R&B grooves. On top of that, they brought a level of class and sex appeal. They were sexy but never raunchy. They didn’t have to be, as they had amazing voices.

I could really go on about them and their influences but it’s getting late and I’m tired. Hell, I really wanted to give them today’s BHM spotlight solely based on the breakdown in this song:

BHM Day 24: Harlem Shake (The Original One)

Harlem is having a great little run right now. People are talking about it left and right all because of this Harlem Shake craze that has America by the balls. The new Harlem Shake has nothing to do with the original, so I'm not even sure why it's called the Harlem Shake, but whatever. I hope you weren't under the impression that I was going to do a BHM spotlight on a dance that has nothing to do with Harlem. If you were, you are dumb. So dumb. For real.

The original Harlem Shake was started in 1981 and is a dance that people from Harlem do NOT take lightly. I first came across the Harlem Shake when Diddy introduced me to it. Yes, I'm lame. Sorry, that Diddy had to put me up on some new-new, but hey, I'm from the MidWest. Many Harlem Natives are sick and tired of this New Harlem Shake and are out to set the record straight. It's pretty cool seeing some sort of tradition carried on. Plus, these kids are dope as hell. I might have to do my part to bring the original back to it's former glory.

BHM Day 23: Solange Knowles

So many people don’t know that Beyonce has a sister who has not one but THREE albums out. (Well two albums and an EP) Solange Piaget Knowles is the younger, often over looked sister who seems to finally have found her stride. For that, I think she is deserving of today’s BHM spotlight. I mean, one can’t be THAT Beyonce adjacent and NOT get some shine.

When Solo first hit the scene, she came out styled very Rastafarian and it seemed pretty odd. Her first CD, “Solo Star” was actually decent. I don’t think many people other than me and her mama actually bought it. Fun fact: Solange was actually supposed to be in a group with Ashlee Simpson at one point. I couldn’t have made that shit up if I tried. Random as hell, but true.

Most artists who flop like Solo don’t get a second chance, but Beyonce’s sister did. She put out Sol-Angel and the Hadley Street Dreams and actually got some critical praise for her single “I Decided” It seemed like she was poised to take her rightful place and the heir to Bey’s throne. Then that CD flopped and I thought it was over for Solo and singing. She then turned to DJ’ing which annoyed me as it seems to be what everyone was doing. It turned out that she wasn’t half bad at it thought. Who knew?!

It was around this time that I started to see a different side of Solo. She went from being sweet and media trained to ratchet as hell. I LOVED seeing it. She would go on social media and threaten to push back the wig of anyone who tried to come for her sister. She went on a Fox News program and the first words out of her mouth were PURE SHADE. Basically Solo just let it be known that Beyonce was the one who had to pretend to care and give fucks, but without that level of fame she was free to meet you in the parking lot and whip your ass. Damn, I love this woman.

Recently, Solange has become quite the fashionista. She is constantly photographed wearing up and coming designers and being right on trend. She’s back to making music and seems to have found her calling: Being to hipsters what Beyonce is to the masses. I think it’s great to see her finally find her lane and be able to exist as more than Beyonce’s sister/stunt double. Ok, I don’t know if she was ever Bey’s stunt double, but that’s totally some shit I could see Matthew Knowles putting her up to.

I have always freaking loved this song:

BHM Day 22: Accountants

Today’s BHM spotlight is gonna shine brightly upon accountants. Black accountants? Sure, whynot! I am actually shining this light on the whole profession of accounting because wealthy black folks need to learn how to stay wealthy. I know that somewhere in my tens and tens of readers there Is a black celebrity out there that will find some use from today’s BHM spotlight.

Black folks going broke isn’t really new. I think Black folks often feel that pressure to stay fresh to death and I’m working out my hypothesis about it being in our DNA. When I was growing up, I remember hearing when MC Hammer went from having 30 million to basically being flat broke. People were so amazed that something like that could happen so fast. Toni Braxton followed suit and filed bankruptcy not once but twice. The hell? I mean, maybe the first time she missed Hammer’s Behind the Music” but two times? Damn, son!
Beyond spending too much money, it seems like a ridiculous amount of black celebrities find themselves in trouble with the IRS. How people like Chris Tucker and Lauryn Hill think it’s ok to not pay taxes is beyond me. I make a fraction of these people and freak the F out every year during tax season because I’m afraid of going to jail. I mean, people like me aren’t built for jails. I’m tall and need lots of space. Plus, have you people seen me? They’d be trading me for cases of Newports in NO time. OK, so this just became about me. Ugh. Sorry.

Black celebrities, I need you to listen up: HIRE ACCOUNTANTS. The same way you go out and find a good jeweler and car customizer, I really need you to go out and find someone who will ensure that you won’t have to go on a reality show just to make ends meet. We all know who does these shows for the money and it’s NEVER a good look. You’ve worked hard to get your money, so why not do everything you can to protect it? I really need the stories of people like Mary J. Blige going broke to end. You’ve all been put on notice and have no excuse any longer. You’re welcome.

BHM Day 21: Dawn Richard

Danity Kane was formed on a season of MTV’s “Making the Band” We got to follow the whole process of selecting the 5 members from open auditions and ultimately saw them get broken up by Diddy. I was heartbroken, as I REALLY loved the group. IT seemed so odd, as the group had just put out their sophomore CD and it seemed as if they were poised to be a wildly successful group. One of the members Dawn Richard happens to be the recipient of today’s BHM spotlight.

When she was in the group, I really didn’t care for Dawn. She was a great dancer, but I never really cared for her tone or her style. She was a bit boring when contrasted with her band mates like Aubrey or D. Woods. In later seasons of MTB, I grew to respect her. She seemed like she was 1) just happy to be in a successful group and collecting a check 2) a hard worker and 3) not an ego driven bitch (Hey Aubrey!)

Diddy apparently picked up on what I did and put her in his group, Dirty Money. I think they released one of the best CDs of that year, but they failed to be HUGE. They disbanded and all did their own things. Kaleena went back to being popular in Russia. Diddy went back to peddling Ciroc and fondling Cassie’s newly purchased titty balls. Dawn went to the studio and went into BEAST mode.

To be honest, I always felt like Dawn was great in groups and not much of a solo artist. I was so wrong. She somehow managed to find her own lane and started her own movement. She went the independent route which is NOT easy by any means and put out compelling songs and videos that kept people interested. I would have never pegged her to be the DK member to be the most relevant musically post DK.

Dawn just released a CD, “Goldenheart” which is actually dope as hell. It flows together and takes us back to the days when albums were cohesive works of art and not just a bunch of singles thrown together. Dawn is proof positive that hard work and talent can and will win out in the end. Brava girl, keep doing your thing!



She deserves the BHM spotlight for the Heel-Toe at 4:39 IN STILETTOS. Come on now!

BHM Day 20: Steve Urkel

Today’s BHM has me feeling kind of conflicted. On one hand he played a character on TV that we had never seen. He became a pop culture icon at the height of his show’s popularity. On the other hand, when people THOUGHT they were being funny, they would call me this person’s name. Who do I speak of? Taye Diggs? No! Tyson Beckford? His tiny ass wishes! I speak of Jaleel White A.K.A. Steve Urkel.

Urkel quickly became the standout star of the show “Family Matters” The show itself was big, as it was a show based on a Black family that was a little more middle class than America had seen with “The Cosby Show” The characters showed America that there could be healthy two parent Black households with smart, well adjusted children. Somehow Urkel, the neighbourhood geek became an American obsession. He had one liners like “Did I do that?” and had an unmistakable style and voice. Hell, the boy even had his own doll. Oddly enough my brother (who was 11 years older than me) owned one of said dolls.
The fact that Urkel was able to win over the hearts and minds of Americans (even those in the flat states) speaks volumes. He wasn’t the most attractive, or coolest. He wasn’t someone you aspired to be, but you couldn’t help but love the little bastard. I personally feel like Urkel didn’t get enough respect. He appeared on Full House, had a high rated show on TGIF (Which was the shit, mind you) and even played his own cousin, Myrtle as well as a cooler version of himself (Stefan Urkal) The man was hustling before we had a name for it! Give a bitch an Emmy already!

I see that Jaleel White is now hosting a show, and I’m proud that he somehow survived being a child star without turning to drugs (like his co star who played Judy) or porn (also like his co star who played Judy). Urkel, keep on making us proud!

If you’ve forgotten how to do the Urkel, here’s a refresher course:

BHM Day 19: Sweet Brown

If you tell me you're not jealous of Shemar Moore in the above photo, I'mma call you a damn liar!



So I was going to really spend today talking about a historical Black leader of the community who helped make the world a better place. I then, realized that I didn’t feel like doing any research and one phrase came to mind: “Ain’t nobody got time for that!” It was at that point that I was like “Duh, talk about the American treasure known simply as Sweet Brown” Don’t you just love when great things come to you?

If you don’t know who Sweet Brown is, you are 1) living under a rock and 2) not living at all. She is a magical being who came to us in a viral video, where she told her story of going out for a cold pop and coming across flames. FLAMES I SAY! The way in which she tells the story is just precious. Her face lights up and she really takes you back to her complex and you can actually smell the smoke. She is a wordsmith, not unlike the great Maya Angelou.
Beyond her way with words, Sweet Brown has also helped talk about the important of issue. Before her , no one had time for it (get it?) but she brought national exposure to this super unimportant matter. Talk about using one’s celebrity for good! I sure hope Kim Kardashian’s trifling ass is paying attention.

The Sweet Brown video is old as hell, yet she has managed to stretch out her 15 minutes of fame. She could have gone the way of that sweet, sweet zestleman, Antoine Dodson, but she has decided to stick around. Can someone please cue up Beyonce’s “I Was Here”? Truthfully I think she just happened to luck into a phrase that just applies so often in people’s everyday life.


Example:
Boss Lady: Ian, can you please go through those email I sent you to find that one file whose name I can’t remember right now?
Ian: Ain’t nobody got time for that!

Or

Restaurant patron on a busy Friday night: Can you please go through your wine list and tell me about every single offering?!

Bitchy server who has bigger and better tipping tables: Girl, ain’t nobody got time for that!

See, it really does work for just about anyone at any time. With just six simple words Sweet Brown has found a way to unite the masses. It doesn’t matter where you’re from or your economic status, her words bond people. BHM is all about unity and today BHM is about Sweet Brown.

You know you’ve seen it, but you know you can’t stop watching it:





Oh, and Beyonce likes her too:

BHM Day 18: Condoleezza Rice

Condoleeza Rice may not be a huge fixture on the political scene anymore, but I think people have forgotten what a huge force she was. Today that foolishness stops! BHM spotlight, DO YOUR THING! Condi, today is your day and people will know that you are a bad broad. You’re welcome.

I’m not quite sure why, but I’ve always been fascinated by Condoleezza Rice. Ok, I get it: first African American Secretary of State, first female National Security Advisor, She advised on the dissolution of the Soviet Union. Enough! We get it. She’s done a bunch of groundbreaking things. I’m just impressed by a black woman being a republican. I kid.

I think for me, my fascination lies in her restraint. I never really felt like I knew much about her. It seemed as if playing classical piano was her way of letting her hair down and that just didn't really satisfy me. I always imagined her being hella sassy and shooting straight from the hip. If anyone knows her to be any different, I beg you to shut the fuck up and not ruin my fantasy.

Since Condoleezza gave the youth something to which they could aspire you have to celebrate that. It doesn’t matter her political affiliations. In this day and age when people look to the likes of Natalie Nunn, it’s nice to see an educated woman doing things for herself. With that being said, I will give a kidney to the first person who can send video of her doing the Harlem Shake. Hell, I’d just like to see her do a soulful wobble at a wedding.

BHM Day 17: Jamie Foxx

I was super proud of getting all caught up on my BHM posts and then my internet went out and I couldn’t post. I don’t want to point any fingers, but I’m thinking the MAN had something to do with it. (well him, or my landlady who knows NOTHING about anything) I will not be silenced and my BHM spotlight will shine BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND.

Today I’m going to give props to Jamie Foxx. Who would have known that he would have blown up like he has judging from his days on “In Living Color”? I certainly did not. I mean, he was funny doing Wanda, but I was never his biggest fan. Apparently I was alone on this one, as he soon landed his own show. It was mildly funny but kind of borrowed heavily from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. He did come up with his own unique hand in the face with a screeching sound movement that became all the rage.
Jamie did “Ray” and earned tons of accolades. He was a legit actor. So like any great actor before him (DeNiro, Brando, Demi Lovato) he turned to music. Luckily for us, he actually has a decent voice. He smashed on Kanye’s “Golddigger” and made us ALL blame it on the alcohol.

Recently he played Django in “Django Unchained” I think he played this role exquisitely and made me interested in the movie the whole time. I mean, what’s not to love about a slave who loves to dress flamboyantly and kill white people? The movie helped remind me of his talent and made me forget about his somewhat douche-y personality. In this BHM, I am not here to point out any shortcomings, so let’s lift up brotha Foxx for being so damned talented!

Also, so how awkward was it for me at work the next day after seeing Django to have someone talk to me for an uncomfortable amount of time about his penis? *shudder*

BHM Day 16: The Dream

Have you ever wondered who wrote some of today’s biggest, most dramatic(al) songs? Probably not. Songwriters are some of the unsung heroes of the music industry. There are a few who have made the transition from writing and producing to artist. I thought of talking about Ne-Yo, but everyone knows his story and he has more shine than some other prominent writers but lesser known artists. Terius “The Dream” Nash is one of those. He has experienced decent success with such hits as “Shawty is a 10” and umm, that’s all I can think of. Today I am actually going to shine my BHM light on him because of his contributions writing for other artists.
He has written for the Brits and the Biebers of the music industry. Rihanna, Beyonce and Mariah all go to him when it comes time to record albums. The man is a beast, yet most people wouldn’t have the slightest idea who he was. I will tell you who he is: THE MAN GETTING MONEY HAND OVER FIST. Writing is where the money is people!

Mariah:” Obsessed” Platinum

RIhanna: “Umbrella” 3x Platinum

Bieber: “Baby” 3x platinum in the US

Beyonce: “Single Ladies” (yes a dude wrote that) 4x Platinum

Kanye: “All of the Lights” Grammy winning

His track record is pretty damned impressive and he somehow managed to bag Christina Milian. Then he cheated on her. Clearly this man has something going for him and needs to be recognized. He did have Jay Z make fun of his “swap meet hat” at this year’s Grammy’s but I’m certain that my blog is FAR more influential than that silly show.

BHM Day 15: Serena Williams

Today’s BHM shout out will be short and sweet. Serena Williams is a beast and a bad bitch in general. I mean, on a tennis court it’s like she is straight up bullying these heiffas. I know that I would be terrified to have a Serena serve or even a backhand come my way. Then she’d top off her amazing win with a crip walk that would make Snoop himself shed a tear.

I haven’t even started talking about the crazy clothes that she brought to a pretty drab sport. She took this love of fashion and now sells it to bored housewives and zestlefolk on HSN. WORK SERENA! Feel free to twirl in one of your Serena William’s dresses.
So beyond her tennis ability and her fashion sense, she also has ass for days. It has lead to her being name checked by Kanye and has bedded Common. She was giving us ass before Nicki even finished paying hers off. She’s the O.G. and people need to respect this chick. She IS from Compton (don’t mistake her being well spoken and polished for the media as her being soft)

This week Serena returned to the number one spot in women’s tennis. She’s 32 and is STILL a boss. If that’s not reason enough to celebrate, this most certainly is:

BHM Day 14: Tika Sumpter

Anyone who knows anything about me knows that I love the show “Gossip Girl” It was filled with drama, fashion and had NYC as it’s backdrop. I mean, what is NOT to love about it?! Umm, I will tell you what; it’s lack of black people. How is a show taking place in New York and only has ONE Black character for the bulk of it? Sounds real “Friends” like to me, but don’t even get me started on those people.

Anyway, so imagine how excited I was a couple seasons back when they introduced Tika Sumpter and her family to the Upper East Side. Finally black people with money who could scheme and plot with the best of them! On top of that, she was able to capture the interest of Chuck Bass! Who knew his zesty ass would be cocoa curious and certified in a matter of a couple episodes? Blair was hating and doing some squats in the hope of keeping up.

Right around her stint on GG, Tika seemed to be everywhere. I really hadn't heard of her before the show but started seeing her on every red carpet and at all the award shows. Apparently she was a soap actress, but I can’t be bothered with soaps. Like seriously, who does? After her role in “Sparkle” she seems poised to have an even bigger career ahead of her. I wouldn't doubt it as she is beautiful and I think she’s a pretty good actress as well. On top of that, she was all up on Oprah’s Instagram the other day. Now if that’s not a co sign, then I don’t know what is. Good enough for Oprah means your good enough for the BusyBoyd BHM spotlight. NOW TWIRL!

BHM Day 13: Black Bond Girls

So I’ve been obsessing over James Bond for the past two months or so. I gonna go ahead and blame Adele for that one. I’m reading the books, listening to theme songs and I saw “Skyfall” awhile back. In that movie, people were making a big deal about the fact that there was a Black British girl as a Bond girl. Yeah, in 2012. Like seriously?

It’s cool that Noemie got that role and it’s even cooler that she shot James’ ass. I think it’s important to remember that she wasn’t the first and only Black Bond girl. Trina Parks was actually the first, with her appearance as Thumper. She rocked a yellow bikini, flawless skin and an afro while kicking James in his junk. I’m pretty sure Bond learned early on that Black girls don’t PLAY.
Rosie Carver appeared next and actually let James up in her goodie jar. That was pretty important and even had to be edited out before the film was released in South Africa. It was 1973 and people weren’t necessarily ready to see all that swirl action JUST yet. Grace Jones followed in 1985 and was scary as hell. I haven’t seen the film but I saw a still from it and she looks terrifying. Then again, I just am scared on Grace Jones in general, but that’s a different story. Halle Berry got hot and heavy with Bond in 2002.
See, there have been Black women represented in these films. Some see their exclusion as a good thing because Bond girls are usually nothing more than sex toys. I see the inclusion of these women as a good thing as it shows the changing face of America and helps dispel the notion that only Blonde hair, blue eyed women are beautiful. Hell, the Black women have all had natural hair, which is pretty major itself, since often times Black women need to adhere to White ideals of beauty to be considered beautiful.

So today let’s give a shout out to the Black Bond women. They are an amazingly awesome group of bad chicks who have paved the way for other Black actresses in Hollywood. Plus they all look good in swimwear.

BHM Day 12: Tami Roman

I'm a HUGE fan of reality television. I started watching the Real World when it was filled with average looking people (minus Eric Nies. Can I get a witness up in here?!)living their lives and interacting with one another. It then moved on to LA later on and we were introduced to Tami. She was an aspiring singer at the time and had interesting stories during her season. She wired her jaw shut for weight loss, she had an abortion and she helped create a now necessary role in reality tv: The Angry Black Woman.

After Real World, Tami went on to act. I think she may have even been in a fellow BHM spotlight recipient, Kenya Moore production. She would up marrying Kenny Anderson and got divorced which made her PERFECT for Basketball Wives. The title of the show should have been "Basketball Exes, Tricks and Baby Mamas" but I guess that title is just a bit long. Oh well. On that show she came on and showed some growth. She had kids now and a new wig and was ready to show a different side of herself. She quickly ended up becoming the show's resident bully and was known to be quick to flip. Drunk ass Tami once again owned her title of Angry Black Woman/The Raging Thundercunt.

Tami doesn't just get the spotlight for her pioneering ways. I mean, without her the world would have never met Real World's Coral, Bad Girl's Club's Tanisha, or ANTM's Bianca. She has also figured out how to stretch her 15 minutes into 15 years. She is now somewhat relevant again and that says a lot since I'm not quite sure where her talents lie. She does weight loss ads and is launching some nail polish line. Girl, I guess! I'm not here to hate (esp during BHM!) so go on and collect them checks.

This is where is all began...

BHM Day 11: Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben

I was grocery shopping in my typical fashion ( me running up and down every aisle in a crazed pace and looking like a contestant from “Supermarket Sweep”) when I had a revelation. Well actually I had a few. First, Supermarket Sweep was an AMAZING show. Second, I totally should probably start making grocery lists. Finally I started thinking about Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben. I’m no histrorian and I’m far too lazy to look up the details of these brands, but it seems as if they were both established after slavery. So, who thought it’d be a great idea to have their products represented to mainstream America by characters who conjured up memories of slaves?

I’ll tell you who: WHITE PEOPLE. I just have always found the whole Aunt Jemima, Mrs. Butterworth, Uncle Ben thing to be so fascinating. Growing up, I remember seeing commercials for these products and the characters were always talking to wholesome, all- American families who 1) didn’t look anything like me and 2) sure as hell didn’t look like they should be calling these people their aunt or uncle. Somehow these characters managed to stand the test of time and became iconic. Aunt Jemima equals pancakes. Uncle Ben is my go to guy for rice. (just kidding. I actually prefer jasmine or just plain brown rice for those of you who care)

So today I am shining my BHM spotlight on Ben, Jemima, Rasus and even Mrs. Butterworth. They were one of the first waves of black “celebrities” to cross lines and enter the homes and hearts. of white people all over. They opened the doors for the likes of Will Smith. For that we should all be thankful. They also serve as a reminder of ignorance, from times (not so) long ago. Damn, now I REALLY want some pancakes. Ugh.

BHM Day 10: Leonard

I just came across this person tonight randomly. He won Teen Jeopardy. I love seeing educated brothas whoop up on other dorks! No, but seriously, it's always pretty cool when people are smart but don't come off as complete tools. I didn't see his whole episode, just a bunch of clips of his answers. When I saw him answer "neckbone" I started shaking my head and began to think that the Man was setting up Leonard to look dumb as hell in front of all America. I started dialing Rev. Al Sharpton, but I'm glad I stopped. For one, that man can talk your ear off! Beyond that, I didn't even need Al, as Leonard proved to be hella smart. Good job Lenny! You're 75K richer. Please put that towards college or another good investment like rims.

BHM Day 9: Sir Mix-A-Lot

Today I am shining my BHM light on someone whose contributions to Americans (of all backrounds) has been overlooked for FAR too long. Today credit will be given where it is due. Today, I celebrate Sir Mix-a-lot! Give the man a round of applause!
Why did I choose this rapper? Because I can. That’s why. When will y’all learn?! Beyond that I have chosen Sir Mix-A-Lot because of his contributions to not only music, but the way in which Americans see Black women. Before you start rolling your eyes thinking I’ve lost it, let me explain myself.

“Baby Got Back” was a HUGE song. It went double platinum and even earned a Grammy. That alone is pretty massive. The video featured Sir Mix-A-Lot rapping on a set of ass cheeks, surrounded by women in tight short shorts. On the surface, it didn’t appear to be a song meant to celebrate and empower women. HOWEVER, when one looks deeper and listens to the lyrics, the message of accepting a different kind of beauty shines through. He talks about liking the curves that come so naturally to black women. He tells them not to compare themselves to magazines who tell them that they are fat or undesirable. The man lifts up his Black woman and lets her know that she is loved and seen as an object to be desired. On top of that he promises not to cuss or hit her. What a standup guy! He is totally worthy of the title of “sir” Chris Brown, you will never be as classy as Sir Mix-A-Lot!

I honestly think the crossover success of the song brought booty awareness to mainstream America. I remember when having a “ghetto booty” was seen as a bad thing by white girls. Now they are embracing it and the ones without are poking it out like their back broke. He certainly opened the door for the likes of J. Lo and Nicki Minaj to be seen as bootyful (see what I did there?!)

So now, I hope that America sees what a great service Sir Mix –A-Lot did for not only Black America, but for awesome asses all over the world.

BHM Day 8: Kerry Washington

Ok, I’m gonna be honest: when I first remember coming across today’s BHM spotlight recipient I wasn’t impressed. She was in a wonderful movie starring opposite my arch nemesis Julia Stiles. She just came across as doing too much and I didn’t believe her as the hard, New York older sister (Funny enough she’s from the Bronx). Plus, I didn’t like the way they styled her. I speak of none other than Kerry Washington. Let’s just say that I have come around. I am team Kerry these days!

Why the change? Stop asking questions and let me tell my story you inpatient bastard! I fell for Ms. Washington when I came across her on her new hit show “Scandal” I initially didn’t watch it because it was by the lady behind “Grey’s Anatomy” I haven’t watched that show for fear that my penis will shrivel and fall off. I love my dick too much to do that to it. One of my friend’s told me to watch it and I happened to trust her, so I did. I began watching season one on Netflix and was HOOKED.

Kerry is the star of the show. She's smart, talks fast, dresses amazing and is boning the POTUS. We have three of the previous four articles in common, but I will NEVER tell which. Tee hee! Her character is strong which is remarkable enough. The fact that she is a Black woman makes it unheard of. “Scandal” is the first show I can think of featuring a Black female lead that has had primetime success like this. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but first, feel free to slap yourself in the face for trying to come for me on my own blog! The nerve of some people!

Anyway, so Kerry is doing exceedingly well on television and was cast in Tarantino’s “Django Unchained” I thought she did really well in the movie and proved that Black people can speak German. Will this woman ever stop pushing boundaries and rewriting the rulebook? Probably not. But in all seriousness, her success has already helped open doors for the likes of Meagan Good and her new primetime show. It’s nice to see Black people portrayed in a light other than what reality TV has show America. For being such an awesome example, today we salute Kerry Washington.

p.s. I tried not to bring up how beautiful she is, but seriously y’all… DAMN.
p.p.s She is of Jamaican blood so we are basically related.

BHM Day 7: Phil Drummond

Ok, it’s not that I don’t LOVE BHM, but I had to stop doing a daily post because I decided to take some ME time. I went on vacation and kind of unplugged, which was nice. I’m sure Rosa Parks and them would be happy to see me living my life and doing ho shit in NYC. Kidding. (sort of) I will be doing two posts a day until I am caught up, because I am JUST that dedicated and have THAT much free time to give to this project of mine. I started it, and I’m sure as hell gonna finish it. Ok!?

So today I want to shine the BHM spotlight on Phil Drummond. He was the rich white man from Diff’rent Strokes” who adopted two black kids into his amazing Upper East Side apartment. Sure he could have adopted children that looked more like him, but he said “NO!” and went with his heart. Keep in mind this was in a time waaay before Angelina and Brad made it cool to adopt children of other backgrounds. Phil Drummond saw through to the true character of those boys. Sure they were a tax break for him, but deep within their souls, they possessed all the potential in the world. Deep stuff.

For Phil Drummond’s pioneering ways in interracial adoption, I shine my BHM light on him. I could have shone it on George from “Webster” but I liked Phil and his show better. Webster DID have access to a sick dumbwaiter, which I suppose deserves mention. Let’s thank these men for giving me the hope that one day I too, might be snatched up and whisked away to live the rich and fabulous life I was meant to have. It’s all about hopes and dreams, isn’t it?

BHM Day 6: CPT

This post is kind of funny because it's totally a day late. Sorry, I passed out and forgot to post.

Today’s BHM spotlight goes not on a person, but on a concept. This concept is a stereotype to which, I just so happen to subscribe. What am I talking about? Coloured People Time, or CPT. I want to bring attention to CPT, as I feel like some of my white friends and readers out there could use a lesson in why I am constantly late. Basically CPT refers to Black people having their own clock and being late as hell. It’s known and accepted in the Black community, but doesn’t seem to have much understanding outside of it. Well that ends today! Time to shine the light!

I am late oftentimes for a few reasons. For one, I often misjudge time. Sure it is usually a 20 minute drive to work, BUT If I only have 10 minutes there is a chance that I can catch all greens and drive Tokyo Drift style and have a hope of being on time. False. Not only do I suck at judging time, I also somehow seem to think the planets will ALWAYS align just right so that I can make whatever appointment I have. Additionally, I am late because I like to look fresh to death. I can’t help it. Black people are born with this innate desire to stunt on hoes. Who am I to fight DNA? I could be dressed and ready to leave the house and then all of a sudden decide that I need to wear some new shoes. That of course changes everything and before you know it, I’m late as hell.

I shouldn’t really be speaking for all Black people, but whatever. There’s a lot of things that I shouldn’t do. Sometimes I swim after eating WITHOUT waiting the suggested 30 minutes. I text and walk. I pretty much do whatever I want. Deal with it. I hope that everyone now has a sense of the concept/condition of CPT, Please be a bit more understanding next time a Black person makes you wait. Don’t lecture him/her on time management, just give them a hug and say “I understand my brotha/sista” Ok, maybe don’t do that. Black people also need space, but that might be another BHM post….

BHM Day 5: Kenya Moore

I just got back on the Real Housewives of Atlanta train and boy am I ever excited I did. No, I wasn’t there to see Kim and her Miss Piggy hair (I think my friend Nate may have been the one to coin that). I heard that they brought in some new blood that was sure to fuel the drama. One of those new women just happens to be the recipient of today’s BHM spotlight; Kenya Moore please come and accept this shine!!

Quick history: Kenya won Miss USA way a long time ago. It was a big deal for Black women and she was a pioneer. These are all her own words. The bitch doesn’t have a humble bone in her body. But that is why I’m not mad! In Kenya’s mind, she is the Rosa Parks of umm, EVERYTHING. Sometimes we have to be our own biggest fan. Kenya, thank you for teaching us this valuable life lesson. Anyway, she apparently has continued to keep her name somewhat relevant by modeling and producing movies.

I fell in love with Kenya when I first heard her tag line of “I won miss USA not, Miss Congeniality” That right there was GENIUS. I knew from the jump she was going to be a real C U Next ,Twat. Early on she blessed us with the awesome phrase of “Coochie Crack” during a model casting. I was waving my team Kenya flag real high at that point. Then she took me to infinity and beyond when she dropped “I’m gone with the wind fabulous!” She then proceeded to twirl. That is when I swooned and was only brought back to life thanks to some wonderful smelling salts.

Can we just stop and think about that phrase? I mean, no one really talks about that movie in 2013. Imagine how shocked you’d be if when during a fight, the other person was like “Man, I am Streetcar named desire, FIERCE! OK?!” You’d be blindsided, confused and probably unsure of how to follow that up, right? That’s pretty much how her opponent felt. Kenya:1 Haters:0

In true reality tv famewhore style, Kenya turned the phrase into a song. It was really just her talking over a generic, gay dance beat. That was, in no way shade as I think the song is catchy as all hell. “you say I’m crazy. I say I’m fabulous!” Give a woman a Grammy already. I find myself saying the lyrics to people all the time:

BL: Ian, you’re late
Ian: I say I’m fabulous!

To make this Kenya’s BEST WEEK EVER, Beyonce (Kenya says that she gets mistaken for her on a daily basis... Girl bye!) just said her catch phrase post SuperBowl. KENYA YOU’VED MADE IT! BASK IN YOUR BHM LIGHT YOU FABULOUS THING, YOU!

BHM Day 4: Ru Paul

Today on this fourth day of BHM, I have decided to shine my light on a zestleperson who has managed to cross over into mainstream America. No, I’m not talking about Tevin Campbell or that little boy from “Who’s the Boss?” (he’s not even Black, y’all!!” I speak of the one and only RuPaul. Ru has been around for a long ass time. I remember my sister blaring the HELL out of her “Supermodel” single when she was working on her signature runway walk. Ru had a show on “VH1” that was actually not horrible. Oddly enough, I started saying “That’s hot” when I heard it on that talk show which was YEARS before that white girl Paris Hilton, tried to trademark it. White people stay trying to take credit!

Ok, well a club song and a show on VH1 doesn’t really make you relevant. RuPaul came around with “Ru Paul’s Drag Race” and the show really caught on. It wasn’t really groundbreaking and just pretty much stole from ANTM and Project Runway, yet it seemed so fresh and fun. The gays LOVED it. Soon the non gays were catching on and even starting to get hip to the drag queen lingo. I had girls calling me “hunty” and asking to see my “cunt” (umm, ew) Even as Logo decided to get rid of gay programming in an attempt to reach a broader audience, they kept Drag Race. That’s how you know you’re a boss. Given Beyonce's scandal over lip synching,Ru Paul's "Lip-synch for your LIFE" has had the best fortnight EVER.



Ru has left a mark on the world. Thanks to him up and coming queens have some big stilettos to fill. Now, people aren’t just going to be satisfied with a tight lace front and a stellar tuck job; you’ve got to affect some sort of change in the world. When Ru hangs up his heels, it'll be up to the next generation of black zestlemen to give white people fun catch phrases. You all have your work cut out for you, DON'T FUCK IT UP.

BHM Day 3: Michelle Williams (The Black One Duh!)

So during BHM, I try not to shine the light on individuals who have been highlighted in the past. I mean, there are SO many talented Black people out there, why just focus on the same ones over and over? I’ll tell you why: THIS IS MY BLOG AND I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT! Kidding (not really) No, today I am going to actually celebrate Michelle Williams. Last year I highlighted her for basically doing her own thing and knowing her place (right the fuck behind Beyonce and Michelle). This year’s spotlight is a bit more of an intervention.

Michelle girl, I am kind of concerned… I saw you late last year on “Styled by June” where June Ambrose tried to update your look and restore your confidence. You went on there looking like a preacher’s wife and fought her tooth and nail. It was as if you wanted to distance yourself from Destiny’s Child as much as possible. I get that the group broke up and you have to move on, but lezbi honest: people weren’t checking for you before DC, so don’t be so quick to ditch them other chicks.

Then, I see an article where you talked about the depression that came from being a less famous member of the group. This made me sad, as I really thought you were intelligent enough to know how lucky you were and that a check is in fact, STILL A CHECK. If it makes you feel any better, when people think of DC, they think BEYONCE, Kelly and then michelle. They aren’t thinking about Latavia or Letoya. I’m willing to be a LOT that most have forgotten about Farrah, who came in as a replacement when you did. So in summary, you might not have the most celebrity, but you’re doing better than those chicks! It could always be worse!

The latest article and major source of concern has you stating that you won’t be in Beyonce’s halftime show because you are just crazy busy being in a musical and recording your album. Woman, did you bump your head? If Bey asks you to meet her at Target, you drop what you are doing and meet her at Target. Why ever, would you scoff at a chance to reunite? I really don’t think that anyone believes that you are busy doing much of anything. Yes you might be the head cashier at Target, but you can request a day off. I’m sure management would understand. If anything, quit! You and I both know your boy, Ciara would hook you up with a job at Sonic.
I’m really hoping that Matthew Knowles told you to lie about being busy to keep a shroud of secrecy around the set list. It just looks really suspicious that your musical released a statement saying that you weren’t going to be in the show RIGHT around the Superbowl. My pushback to him would have had Kelly saying the lie. She has stuff going on. Don’t get me wrong, I’d still call her out but I might only laugh for like 5 minutes, not the full ten that I gave to you. I am getting my BEST prayer warriors out to pray that you snap out of whatever delusional funk you have been in lately. I may be hard on you but it’s only because *in Tyra voice* I’m ROOTING FOR YOU! Do your gospel and broadway thing, but don’t forget the finely manicured hand that feeds you.

BHM Day 2: Janet Jackson

The SuperBowl is apparently fast approaching. Ok, I can’t even play coy about it! I am super geeked about this whole situation. What team am I rooting for? Slap yourself for even asking me such a question. I kind of stopped caring after the Bears won back in the 80s. I’m pretty much here for the delicious, fattening foods at the viewing parties. Well that, and BEYONCE GISELE KNOWLES-CARTER.

A couple days ago she came out and sang the national anthem live and acapella to shut haters up. It got me thinking about the original lip synching pop diva who was changing the game when Bey was still having her diapers changed. I speak of Janet Damita Jo (Country as hell, right?) Jackson. Feel free to call her Miss Jackson, if you’re nasty. Janet really helped redefine pop music and what it meant to be a performer. She gave amazing shows and videos. Sure her voice isn’t the greatest, but she could dance her ass off and make you angry at yourself for blinking and missing any part of her show. I think it’s safe to say that without Janet the music scene wouldn’t be the same. The Beyonces, RIhannas and Ciaras (one of these things is NOT like the others) wouldn’t exist in the same capacity.

I was watching Beyonce talk about how she studied tapes of Halftime performers before her. She brought up greats like Madonna, Prince, Diana Ross and MJ but she causally skipped over Janet. Did she watch that show? You bet your phony pony she did. Beyonce has clearly been influenced by Janet, but she was trying to distance herself from Tittygate. Minus the nipple baring and the backlash that ensued, the performance was pretty great. I feel like flashing your boob is a last ditch resort(See: Courtney Love) and totally not needed for such a talent. Janet got banned from MTV and her career never quite recovered. Sad, as she kind of ended her career as a major musician on a sour note. One nipple undid Rhythm Nation and If. I won’t let people forget your greatness Janet. I got chu!


Here’s to Janet and her magnificent boob for paving the way for Beyonce to perform tomorrow.

BHM Day 1: Dr. Dre

I don’t know if it’s just me, but I get REAL excited come February. Is it because I’m in love and ready to celebrate Valentine’s Day with my boo? Hell to the no! It’s Black History Month (BHM) and I get to shine my BHM spotlight wherever I so please. I may shine it on people who have influenced me. I may shine it on people that mainstream America might not know. Hell, I might just shine my light on some person who people just don’t talk about just so they have something that pops up if one were to look them up on Google. (I’m staring RIGHT at you, Latoya Jackson)


So today I went to T-Mobile to replace my phone which has been possessed by a sassy black woman named Thelma who REFUSES to do what she’s told. I saw a phone that came with Beat by Dr. Dre. I got to thinking “This man has truly figured out how to brand himself” He went from some headphones which I thought were just ridiculously overpriced neckwarmers (I since changed my stance after getting a pair. Thanks Simone!) to adding his stamp on laptops, speakers and even cell phones. It was estimated that he made 110 MILLION dollars between May 2011 and May 2012. Excuse me while I adjust my boner.

Dr. Dre became a household name as a member of N.W.A. He went on to launch the careers of Snoop Dogg (I refuse to call him Lion), Eminem, 50 cent, The Game, and Kendrick Lamar. He has released CDs which are seen as classics and also worked on classics for other artists. I honestly think the man is a musical genius. He hasn’t released a CD since 1999 and apparently is on his Guns N Roses bullshit. He has promised us “Detox” for over a decade and has yet to deliver. Why? BECAUSE HE IS DR. DRE AND DOESN’T NEED TO FOLLOW TIMELINES.

Personally, I think he is smart to not release an album. Hip Hop is a young man’s game and most of his greatness would most likely be lost on the ADHD riddled youth who buy (read: bootleg) music today. Instead, Dre has decided to pimp the game and make an assload of money. For that I salute him!

A couple videos for you to enjoy. Plug in your Beats by Dre and turn this ish UP!