Ian's Favourite Things: Solo Noir

Look under your seat!! Ok, I don't have Oprah cash so you won't be getting these prodcuts I feature, but you'll be up on some great things that I've found.


One of my Homewood-Flossmoor HS classmates recently contacted me on Facebook and told me about a skin care line that she had started. She probably didn't know this at the time, but I LOVE anything that has to do with skin and grooming. My bathroom cabinet looks like a mini Sephora pop up shop and I am always looking to try the newest and best. Giving me a sample of her line could prove an easy sell to a shopaholic, or a tough one, as I am pretty knowledgeable.


I was sent a sample of her collection and I was actually impressed just by the packaging. It was simple, modern and masculine. I shook off that initial awe, so I could be objective when discussing the product. I weened myself off my skin care regiment, which includes cleansers, toners, and moisturisers from different companies that I've found to work best for me. I hadn't shaved for most of November and had a face full of coarse and painful hair. It was time to put Solo Noir to the test.

I started out with Sleek, which is a Pre Shave Oil/Shaving Cream. I saw the word "cream" and got nervous, as I tend to prefer something more like Jack Black's beard lube as it is transparent and doesn't clog the razor. Sleek actually wasn't like most creams I have tried and actually gave me the same sort of shave that a beard lube would.

I followed up with Brave, which is the aftershave and toner. There was no burning as I applied it and it had a pleasant smell to it.

To end my shave, I used Smooth, the conditioner and smoother. It has a light consistency. It was a great finish to a shave, which sometimes can leave my skin feeling less than great. The main drawback with this product is that it doesn't have SPF in it, to which I have grown accustomed. This line is organic, so most compounds that we use as SPF wouldn't be allowed. I'm a person who needs the SPF included as I forget it and when I do remember I haven't really found many stand alone sunscreens that don't leave a gross residue on my face.

The cleanser for this line is called Dapper. I like how it left my face feeling after using it. Keeping with the two in one theme, Dapper has toner in it. A few times during my trial period, I used Refined, the buff and cleanse. This is mild and feels like you are exposing new skin, not bone. I liked it for that reason. Some exfoliants out there are so rough under the guise of helping get rid of dead skin layers, but go way too far and leave the skin feeling sensitive and dry.


Overall, I will say that I was impressed by this line. The organic slant to the line is nice. Your skin is the body's largest organ and says a lot to the world. Why try to eat healthy and workout, only to wash your face with chemicals you cannot pronounce? It was nice to see that although Solo Noir didn't rid me of acne or stop ingrown hairs (I have clear skin and don't really get ingrowns) it was able to give me the same results as my other products minus the chemicals. On top of that, I absolutely love the way it smells. It has a light scent which is pleasant, but not overpowering. Job well done, Solo Noir! The men's skincare industry has been blowing up over the past decade but I haven't really come across many lines that seemed tailor made for me. They have found a fan in me.


If you are interested, visit Solo Noir online @ www.solonoir.com

Album Review: Nicki Minaj- Re-Up

So a lot of people were let down by “Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded” I have to say that I was one of them. I liked how it started out, but then I wasn’t really a huge fan of the pop/fist pump set that made up the end of the CD. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t sing along to it in the club after a drink or 234, but I like mixtape, Nicki. Well Nicki must have gotten sick of only charting overseas and decided to re-issue her CD. These new tracks go hard and has Nicki doing what she does best: delivering great ass punch lines.

Up in Flames: I think this track has a big feel and is a great start to a CD. I was pretty much in love with this track after she said “I’mma violate you asses like Chris Stokes” I knew that she was ready to pop off at the gums and that made my heart smile

Freedom: Next single off this release. I like the track as it reminds me of something that Nas might spit over. This song basically has Nicki telling us how dope she is and how important to the industry she is. People don’t give her credit, and no one thanked Jesus for dying on the cross. Nicki, a MAC deal and some pepsi checks do NOT put you in the same group as Jesus. Sorry.

Hell Yeah: I’m not really feeling this. The track has LOT going on and it makes me kind of black out to be honest.

High School: I always like when Wayne and Nicki get together on tracks. I think she steps her game up when the bossman is on the same track.

I’m Legit: How Nicki ended up getting Ciara for this is beyond me. It’s fun, but it’s always weird to hear Ciara talking shit when she seems so quiet and sweet. Nicki’s flow goes from slow and choppy to rapid fire. I like how she switches it up.

I Endorse These Strippers: Fun song for girls who work the pole. It’s funny because it has a real presidential campaign commercial feel to the chorus. She sounds like a female Wayne here.

The Boys: I freaking love the beat. The drums basically pummel you upside the head, while a robotic Cassie sings a fun hook. What’s with Nicki bringing back all these throwback girls? She may hate other female MCs but she does her charity for R&B chicks who can’t chart. Brava Nick! Also it thrills me so that she references Love an Hip Hop's Joseline with that line about Steebie and her Cuddy cat. haha.


Overall this is a nice effort. I think the streets (and down ass white boys) will be pleased by this.

Album Review: Rihanna- "Unapologetic"

For those of you without a calendar, it’s November. What does that mean? Tons of men growing tragic moustaches, Thanksgiving, and for the past four years, a Rihanna album. Anyone that knows me know that I have been looking forward to this. I really enjoyed “Tal k That Talk” and was kind of surprised that it didn’t do better/spawn more singles. Then again, it produced the wildly successful “We Found Love” and “Where Have You Been” so I guess she’s doing better than many other artists. I was just happy that she continued on the up tempo streak she hinted at with “Loud” and gave me some music that made me want to dance. It’d totally be a logical step to continue with her successful trend for her next project, right? Well, as RIhanna would say “#Phuckyologic”

The lead single for “Unapologetic” is “Diamonds” It was penned by music’s it girl, Sia and was a definite departure from “Talk That Talk” I’ll be honest: I didn’t like the song at all when I first heard it. After listening to the lyrics and that damn “shine bright like a diamond” hook , I fell in love with it. I was ready for more music and was totally amped for the new project. I then played the CD start to finish without skipping anything. First impression: no impression. Nothing stuck. No tracks stood out to me as singles, there wasn’t anything that stayed with me hours afterwards (ie SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND!) Needless to say I was disappointed. I know Rihanna is unapologetic, but I felt like I deserved an apology. The CD felt completely vibed out on some Frank Ocean shit and I just didn’t feel like I was high enough to really appreciate it. Quick run down:

Phresh Off the Runway: RIh comes out with her guns blazing. Guetta gives us a track that doesn’t sound like anything I’ve heard him do, which is refreshing. The sample of “phresh off the runway” is a bit repetitive and the lyrics just pretty much have Rihanna talking about how dope she is. A good track to run to.

Diamonds: If you don’t know this song, you are dumb. GO away.

Numb: A laid back track that makes me want to curl up and eat pizza rolls and watch Sponge Bob. The chorus is just her “I’m going numb” repeated about 234423 times. I think the highlight of this song is Eminem’s verse. His wordplay and the effects they used on him are pretty dope.

Pour It Up: This could MAYBE bang in strip clubs if it was a tad bit faster. Rihanna is rich and likes strippers. Got it? Good.

Loveeeeee Song: A slow jam featuring Future. The track kind of lags to me and doesn’t really seem to go anywhere.

Jump: Did Rihanna really sample “Pony” by Ginuwine? It’s a cute song, but I think I give it more points because of that sample. She adds a dubstep breakdown to it, to update it for these children who don’t know that the original was cold as hell on its own.

Right Now: Another Guetta track, but this is a bit more classic Guetta. Ester Dean writes on this one so it feels a little more familiar as Ester has penned most of Rihanna’s biggest hits. This one doesn’t top their “Whose that Chick” collaboration.

What Now: After a blip of energy, Rihanna slows it down. This song is pretty cool and reminds me of “Too Close” by Alex Clare. It starts out slow and ballad like and then the chorus gets all gritty. I likes it gritty.

Stay: Another slow song. She premiered this on SNL last week. The lyrics are really deep. It’s pretty much just her and a piano, which is ballsy for someone who isn’t really known for her vocal prowess. It works for her though.

Nobody’s Business: This features Chris Brown and it samples Michael Jackson. I thought that for a couple of kids who are sick of people all up in their faces, they would have come with a harder track, but this is a sweet, breezy track. They don’t even cuss. This track reminds me of Bobby and Whit’s “Something in Common” Take that however you please.

Love without Tragedy/Mother Mary: this reminds me of the beginning of MJ’s “Dirty Diana” It’s an interesting track that also makes me think of the Police. I know that’s a random reference, but whatever, I’m random. Rih asks “what’s a love without tragedy?” I say “FUNCTIONAL”

Get it Over with: This has a Frank Ocean vibe to it, but not as good. This feels like a long, drawn out, interlude.

No Love Allowed: Rihanna goes back to the islands for this one. It’s a simple reggae beat and there isn’t much to the song, but I like it. It feels like a follow up to “Man Down” It’s not as good, but I like it.

Lost in Paradise: This song grew on me. It feels like stadium music. Like I could see Coldplay playing this at the O2 arena for the masses. Maybe Rihanna picked up some pointers while recording “Princess of China”

Half of Me: I love this song. Once again the production is stripped down and you can focus on her voice and the lyrics. Basically she’s talking about how we only see half of her story. Oddly enough this is one of the most relatable songs on here. I just like how in this introspective song she finds a way to say “I’m the type to not give a fuck” hahaha Oh Rihanna, behave!


Overall I’d have to give this a C-. It’s not only due to the fact that I really don’t like slow music, (I LOVED Rated R) but also the fact that nothing on here really feels special. Then again, someone who puts out 7 albums in 7 years is probably used to feeding us filler. I’m just not used to seeing THIS much filler on an album. Thankfully, she will probably be recording a follow up while she’s on promo for this. I know people were saying that this 7th album would be lucky and give Rihanna her first number one CD, but at this point I think people will be more apt to buy a Kelly Clarkson Greatest Hits or even Nicki Minaj’s reissue over this.

Let me end this positively. The cover is really cool. The artwork on the inside looks like Rihanna's stoner friends on instagram made her a collage, but it's cohesive. Furthermore, I am less and less disappointed with each listen. So maybe I won't be looking for that apology come February 2013. We'll just have to wait and see!

Album Review: Christina Aguilera- "Lotus"

When RIhanna was still in Barbados and free of tattoos, Christina Aguilera was showing America what being fresh out of fucks to give looked like. I’m talking about her “Stripped” Era. This is when she stopped being lumped together with all the other pop princesses of the time (Britney, Jessica Simpson, Mandy Moore) and really came into her own as a pussy popping, leather chap wearing diva. She followed that up with “Back to Basics” four years later which somehow got radio play. I’m not saying that album was bad, it was just so different than anything else on the radio. She another four year hiatus and put out Bionic. Things in the music world changed greatly in that time. Britney was now back in the game and somewhat lucid. The world was introduced to Lady Gaga and people’s tastes and attention spans had changed. This time around Xtina wasn’t so lucky. People accused her of biting Gaga’s style and the album flopped. Truthfully it wasn’t a bad album at all, but she stopped promoting it and kind of ran away with her tail tucked betwixt her curvy thighs.

Ok, so two years have gone by and Xtina is on TV with The Voice and was part of “Moves Like Jagger” which was a smash. Sounds like a great time to put an album out and reclaim your position as a pop diva! A few months back her single for “Your Body” leaked. It instantly had people talking as the chorus included the F bomb. I didn’t like it, but by the time I heard the mastered song I was hooked. I was really excited for her to return to musical relevance. Max Martin is a Swedish genius who was behind the catchiest song of all time, Since U Been Gone. It seemed like Xtina was ready to break the top 10 again. Sadly no one else seemed to be on board like me and it didn’t break the top 10.

The rest of the CD has a bunch of different sounds. Oddly enough it still feels a bit more cohesive than Bionic. It’s a step in the right direction, but at this point in the game she needs to be leaping and not stepping. There aren’t many tracks that standout as surefire smashes to me so I’m curious to see what she picks for singles. This CD will be a tough sell as I don’t think Xtina really has her own lane. Britney gives us dance/pop music. Brandy went back to her R&B roots and is finding success there. Xtina has always liked to dabble in different genres and try new things, which is admirable, but can also be confusing. Who is her demographic?

To end this on a positive note, I will say that I actually like the album. I have missed all of the melismas and powerhouse vocals that Xtina brings. Here’s a breakdown track by track:





Lotus Intro: Has an interesting start and the track sounds like it’s building up to be something epic. Then it stops before we get to that point. The song feels like Xtina is basically telling us that she is sick of being seen as some has been and is ready for some serious rebirth. Sounds like SOMEONE has been paying attention at yoga class! She sounds surprisingly restrained in the vocal delivery.

Army of Me: This promises to be an anthem in the same vein as “Fighter” The chorus seems like it’d be fun to sing along drunkenly. It’s kind of dance-y but it doesn’t go far enough in my opinion. I think a good remix could really take this song to the next level.

Red Hot Kind of Love: Upbeat song, but the production is a bit too cluttered for my liking. There is so much going on that I kind of don’t know where to focus. The vibe makes me think of a jam band having fun in someone’s garage.

Make the World Move: This also has a jam band feel to it. This features Cee Lo. It’s decent, but for two talented musicians it is kind of overwhelming. I really hope Cee Lo brings out his white cat for the video.

Your Body: Ok so this song what I needed from Xtina. It has her in the same pocket where she was for “Moves Like Jagger” and I really don’t mind that at all. This is a great pop record that sticks with you. The chorus is fun to belt out, but beware; I think I have done permanent damage to my vocal chords. So worth it.

Let There Be Love: This song is backed by a throbbing beat and is a fun dance song. It’s probably the first track on here that is truly a dance song. Army of Me kinda pussyfoots in fist pump territory, but this song actually just goes all the way. Once again Max Martin does it for me.

Sing for Me: Xtina slows it down and gets really introspective with her lyrics. It allows her to not only gush about how much she loves singing, but allows her to belt and showcase her pipes through a bunch of runs and melismas.

Blank Page: The production here is quite stripped. It’s just Xtina and a piano. She sounds good here. Another nice song by Sia, who apparently is having the best year ever.

Cease Fire: I don’t know what it is about this track, but it sounds so BIG and dramatic that I can’t help but love it. It goes along with that whole notion that love is a battlefield.

Around the World: It’s pretty much Xtina talking about getting freaky all over the world. At times she has a bit of an island feel to her delivery.

Circles: This song has Xtina telling folks to sit on her middle finger and spin in circles. DEEP. Once again she is giving me some RIhanna vibes with her delivery. For me, the chorus is such a disconnect from the rest of the song that it kinda just messes it up.

Best of Me: Total empowerment song. Her vocals soar over a track that starts out really sparse and then builds to a big, dramatic end.

Just a Fool: Blake Shelton is on this song and surprisingly enough, I love the country vibe of it. The two sound great together Blake proves that he is able to keep up with Xtina’s powerhouse vocals.

Light Up the Sky: Decent song with a pretty chorus and an uplifting message.

Empty Words: I actually really like the lyrics in this song.

Shut Up: Dirrty Xtina is back and as foul mouthed as ever! “Shut up, just the fuck up” is pretty much the chorus of the song. Well the bleep out the “Fuck” but we all know what she is saying. And as a tribute to the late, great Whitney Houston, Xtina even says “Kiss my Ass!” I can’t decide whether bleeping out most of the expletives is genius or annoying.

Your Body Remix: No. Why mess with a great pop gem only to do some tired ass remix?

New Video: Ciara "Got Me Good"

Ok, so Ciara is back to making music. After selling 37k in the first week for her last effort, she is starting to get the fact that this is do or die. Three back to back flops? Unheard of. I don't know who she is dating or if she has dirt on L.A. Reid, but this girl has been given a lot more chances than most. Her first single was "Sorry" for which I actually like the song and video. This next single (or single 1b if you ask her hardcore Stans) "Got Me Good" returns Ciara to music to which she can dance and twerk around. Afterall, isn't that why we all fell for her the first go round? It wasn't her voice. And lord knows she had to grow into her looks...

Anyway, this song has a retro vibe to it. I think people were assuming she would go the full female Usher route and get us all fist pumping and twirling our glow sticks, but she went left. If that was a good decisions remains to be seen.

The video is BEAUTIFULLY shot in the desert. Ciara looks great in the white outfit. SHe is dancing throughout and dancing HARD. I really enjoy watching her dance. Say what you want to about her singing/acting/ and everything else, but the boy can dance! The choreo has a ton of footwork and looks even cooler against a desert backdrop. It reminds me of her "Work" video and her video with Missy for "Lose Control" I doubt this song will really impact pop or even R&B radio, but I sure hope it does. I think Ciara is talented and I just want to see her be successful in her own lane. Peep the clip:

Pop Culture Politics

Is it bad that I really just can’t get into politics? The lies and broken promises alone is enough to sour anyone on the whole thing. We are in an election year in this great country so politics are EVERYWHERE and thanks to the internet, I get to see everyone’s stupid opinion. I haven’t been able to watch a Presidential debate yet, but felt like I have thanks to Twitter and Facebook. I did catch the VP debate and was bored. It was a lot of finger pointing and stunts. I have come to the conclusion that debates are dumb. They don’t swing any voters to the other side. All they are is a pep rally for your candidate. I highly doubt any Romney supporter was all “That Barack has something about him! I say let’s give him 4 more years! He debated his ASS off tonight!” Obama supporters were too busy making Memes about Binders of women (which for the record, I don’t think is that shocking or interesting.) to even hear what Mittens had to say.

I don’t like to bitch and moan about things without providing a solution. So what’s my solution? WELL, I love pop culture and so does everyone else (that’s why it’s popular culture, duh) so I suggest that we marry pop culture and politics! I’ll wait for your applause.

We want a strong, stand up president. I say we bring back American Gladiators and have those steroid pumped citizens put these men through the ringer. If you can take a pugil stick to the head like a man, then you shouldn’t be leading our troops to war.
After Bush, I think we can ALL agree that we want a president who is seen as a scholar. Let’s put the candidates on Jeopardy. You can talk about all the foreign policy you want, but does anyone REALLY know where Uzbekistan is?

Getting along with members of different parties is inevitable if a president wants to get anything done during his time in office. I propose setting up a Real World scenario to see how these guys act when people stop being polite (or political) and start getting REAL. I do fear that Joe Biden might turn it into Bad Girls Club and Ryan would end up leaving after being tormented. I could be wrong. Probably not.

I love Undercover Boss. It really let’s people up top know how the people down below are living. I find it hard to make it through a show without tearing up. Then again I get emotional during Mary J videos, so that’s maybe not the best measure. Anyway, if these guys are planning on running this country, they need to see how most people live. I hear stories of poor families and downtrodden cities that these men have overcome, but I want to see them in action. Give them a job with a pay rate that reflects the norm. How do they eat? How do they pay rent. Can they still summer in Turks and Caicos? Oh, and give them some student loans, cause those bitches aren’t a joke. I feel like Undercover Boss might end up turning into Survivor. I feel like Obama might have a slight edge on this one, but I dunno.


I think a photo says a lot. We want a president that is easy on the eyes, no? America wants to be seen as the sexy bitch of a country that she is, so we need a president that conveys that message. I think we should call in Tyra and her gang to put the boys through an ANTM bootcamp. She could teach them how to take better photos and how to give different smizes. Like the “Stop your nuclear programme or we WILL attack” smize or the “Hey China, we’re gonna need some more time on those loans” smize.

People are loving shows like X Factor and The Voice. I really don’t think Xtina or Britney need to be giving candidates advice, but I think it’d be fun to bring back Bill Clinton, a Bush and Jimmy Carter. They’ve been there. They know the real deal. You can bullshit a bullshitter. It wouldn’t have to be party specific for coaches. Like one week Bill could show Mitt how to get Black people (other than Stacy Dash) to like him. Maybe teach him some sax. Maybe Carter and Bush could teach Obama how to be more American. They could dress him in cowboy boots and take him shooting. The growth from both men would be great and would make for excellent television.

OK I know none of his will ever happen and if it does I want FULL credit for it. At this point I would settle for a debate mediated by one Niecy Nash. She is a sassy black woman who will not hesitate to call a person out on the foolishness. That is a debate I would take work off to watch. Hell if we could get Niecy in the cabinet somehow and make that reality show I’d be on board with that too.

People love their pop culture. We watch new music videos when they come out and quickly pass on memes that usually aren’t funny. We need to find a way to ensure that some passion is put towards politics. Yes, they aren’t outwardly that exciting but they impact all of us. It’s crazy to see how many people are content to just lie there and take it like some sad prison bitch. I’m not super political at all, but I take pride in doing my part and voting. I had so many people fight for my right to do so, it seems ridiculous not to. And no, it’s not because I’m black. Even White Americans can take it back to our struggle to separate from England so our voices could be heard. I have never voted for any Idol, X Factor etc, but I damn sure plan on voting this year. God Bless America!!! (And no place else)

LHH: ATL Reunion Part 2

So last night was the second part of the reunion of the show that I somehow fell in love with. My thoughts as I watched the reunion:

Mona Scott- Young, that was a horrible ass cliff hanger! “Stevie, are you and Joseline together?” was how she left part one of the reunion, and then we saw a clip of JOSELINE saying “I am only using him for his sex and his money” Anyone with half a brain knew the answer to that. You don’t date men like JOseline, you skeet skeet skeet and keep it moving. The love triangle segment continues on and they get into the therapy session. Mimi seems REAL bitter (shock) and Steebie looks really sketchy and Chester T. Molestor. Steebie comes for Mimi, making it seem like she was only there for his money. Anyone that has seen his leaked pictures on the internet knows the REAL reason why these heiffas are trying to “ride on his bus” Am I the only one who is thinking that Steebie’s bus is of the short variety?

Mona gets all deep and puts together the fact that all three in the love triangle have Mommy issues. We get to see Joseline talking to her mom and stepdad. Her mom needed subtitles too! Like mother, like daughter! Well, I guess it’s different because her mom is speaking Spanish. We see Joseline break down. Even Funky Dineva is doing the Oprah lean in to show that he is truly going through it. OOp! The nice moment ends quickly as Joseline tells Mimi that she needs to get off Steebie’s case and that it’s not her fault that Mimi isn’t a supastah like her. Mimi ain’t wit it. We then see a montage of Steebie wiping sweat off Joseline’s nose. I never really noticed that, but it’s kinda weird. I’m over these people and glad they moved onto the next f’ed up relationship.

I’m glad to see Scrappy, Erica and her soup coolers and Shay’s busted hair situation hit the stage. I could honestly listen to Scrappy talk all damn day. He speaks so slowly that it just kind of makes me want to curl up and take a nap. Oop! I got distracted for a minute by facebook and the next thing I hear is “is that your bitch? Does she not know her place?” Erica is NOT the one! Shay then says “fuck you and your bun” but I don’t think making fun of Erica’s hair is appropriate when her wig is busted. I do think it has a purpose, as her ghetto little mermaid meets Farrah Fawcett do would not be good for fighting on stage. She needed something light and off her neck. PLUS you have to get hella close to snatch that wig. She may look a damn donkey, but at least she is ready to fight. Ohh, I was right, cause Shay just got cut off by Erica and does NOT like it. Mona has to tell her to keep her shoes on and her butt on the seat.

Momma Dee comes out and they show a montage of all of her fuckery. I fell in love with this woman all over again. Hold up, did this heiffa just give her son a plastic ass crown after giving a heartfelt speech? Is that normal? Probably not. Do I love her more? Yup. Scrappy starts dropping the friend card a LOT with Shay and she is NOT pleased. “The things that are in my name need to be in her name” Ohhh, is it like that Shay? She storms off the stage and said that Scrappy promised he wouldn’t do her like that. She stands up and we get to see her dress and things go from sad to DREADFUL. The hell? She needs better homosexuals in her life.
Best marriage proposal: If it don’t work, it’s cool, but iz you gonna marry a N*gga?
Erica: Yes!!
Ian: That’s love! That’s love! Black love! (I stole that from Whitney Houston on Being Bobby brown)

Karlie discusses how it is hard to be in love while having a career. She has a career? She brings Benzino a stupid shirt that no one laughed over. It was really awkward and dumb. Rasheeda talks about choosing love and K Michelle puts aside her hate to salute Rasheeda and Kirk for the love that they have.

The show wraps up with a saccharine sweet ending highlighting Scrappy and Erica’s love. Momma Dee even gets in on it and gives Erica her approval. I must say that I am going to miss this show. I really didn’t know who these people were. I had heard of Scrappy and K. Michelle (from R. Kelly’s last CD) but was unsure of why I should give a damn about anyone else. Sure enough, they all wiggled their way into my cold heart. This season definitely trumps NY. How am I supposed to fill this void in my life for all things ratchet?

Things I will miss:

K. Michelle’s one liners

K. Michelle’s numerous hair changes every episode

Momma Dee when she’s off her meds

Joseline speaking

Hearing Scrappy say “PAWS”

Thinking of new ways to express just how laid Rasheeda’s hair is

The pussy pat dance for “Marry Me”

Joseline-isms (ie… Steebie, he fucked my brain! Or Steebie gonna send me back to da strip club!”)


You should have seen this already, but this still makes me laugh:

LHH: ATL Reunion Part 1

OK, so I rushed home from a 1a-11:30a shift to see this reunion as I KNEW some thangs were going to go down. This season had so much drama and they’ve all had time to watch the show and act up on Twitter, so I knew the show was going to be hot. Mona starts out on the defensive. She knows the show is ratchet as hell and portrays Black women as quick to flip hoodrats. She defends herself by saying it was never her intent for the show to be a reflection of Black women. I suppose, but it just seems a bit skewed when most Black women on reality TV are more Tami Roman than Claire Huxtable. I’m just saying… Before I go on let me just remind my non black readers that not all black people are angry, loud and willing to fight. Fortunately, the cast of Love and Hip Hop; Atlanta is and that makes for awesome television.

Cue K. Michelle popping off on Karlie 2 minutes into the show. (yay for keeping it positive, Mona and co!) Apparently Karlie said that she was the same age as K and K Michelle said that she marched with Martin Luther King. HAHA. Really? K Michelle lays into Karlie for another two minutes and Karlie just sits there with her “Beat It” tribute dress on. MJ was smiling down from Heaven. Well, if he liked hoodrat shit.

A viewer asks about plastic surgery. Karlie, Joseline and K Michelle had breasts done. Duh. The news of the night came in the bomb that Joseline was born a woman? Mona saw her get naked to take a pregnancy test. Umm is that normal?

They get into Karli running her damned mouth too much and the soundbites are great! Basically we get to re-live all the foolishness and fuckery that was tied to this chick. We also found out that she has a daughter but won’t tell her age. My guess? 28. Funky Dineva shows his wonderful face and asks her about not being signed to Cash Money. Turns out that she wasn’t under cash money management. Like why like about that on television when people can EASILY check facts? Bitch ain’t even got a Wikipedia! (copyright K. Michelle)

K. Michelle tries to come for Rasheeda and her perfectly laid Pocahontas hair. BIG mistake. The Boss showed up and sat the HELL up in her chair. Her hair is obedient as hell and didn’t MOVE. Then K Michelle tries to talk about the bags under Rasheeda’s eyes! Girl almost got another domestic disturbance case just like that. Girl was QUICK!

Next, we get to watch Lil Scrappy put his paws on Steebie. Apparently Mona edited it down to cut back on the violence on the network (side eye) and sat down the two couples involved to delve deeper into the situation.
Mona: so tell us more about what happened
Lil Scrappy: I put my paws on him!
Ian: *dead*

Then they start calling each other bitch this bitch that and a fight almost erupts until MOMMA DEE says “Y’all need to END THIS CONVERSATION!” There were two members of team zest there who were obviously whipped into a tizzy. Steebie is now saying that no paws were laid on him and Scrappy almost takes his belt off (no homo?) in order to show that he will whoop dat ass again.
Finally Momma Dee comes up. Basically she didn’t want it to end in violence (bullshit) but she is the queen and her son is the prince and she can’t have people just coming up in the castle disrespecting her throne. Don’t they typically medicated people who talk like this?!

Next up we touch up the love triangle (well a quadrangle if you include Ariane, who seems to happy to be the fourth) We see a bunch of footage of Mimi getting disrespected and all I can think of is Monica’s “Sideline Ho” Like she got played on national television. Repeatedly. Joseline tells us that she’s not here for marriage: she’s here for dick and money. Just when I think this chick can’t get any deeper… Ariane, checks Steebie in her outfit that I’m sure is a tribute to Judy Jetson. Joseline is asked by Mona if she has any tips for Mimi to handle Steebie. Mona, quit being disrespectful!

***Joseline quote: I’m a woman of god and fuck y’all who don’t believe it!*****

I personally am still trying to process all the foolishness that I just watched. It was extra! I think next week will be great. I am really glad they gave us a preview so I could be ready for that offensive ass hair Shay (That’s Buckeey to most of us) is trying to pull off. It’s like a tribute to turbans and frozen yogurt. I am excited to see next week. Maybe K Michelle will have a wig change or 6! I’m sure Joseline will talk about her love of money, dick and Jesus and I cannot wait!

R.I.P Aaliyah: 11 Years Later

So today marks the 11th year since Aaliyah died. Crazy to think that a decade plus has passed since that day.I remember when Princess Diana died and my mum cried. I didn't understand how she could cry for a person that she had never met. I gained that understanding on August 25, 2001. I remember that day so vividly and watching in horror as the news anchors on CNN announced her plane crashing. This was way before Twitter deaths and other internet BS, so there was no use in me rushing home to check sources. I felt a sadness wash over me and I literally shed tears for a person whom I had never met.

So with the whole news that Drake was going to produce a posthumous CD for her I began thinking about her even more than usual. What would her place be in today’s music scene? We are in a time when people from her era are struggling to remain relevant (Oh hey Brandy and Monica) and people aren’t buying R&B music anymore. Would she like so many be forced to change her sound in favour of a more electo dance vibe (That one was for YOU Usher!)? Would Aaliyah even like Drake and his take on what SHE should sound like?

I have to stop asking so many questions, as it’s pointless. The world will never know. All these questions and Aaliyah could very well have decided to go into movies full time or just give it all up to have some babies. Instead of trying to figure out what could have been, I guess I should just focus on her legacy. Sadly any ethnic girl who sometimes dances and has longish hair (*cough* Sabi) still get pegged as cheap imitators. Now you KNOW you are bad, when you’ve been gone for 11 years and STILL have people talking about your signature Sexy Tom Boy style. Her music is still relevant and referenced in a time when people are ADD and get over people in a month’s time. I was in Chicago a few weekends ago and her song “Are you That Somebody” came on. EVERYONE and their mother was going hard. I may or may NOT have been leading a revival of the choreography, but that is neither here nor there. My point is that for a life and career to have been cut so short, it speaks volumes that she is still being talked about. I hope people are as thankful for her life as I am. Without Aaliyah we very well might not have Beyonce as we know her. Of course Bey would be singing, but would she be the face of L’Oreal and making movies? Would Rihanna be able to rock baggy pants, Jordans and a snapback and STILL get called sexy instead of a straight up lesbian? See where I’m going with this? The woman made her mark and forever changed the face of R&B (and pop to a certain degree) music. On this anniversary of the day she was called to heaven, let’s pay some homage to a girl that was truly one in a million.

Love and Hip Hop: ATL Style

So I put off watching Love and Hip Hop: Atlanta. I saw who they were casting and this overwhelming feeling of “who the F is that?” washed over me. Plus I had heard that Khia was in talks to be cast on it. Shoot, if Khia was on this show, I’d be watching this show in a heartbeat! I went ahead and watched it anyway, as I heard that it was ratchet as hell. Since Basketball Wives is on break, I need some hood shit to tide me over.
I guess I should have remembered that when I started watching Love and Hip Hop, I initially was clueless to the identity of like 80% of the cast. Olivia was the one who stood out, as I remembered her 2.5 hits. I grew to love those women and their stories, so I guess letting in these ATLiens into my heart shouldn’t be that much of a stretch

Mimi & Stevie J: Stevie J is a name that I heard before. I’m not sure how, but apparently he has been Mariah adjacent, so he is good in my book. His wife Mimi is the polar opposite to Chrissy. She puts up with his trifling ass ways and seems to let him get away with a smile. The ninja bought her a house in the country for her and their daughter. He went out of his way to make it known that it was for them and not him. That screams: I’m shipping your ass away so I can bang bang bang and then skeet skeet skeet.

Erica: she is REAL southern in the way she speaks. She apparently is Lil’ Scrappy’s baby’s mother. Her cheated on her when he blew up and she took his ass back when the other chick cheated on him. She has a really nice smile, but I think this broad is silly as hell for putting up with Lil Scrappy

Lil Scrappy: I still can’t put my finger on any of the songs he has been on. Maybe he’s big in the trap?

K. Michelle: We meet her and she is screaming a song. She lets us know that she likes to rock out with her cock out. She is giving me a whole LOT of Keyshia Cole fever. I actually think he voice is a bit more controlled and refined compared to Keyshia. Apparently she was dating some guy at her label, Jive and he beat her and jacked up her career.

Ariane: Mimi’s girl. I like her. She is trying to knock some sense into her girl’s silly ass. At one point she asks if it’s the dick that keeps Mimi around. Haha. Klass Act.

Joseline: I’ll be honest, when I saw the promo pictures I really thought this girl was transgendered. She kind of reminds me of Eddie Murphy’s ex, Nicole. She does her interviews in this swimsuit type thing and all I Can look can look at are her massive village feeders. She really looks like a busted ass RIhanna and it’s clear that Stevie J and her have something from the jump. Then she goes on talking about the sex and how he “fucks her brain” Umm, girl ok?

Mama Dee: NYC cast had Mama Jones, this cast has Mama Dee. She seems a bit more composed, but she quickly shows her ass. She has her own catch phrase, IN THAT ORDER!! She says it often, even when it doesn’t make any damned sense. I guess branding is important. Apparently she was a pimp. No, like she literally was pimping. The hell?

The characters of course all run in the same circle and end up at K Michelle’s party where one of the guests lets Mimi know that Joseline holds her man Stevie J DOWN! Oop! Mimi is about to pop off, but then she just sits there like a silly ho. There is more screaming, yelling and drank throwing.

Question: Why would Stevie J allow his affair to be shown on camera like that? Doesn’t that look horrible professionally? Also I don’t think Mariah would endorse such foolery. Oh and beyond that, he has a child, that is not growing up in a bubble and is sure to catch wind of her fucked up family life being discussed all over the internet. That is messed up. With that being said, I will probably watch as I saw a preview for the season where someone shakes the table. K Michelle says something like “don’t shake unless you ready to get shook!” There is a pregnancy scare and the guys start scapping. I feel bad watching this train wreck, but at least I’m not selling drugs. It could be worse. Leave me alone.

Album Review: Usher-Looking For Myself

So Usher’s “Looking for Myself” officially dropped today. The title is interesting given the fact that so many artists, especially R&B singers, seem to be looking for themselves. People aren’t buying CDs in America anymore and a more pop/dance sound sells like hotcakes overseas. So do you pay your bills and make music for the masses, or do you stay “true” to R&B and maybe have to work a few swing shifts at Wendy’s to make ends meet? Decisions, decisions. It appears that Usher is pulling a Nicki Minaj and attempting to give all of his fans something.

For the Glowstick Set:

Can’t Stop Won’t Stop- This song actually samples “Uptown Girl” I think will.i.am produced it. It sounds kind of like a rehash of “OMG” but in a good way, if that even makes sense.

Scream- The second single which is hella upbeat and dancefloor friendly. I love the energy of this song. It wasn’t until about my 20th listen that I actually listened to the lyrics and realized just how sexual it is. Needless to say I loved it even more. “Realx and get on your back, if you wanna scream” GENIUS.

Climax: I loved this song from the get go. I love Diplo’s production on it. I think it is the perfect balance between electro pop and R&B. Usher’s vocals and falsetto bring a soul to the song that can easily be lost in electro music.

Numb: I feel like he attacks the beginning of this song with the same energy and intensity as “Without You” In fact this song sounds like it could be a part 2. A lesser part 2.

Euphoria: this is getting back into the dance vibe. It almost reminds me of a less inspired “Where Are You Now” I really enjoy this track


Skeet Music:

I Care: Usher slows it down a bit over a bumping and grinding beat that has been updated for 2012. It’s pretty sexual.

Show me: The beat to this song is really light and breezy, but I’m not really that into it. It’s not bad, it just is. The song kind of reminds me of Chris Brown’s “Forever” Plus, I think “show me what you came here for” just doesn’t sit right with me grammatically.

Lemme See: This song features Rick Ross and has a sexy ass vibe to it. He busts out the falsetto in an attempt to get some panties to drop. “hollering bout what you gonna do to me/ don’t talk about it, be about it/lemme see lemme see” 2 things: 1.) I’m sick of hearing the MAYBACH MUSIC in every Rick Ross Song 2.) Did Rick Ross just say that a chick looked like Trayvon Martin in her hoodie? The hell?

Twisted: This song features Pharrell, who I LOVE. The beat is really different and totally Skateboard P, yet sounds like a total throwback to a 70s vibe. I could see Pam Grier shooting at some jive turkeys while this played in the backround.

Dive: Rico Love penned track that has minimal production but allows Usher’s voice to really shine and soar. “The walls are looking like the might precipitate” Once again, after a few listens I think this song is super sexual and he’s talking about vagina.

What Happened To U: This song just has Usher patting himself on his pat and I’m not really here for all that.

Looking for Myself: The title track. Surprisingly it is boring as hell. I don’t really care for the song at all.

Lessons for the Lovers: Bump and grind music. Not really my thing, but a decent R&B track nonetheless. I guess if I had someone to bump and/or grind I’d have a different appreciation for it.

Sins of My Father: I like the groove of the track and Usher’s delivery has such a rich and old feel to it that it just resonates with me.

IFU- this track has a lot going on. I think it’s in a good way. It’s sexy and has hands claps. It’s a decent song.

Say the Words: I don’t really like this song. It sounds like a bonus track (NOT in a good way)

2nd Round: Eh. IT’s ok, nothing to write about. SO I’m going to stop writing about it. Now. There. I am done.

Hot Thing: Doing too much, yet does NOTHING at all. Ok, that’s how I felt the first two listens, but now I feel like I’d shake my hindquarters to this in a club.

Overall this is a pretty solid album. Yes, it has it’s share of fillers. It’s not a classic, but it is a decent album. I think Usher will please his core fans while broadening his appeal with some songs outside of his usual genre. I have seen the blogs and the comments with people wanting “the old Usher” back, but come on people! If he were to put out an album in the same vein as “Confessions” people would say that he isn’t trying new things, or that he sounds played out. The man is trying new things. Some of them work, some of them don’t. I think it should be applauded when musicians take risks and experiment with their sound. (granted I don’t think going the Guetta route is that risky, but whatever) Usher’s voice is on point in this project and I’m sure he will perform his ass off to make the songs come alive in the video. I’m excited what’s to come from this album.

That's Gay

So today started out like most any other day. I woke up, cursed the fact that I was up so early for no apparent reason and then went in to work later on in the day. Nothing remarkable really happened until...wait for it... I GOT HATE CRIMED!!! "Oh Ian, quit being dramatic" is probably what an insensitive fuck would say, but I'm assuming that no one who reads my blog (all 3 of you) is a fuck. Let me set the scene:

It's a somewhat busy Saturday in a kids section of one of the nation's largest clothing retailers. Ian is putting out some merchandise and trying to work on some Rihanna choreography in his head at the same time. A lady who looks like the stereotypical suburban house mom approaches Ian.

SHM Hi are you busy?

Ian: Hi, what's up?

SHM: *holds up some shorts* are these too gay for a 13 y/o boy?

Ian: *thinking he misunderstood what she says and gives her the benefit of the doubt* Personally, I don't love those shorts. I am a solid or more of a plaid guy, but that's just my preference

SHM: Oh, true. Yeah, they are kind of gay

Ian: *at this point is sure what he heard was right the first time, now begins to bite his lip before he says something to get him fired* Oh. Umm, well yeah, like I said, they aren't everyone's taste...

SHM: I mean, no offense, but you know... They're pretty gay

Ian: *is praying that his lip isn't permanently bruised from the intense biting, talks into his walkie talkie and excuses himself*




SO yeah, that's how it went down. I was annoyed for a few reasons:
1.) Just days after people were dancing in the streets because our President said that he felt gays should be able to marry, I am hearing people say this. Funny enough I was just discussing hours beforehand how I thought it interesting that people were getting worked into this tizzy over such a simple statement that doesn't fundamentally change much. I compared it to a baby step in the right direction, actually. If people still are talking like this, I'm going to need more leaps and less baby steps. Seriously, first GCB gets cancelled and now this!? What a rollercoaster week for team zest!


2.) I was so shocked and taken off guard that I didn't say anything. I'm no fighter. I'm a lover. Ok, that's a lie. I don't throw punches, but I pride myself with my use of words. I am rarely at a loss for words. Today I simply froze up and was taken over by a feeling of "is this broad serious!?" This leads me to my third point:

3.) I have been thinking of things to say and do since it happened. I could have spoken with a lisp and snapped my fingers while calling her "GURL" I could have been like "those shorts aren't really gay, but you know what is? BUTTSEX!" I just keep on thinking "Ian, you are funnier than that" Like maybe I not going to change her mind, as she CLEARLY knew the term was offensive, but I should have at least made her squirm for my enjoyment.



Anyway, well I guess once again, writing has made me feel better. Hopefully if and when this happens in the future I'll be ready to throw more shade than an oak tree and to read a bitch like the hunger games.

New Video: Where Have You Been

In other posts/open letters I've written Rihanna, I have often complained about her laziness. Yes she puts out an album every year and drops a new single every 6 weeks, but it just sometimes seems half assed. She started off her "Talk That Talk" era with "We Found Love" which is a huge dance song, but she didn't really dance in the video. Luckily it was an emotional take on young, crazy love, so I let that slide. "You Da One" was next and I freaking love the song. The video was forgettable and the song didn't perform well. They rushed to release the Jay Z assisted, "Talk That Talk" but that didn't work. I thought she'd given up promotion of the CD and moved onto her summer movie. I was wrong. Today she dropped the video for "Where Have You Been"

Before I go on, let's get one thing straight: Rihanna stopped giving a fuck years ago. Read her Twitter and you'll see that she is committed to the cause of not giving a fuck. Why did I bring this up? I like the word "fuck" and I say that to show that she doesn't really seemed concerned about pleasing the haters. Hell she doesn't even really seem to care too much about pleasing her fans. I don't know what inspired/motivated her to make such a bomb ass video, but I am perfectly ok with it. Finally she delivers a video that proves why she is deserving of all of that attention.

Some highlights:

I like the intro, where is is coming out of the water like some fierce swamp creature with scales over her titties.

At :47 I love that look. She looks so freaking exotic.

:52 she starts out in the first dance break that puts an island twist on the stanky leg. The choreo is sick and is full of intricate footwork.

1:30 she busts out a new lacefront. I like it because it makes me think of Whitney Houston. This begins the SECOND dance moment, which is her and all girls contorting on the floor. It kind of took me to Beyonce in "Run the World" but this has more stank on it.

1:54 Rihanna and her girls get off the floor and work it while standing. They do some arm movements and make what looks to be an eye that SHUTS. AWESOME.

3:08 starts the dance moment where Rihanna's dance is dedicated to her coochie. She frames it with her hands.

3:14 Ooop! It just got better, she does a move that I'm either calling "The Pussy Pat" or the "Coochie Clap"


3:30 This look has Rihanna looking like some queen of the forest or an Indian Goddess.


Rihanna goes back into the water, but this time we see that it is filled with her hot male dancers. I'm pretty sure it's safe to assume that she's gonna get it in.




So this video is pretty fucking amazing. She looks good AND she danced. See, girl, it wasn't that bad! Save beauty videos for ballads. But please don't put out ballads. It just never a good idea. I needed this after being let down by Nicki's "Starships" video. Thank you Rihanna.

Album Review: Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded

Nicki is dropping her follow up to her successful first album, "Pink Friday" with an album with an original title, "Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded" I think the title is kind of dumb, but whatever. Nicki has said she is pretty much at the point where she is able to do whatever she wants and people will eat it up. This is good, as it allows her to experiment and try things without feeling the need to please people. This album shows some growth, but it also shows her dabbling in a bit of everything and effectively seems like it's meant to please everyone. There is pop, R&B, and oh yeah, she raps too.

Roman Holiday: I didn't get or even like this song when she premiered it on the Grammy's. I think the performance was just too fucked up for me to focus. Now that I've listened to it, I get it. It's a great way to start out a CD, as has a frenzied pace and has a message of "Ok, I'm back to talk some SERIOUS shit"

Hood Shit:
Come on a Cone: This song has a hot beat. Nicki is talking some serious shit on this. She has a serious ODB vibe that people have come to want. I think the highlight of the song is her singing "Dick on your face" Like who says that?

I Am Your Leader: She pairs up with Cam'ron and Rick Ross. I didn't even know Cam was still putting out music, so I was shocked as hell. I actually like his verse a lot.

Beez in the Trap: this is for strippers and lovers of ratchet ass things.

Hov Lane: The beat reminds me of a throwback Lil Wayne/Hot Boys beat.

Roman Reloaded: "More knots than Eric from Basketball Wives" hahaha She is popping off on Rap Bitches. Again. *yawn* Little Wayne jumps on for some credibility.

Champion: How she got Nas to collaborate with her is beyond me. He is official and Nicki seems to realise this as this song is a bit more serious in the lyrical content. She sings the hook, probably to prepare us for things to come.

Right By My Side: She teams up with Chris Brown for an R&B joint. Told you she was prepping us for more singing... I like her verse at the end

Sex in the Lounge: nothing too notable about this song for me

Fist Pump Nation:
Starships: I really don't love this song. I feel like Miley Cyrus should have sung this. I am apparently in the minority, as this is one of her biggest songs. THis will be our first taste of Nicki's venture into fist pump nation.

Pound the Alarm: More club friendly music in the same vein ass Flo Rida.

Whip It: Nothing too special about it, but I like songs that have the sound of a whip in it. I'm a sucker for it, I guess.

Slow Jams:

Automatic: I feel like this could have been a Jennifer Lopez song to follow up "On the Floor"

Beautiful Sinner: Nicki singing over a club beat that builds up to a dramatic chorus.

Mariyln Monroe: I thought this was only a demo, but apparently it made the cut. This is us seeing Nicki being vulnerable.

Young Forever: The beat is cute, but the song is just ok to me.

Fire Burns: I think I would like this song more if Rihanna sang it.

Gun Shot: She teams up with Beenie man. I love when she busts out the island swagger. I really wish she would have went harder, but she is singing here. I would love to hear them trade verses, but I guess i'm asking too much.

Bonus Tracks:

Stupid Hoe: a ridiculous song that has Nicki *gasp* throwing jabs at a female MC *cough* Lil' Kim *cough*

Turn Me On: This was a huge song for Guetta and Nicki and I'm sure gave her the confidence to make a whole fist pump section to her album

Va Va Voom: Super Bass Part II. The same people that lost it over Super Bass will probably like this.




Overall I think this is a solid offering. There really is a lot of genre crossover going on throughout, which makes the album sound a bit schizo when you listen to it on shuffle. I think I need to come to terms with the fact that Nicki has been told she can sing and likes to sing a lot. I don't think it's horrible, but I really love it when she is rapping and dropping memorable verses. I was thinking that maybe she would shut people up who say that her most memorable verses are on other people's songs, but she really didn't do that here. Ahh well, still a solid album and I'm sure it'll be shoved down my throat for the next 2 years, so I had better get on board QUICK.

I'm not even going to talk about the album artwork...

New Music Video: Naked

So I have been about this song for about two months now. It's by Dev (she's the girl who got our attention on "Like A G6") and features Enrique. The song has a nice beat and vibe to it. It's nothing groundbreaking from what either or them have been putting out recently, but they do mesh quite nicely together. I must admit that I have this love/hate relationship with her when she says "It's the Cataracs!" Bitch, we know.

As for the video, I'm a fan. I was concerned when the first 30 seconds focused on her putting on Calvin Klein makeup. I really hate such blatant plugs. I would be lying if I said I liked her styling. She looks like an 80s porno Katy Perry. (not in a good way) She is one of those people who isn't necessarily striking to look at, but with the right styling could be decent. Dev, let me style you. Enrique looks great! His hair is laid. Dev made a smart decision to show him often (even when she's singing) I must say I'm a little upset at the lack of nudity in the video, but that's just me. Overall, it's well shot and i like how it has a Terry Richardson grit to it. The whole thing just makes me want to go to Vegas and stalk Enrique. Wait, what?

New Music: Every Time

So Amerie is back to making music. She hasn't really been able to find too much success and is often viewed as kind of a one hit wonder. Well, I guess she is ready to try to change that with her return to music. She has added an I to her name, but Ameriie just looks re damned diculous so I refuse to use it. This song sounds like classic Amerie, which is good and bad. It's good because she isn't trying to do what the next chick is doing and will probably please her true fans. It's bad because the song isn't very remarkable, much like classic Amerie tracks. I still am on the fence with her voice. I don't think I could sit through a whole album of it. It kind of annoys me after 10 minutes. Hopefully she sticks to short songs and squeezes out some more music before Beyonce gets off maternity leave.

New Music: Fuck Up the Fun

Ok so this is a new track by Azealia Banks. She has really been doing major things this year and I like her style. It's actually shaping up to be a good year for female rappers. For this track, she teamed up with my White Chocolate Boo, Diplo and the track bangs HARDER than a mofo. She spits her verses at a rapid fire pace and basically is talking a lot of shit. I'm not mad. Get into it

Open Letter: Kimberly "Lil Kim" Jones

I worked an overnight last night and I took a shower before going into work. This song was in my head and it stuck with me all night. I thought about how much I loved your verse in it and how to this day people remember it line for line. Then I thought that I haven't really heard memorable verses from you in a minute. You got so involved in changing your face (I'm going to leave that for another letter at another time) and shooting back at Nicki, that you lost sight of the music. The same way fans asked for "Old Nicki" I am wanting "Old Kim" I get that flows change and people do as well, but I still want a girl that spits with hunger and fire behind it. Don't rest of your classic lines, create new, even better classics.

I really do want you to win. Get to the studio and give the people what they want! I'm not asking for the pause, stop flow that everyone from Nicki to Big Sean are doing. I'm not asking you to grab your glowsticks and jump on the Guetta train. I'm asking you to do you. I have been listening to your CDs this past week and I'm finding songs that weren't singles that were doing some pretty different and innovative things. In "Can you Hear Me Now" you said:

My last album, some of y'all wasn't ready for it
Alright, I slow it up, put the brakes on for ya
I know what I'm doin, I ain't losin my mind
I'm just so advanced I'm ahead of my time
You all stuck at the back, I'm ahead of the line
Even in the dark, I'm still gon' shine
You'll see what I mean in 2009
I kick outer space raps - ILL RHYMES

You could not have called it any better. Sorry for that slap of reality. Maybe this awesome photo I peeped at Missjia.com will make you feel better! See, the whole time you were going after Nicki, when it looks like Drake is droppin down low and sweeping even more flo' than both of you heiffas!

Why I'm Single: I Work Retail Part 1

Everyone loves to ask me why I'm single, so I decided to look deep within and figure it the hell out! By this time next year I expect to be boo'ed up with someone and trying my hardest to make single people feel badly about themselves. Today's reason #3453453 is: I work retail. Sounds simple enough, but I'm sure a bunch of people out there either 1.) haven't worked retail or 2.) Don't see the connection. For these people, I will dig a little deeper...

So yeah, I work retail and have for most of my life. I have had a few stints at being a waiter, but it's pretty much been retail all the way. I do visual merchandising, which means I am expected to get most of my work done when the store is closed. Think magical elves dress mannequins, move product, paint walls, and execute windows? Then you are right!! Well if magical elves are 6'1" black men named Ian. In fact, I take that back, you aren't right. You are just dumb. Dumb as hell. Ok, so with my job description comes an ever changing schedule. I am a slave to workload. When visual type things need to get done, I am either working at 5am or overnight from 9p-6a. Beyond that, I am also working on the floor, which means I can have shifts during the hours when we are open. Pretty much I work whatever they tell me to work. So here are a few interactions that are possible

What's the point? It's hard to make plans. I don't have weekends off and I can never have set nights to do certain things (ie Taco Tuesdays or Thursday Bowling)

Potential Suitor: Hey wanna go out next week Wed?
Ian: Not sure..I don't know my schedule yet
PS: Oh ok, well I will go after this unfortunate fuck next to you because he knows he works 8-5 m-f

or

PS: Let's go away this weekend to Miami!
Ian: I work weekends, how about Tuesday and Wednesday?

or

PS: Hey, I know you are off at 8 tonight, want to do dinner and drinks?
Ian: true, but I have to be back at 5am tomorrow, so howabout you come over and just tuck me in?
PS: wanna hookup?
Ian: Probably not, I need to be up in a few hours and need my energy. We have windows that are going to be a bitch!!

PS: I would love for you to come home and meet my parents during Christmas
Ian: I think I have like 4 hours I can squeeze in. Can we do like a 5a-9a on Christmas morning? I have to be home and i bed so I can work at the crack of dawn the next day


So you can see how frustrating it has to be to try to date me. And keep in mind that's before you even have to deal with my antics and my diva ways. I don't blame people. I guess the logical thing to do would be to date someone else in retail, but that is like getting the stars to align or getting Rihanna to wear pants: it might happen, but it's not going to happen often. Another option would be to date someone without a job. TLC taught me well. I don't want no muthafuckin scrubs! I'm trying to retire early and be a man of leisure. How am I supposed to do that when homie doesn't have a job? HUH?! Plus I have dated someone without a job and it was annoying. He had too much free time and would text me every 12 minutes. On top of that, it made me angry being at work, when he was out and about doing nothing. I guess I was seeking some company in my misery.

Anyway, so now when you see a smart, funny, good looking guy who is single, stop before asking " why are you single!?" and instead think "Hmm, I wonder if he works retail?"

New Music: The Misunderstanding of Teyana Taylor

Teyana Taylor has a special place in my heart. I first grew to like her when I saw her on "My Super Sweet 16" on MTV. She was a cool chick and was more of a skateboard chick than a bratty princess. In the show we found out that she was signed to Pharell. It all seemed like she was poised to be the next Kelis. I mean, she had the raspy voice, the big curly hair and the attitude/style. On top of that, she rapped AND danced. This girl was clearly a threat.

But then she wasn't. She released a single "Google Me" and that was the last I really heard from her. I would randomly come across her Youtube videos with her dancing or covering other people's songs. Then I started hearing about her getting into fights over her friend, Chris Brown. The hell? THEN she started getting involved in Twitter wars. SHe was pulling a Ciara and getting attention for all the wrong reasons.

It all seemed to be turning around when she got featured on Kanye's "Christmas in Harlem" and "Dark Fantasy" People even started to say that she was about to be signed to G.O.O.D music. She started to get her shit together and got back to putting out music. She dropped a mixtape last week and I am freaking in love with it. It has so many references to Janet, Michael Jackson, and Lauryn HIll, but it's not like she is biting. Clearly she is a girl who grew up with good music. On this mixtape we are hearing her sing more than rap. She is even ballsy enough to sing the hook to Lauryn's "Doo Wop (That Thing)" and she does it well. This mixtape is perfect for spring, as it's fresh, breezy and keeps all things ratchet to a minimum. I like "Make Your Move" "DUI" and "Valentine"

Get it below:

http://www.rap-up.com/2012/03/11/new-music-teyana-taylor-the-misunderstanding-of-teyana-taylor-mixtape/


P.S. So Teyana got in trouble for fighting again. This time with a stripper named skrawberry. I. Just. Can't.

New Music: Wild Heart

This is the full video from Sabi. Basically she has been around on other people's songs (Brit's Drop Dead and the massive hit with Cobra Starship) but not ol' girl is ready to step out on her own. She is stunningly beautiful and seems to have a decent voice although she seems to be a huge fan of autotune. I love the dramatic nature of the song and the dubstep influenced track just kind of grinds all of her raw emotion all up in your face. This has found its way on my Breakups to Breakdown mix.

New Music Video: It All Belongs to Me

I remember when The Boy is Mine came out. It was a long time ago and I remember working in Kmart for a sidewalk sale and being amped because they let me play the radio while I worked outside. HOLLER! Anyway, that song came on like 234283423 times during my shift and I loved every moment. There was the nice play between saccharine sweet Brandy and Monica who always seemed to have a little more edge and sass to her. The video was cute and people ate it up. Believe it or not, that was 14 years ago. That shit cray!

Today the pair released their follow up collaboration. Despite people rumbling about them hating one another and diva attitudes, the two both seem to be cool with one another. I guess it's a cold cold world, when Beyonce comes along and snatches your wig... NO but seriously, think about it: they both were doing major things in the industry and then they both stumbled and never really recovered. Monica had sort of a comeback with her last album, but even that was kind of scary and felt like it was her last chance. Brandy is in that same boat now, where it's do or die. I guess they figured "let our powers combine!!!"

The result is nice. It's not "The Boy is Mine" but I am alright with that because I'd be pissed if they tried to mess with the same formula. They'd get a HARD "now you know you are too old for that bullshit!" side eye. This song was written by Rico Love (he wrote Kelly's "Motivation" Beyonce's "Sweet Dreams" and Keri Hilson's "Energy") and is basically about a girl who is taking all of her stuff back from her triflin man. It's kind of along the same line as "Irreplaceable" but kicked up a notch. The thing about this song is that is pissing people off is the fact that it doesn't HAVE to be a duet. The girls are just trading verses with minimal singing together. But that's kind of how "The Boy is Mine" is. I think it felt more duet like because of the whole story of two girls fighting over a boy that is set up in the intro.

Anyway, I like the song and they both KILLED the vocals. I seriously feel like people sleep on Brandy's voice. She's really gotten good at mastering it's low, rich quality. Monica has vocal runs for days and I'm ok with that. The video is actually pretty boring to me, but they both look awesome. Will this be the mega smash comeback single they both need? Probably not, but hey, they tried and it's not a train wreck. I give them an A for effort.

Get More: Monica, It All Belongs To Me, It All Belongs To Me, Free Music Videos

BHM Day 29:The Cocoa Council

Today is such a BIG day for me. I mean, it's the last day of BHM which means that I no longer have to write a post a day. My carpal tunnel will be excited about it. It's the beginning of ANTM: British Invasion which means that I am sure to find out new levels of fuckery courtesy of one Tyra Banks. Today is New Month's Eve, which is exciting because it leads to new beginnings and gives me a chance to get drunk and make out with randoms. On top of it all, it's also leap day. Not sure what happens on a leap day but everyone else is in a tiz, so I just jumped on the bandwagon.

Even though there is so much going on today, I had one more BHM spotlight post to write. I've been thinking all day "Who should wrap up the month?" I mean there are a lot of Black people out there and I could really go on about any one of them. Hell I could even have shined it on the guy who looked like he was about to jump me as I walked into work today, but I decided to keep it classy this BHM. Instead, I am turning the light onto myself and my best friend Max. Yes I can win my own award. It's my blog and I make the rules around this bitch. OKKK?

I picked us for a bunch of reasons:

1.) We have really owned the reverse Oreo pose in the above photo
2.) We are forever educating cocoa inhibited individuals on the virtues of our cocoa culture
3.) I wanted to make a point that BHM isn't just for the rich and famous. You can ball on a budget and still live the dream!
4.) We created the Oreo dance move. That was truly a game changer.


Beyond those reasons, it still is cool to me that Max and I have both broken so many stereotypes and overcome obstacles. We both graduated college. Max even went on for further schooling. (always trying to show me up) At least one of us (me) swims. Our rap sheets are clean (NOLA foolishness doesn't count right?) and we are both gainfully (girl I guess) employed. I know these things sound completely unremarkable but you have to keep in mind that the statistics can be bleak for Black men in this country. We have been fortunate enough to beat the odds and that should be applauded. Go on, I'll wait.. I've got all damned night. Clap! (hands optional)

In all seriousness, Max and I aren't that odd anymore. That's why it still shocks me when people are so shocked that I am so well spoken. LIke am I supposed to sound like a character out of "Roots" or "The Color Purple"? Get out of here before I beat you like Harpo! There are plenty of people out there just like Max and me. Thanks to the people who paved the way for us waay back when (I see you Frederick Douglass!) and people who continue to pave the way today (Whattup Obama?!) we are constantly redefining what it means to be black in America. Yes the Beyonces and the Diddies of the world are showing people different facets of Black people and black culture, but it's the Maxs and Ians of the world who you know. Y'all are NOT hanging out with Bey or Puff. Lesbi-honest here. I truly feel like it's the daily interactions that we have that help change the way people think. Did I stage a 1 million man march? Hell no! You know I hate marching. But I know I have proven that Black people can swim and that Black people can be excellent at science. I am still working on proving that I can be on time, but Egypt wasn't built in a day y'all...

BHM Bonus!

OK, so I didn't write any of this, but I read it on someone's wall today and thought it was funny as hell. Like it literally had me guffawing in my workplace. Get into it:



Dana Alexander
stolen from Brandy McMillen
LMAO! To celebrate the last day of Black History I bring you:

Please add these overlooked facts to your "firsts", while teaching your family, friends or students these important events during Black History month:

Dedrick "Slick" Lawrence - First person to wear a fur coat when it's not even cold outside.

Charles "Sweet Mac" Farnsley - First to call someone else a jive turkey.

TORNETTE PITTS: First to warp the time-space continuum by slapping
somebody into next week.

Sequoia Brimley - First person to go straight to church on Sunday after leaving the club earlier that morning.

LOUISE PERKINS: First person to attempt to climb into a casket at a funeral.

Rodney "Hot Rod" McKenzie - First to tell someone that they play too much.

THADDEUS COLLINS: First person to wear a shower cap outside.

CEEPHUS MCCOY: First to ask for change back from a church collection plate.

George Watley - First person to sneak an entire dinner into a movie theatre.

Amelia Wooten - First to start a soul train line at a wedding reception.

Edna B. Cash - First to refer to soap operas as "the stories."

MAVIS BLACKWELL: First to use the phrase "the illustrious" to describe her pastor (i.e. - "I am a member of 1st Corinthian Leather Baptist Church where the illustrious P.J. Jones is the Pastor").

Drew Graves - First to sell bootleg music and movies in barber shops and outside grocery stores.

TROY BOOKER: First to refer to a flavor of Kool-Aid as "red."

VIRGIL T. BANKS: First person to use the phrase "see, what had happened was..."

Johnston Green - First to refer to someone as "high yellow."

Precious Robinson - First person to keep her good jewelry in a Crown Royal bag.

Jamaica Masby - First to throw her hands in the air and wave them around as if she just didn't care.

Bennett "June Bug" McDaniel - Coined the phrase "My name is Bennett, and I ain't in it."

Jefferson Clarks - Normalized the practice of shaking up a handful of sunflower seeds before eating them.

UMAR X (birth name: Tyrone Griswold): First black male militant to marry a white woman.

Roland Jones - Perfected the "make four cuts on the side to keep the middle from bubbling up" method of frying bologna.

Jonathan "Lil' Johnny" Porter - First person to tell a woman he'd drink her bathwater.

EUGENE J. C. MILLSTON: First person to talk to the screen during a movie.

Marquita Parker - First person investigated by DCFS for burning her child's ears with a hotcomb.

TAWANDA DAVIS: First person to use hair gel to create baby hair all over her head.

WILL RICHARDS - First man to put something on his mama (i.e. - "TOUCH ME AGAIN AND WE GON' FIGHT, MAN, I PUT THAT ON MY MAMA!").

REV. W.J. SHANKLIN: Inventor of the church building fund.

Joseph Foster - First to inform people that you can't eat just anybody's potato salad.

Etta Lee Green - First person to call somebody else "worsome."

Rufus Wellsley - First man to shoot someone over a game of spades.

VERNON MCDANIELS: First person to eat a mayonaise sandwich.

Neeka "Nee" Hollsworth - First person to use the phrase "than a mug" to describe something (i.e. - "It is colder than a mug out here!").

Tyrone Clayburn - First person to refer to someone as a "play cousin."

Raynard Mack - First person to put a utility bill in a child's name.

JOHNNIE MAE WILKINS: First person to proclaim herself "too blessed to be stressed."

Georgia Buston - First person to attempt to heal a broken limb with
Robitussin and Witch Hazel.

WILLIE LAMBERT: First man to slap the taste out of somebody's mouth.

Trisha Jones: First person to have "been had" something (i.e. - "You just now getting that new Kenny Lattimore CD? Man, I been had that").

Jason Hill - First person to purchase $2 worth of gas at a gas station.

DELORES "BIG MAMA" COLE: First person to refer to diabetes as "that sugar."

ORVILLE WASHINGTON : First man to "wish a motherf**ker would...."

Buford Humphries - First man to walk into a salon and request that his hair be "fried, dyed, and laid to the side."

AMBROSE WILLOBY: First person to tell someone that they "don't know nothin' bout this"

Tenitra Hollbrook: First person to call somebody a player-hater.

Tamika Bunsen -First to begin a sentence with the phrase "me myself personally..."

SAMUEL HINKLEY, JR.: First person to take a picture in a Wicker Chair

Rorie McCauley. First person to tell somebody that she don’t have to do nothing but stay black and die
VONIQUE BATES: First person to successfully slap the black off of someone.

THALMA MARTIN: Cultivator of the "ni**a please" facial expression.

MAYBELL BROWN: First person to cover a piece of furniture in plastic for everyday use.

These Brothers and Sisters have been omitted from the history books. After having read this, you know why.

BHM Day 28: The Illuminati

Today I would like to take a quick moment to shout out the organisation behind Black America's success. Illuminati, please stand up! We all owe you a big muthafucking round of applause for the likes of Beyonce, Michael Jackson, Jay Z and basically anyone who is famous and has skin that isn't white.

If you are a complete moron, you wouldn't get that I was being sarcastic. I love a good conspiracy theory as much as the next guy but I'm tired of hearing of the Illuminati. It's gotten to the point now that when someone Black becomes famous, people start looking for ANY clue that they are tied to the group. Nobody was hollering Illuminati when Rihanna was begging he DJ to turn it up on "Pon de Replay" but as soon as she started making major waves, people were REAL quick to yell that she had signed up with the devil. Youtube is now cluttered with thousands of videos that dissect the videos, statements and even mannerisms of famous black people and then they break it down and tell why it's so Illuminati. People get a fucking life.

It irks me even more when black people are so quick to jump on the bandwagon. I think Illuminati is today's flavour of Haterade. ____ has more money/fame than me? Must be the devil's doing! Instead of hating, go out and get our own money/fame. I seriously would hope that after 27 days of me showing various black people (and a few whites for fun) that people would get the idea that Black people can be whatever they want. You want to play basketball? Go ahead. Be a singer? Sure! Hell, if you want to run the country, you can be president now. That is what BHM is all about to me, remembering all the endless possibilities and the people that helped make those possibilities endless.

SO the next time you hear someone talking that booty chatter about Illuminati, I urge you to give them a strong side "I hope you know the Easter Bunny ain't real either" side eye. In other news: if the Illuminati is real, please don't ruin my credit in retaliation. Thanks!

BHM Day 27: Oprah

So I woke up to this video today and I was instantly reminded of how awesome this woman is. She stopped her show last year but still continues to be HBIC.

Oprah somehow managed to work her way into the hearts and minds of America. She wasn't the prettiest, the thinnest or the most white washed, yet she got to a place where she would mention a product a million of women would run out and buy it. How did she do it? Hell if i knew I wouldn't be writing this blog I'd be on television giving away my favourite things and screaming celebrity names. Alas, I am not :( No, but seriously, I think the key to her success is being someone that everyone can relate to. Yes, she is rich as hell, but she doesn't come off as snotty. She still talks the same and never randomly picked up a British accent (Oh hey, Madonna!) We have all seen her battle her weight and that is something that people in the flat states can relate to.

I wasn't sure how she was going to fare post talk show, as the OWN network hasn't really taken off the way many anticipated. Building a network from the ground up is no easy undertaking. I still think that O is winning. She is able to do what she wants and how she wants to. If that's not the definition of a boss then you need to go ahead and tell me what is. Go on. I'll wait.... See, told you!

Oprah is incredible. Seeing someone who is fearless in her approach to life just is an inspiration to get up, get out and do something. Maybe I might get started writing that book! Hell, I could start filming that pilot for that show I've always wanted to do. Shoot, I may mess around and apply for grad school!! First I should probably put on pants. Oprah would put on pants, right? Anyway, this isn't about me, it's about Oprah. I feel like someone should knight her (or Dame her?) or give her a Nobel Prize. Until then I guess the BHM spotlight will have to do. Oh, and plus I ALMOST forgot about this gem of cunty dramacality that she blessed us with:

An Open Letter to Rihanna

Hey Ri!

It's me Ian. I haven't written you in awhile, but I've been busy and shit. You know how that goes! Ok K K?! Anyway, I'm going to get straight to the point. WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH YOU!? I have stood by your side through the good times and through your beatdowns. Hell, I was even there through the Sideshow Bob hair. How do you repay me!? By acting a damned donkey, that's how.

I remember when you were talking to Diane Sawyer about the Chris Brown "incident" and feeling sick to my stomach. I went through it for you. I bought (yes paid my US dollars for it) "Rated R" and even though people thought it was dark and moody, it really struck a chord with me. I think it's your best album to date. Then you lightened up and got LOUD. You seemed like you were ready to leave the drama behind and have fun again. That a girl! Shake off that negative and do something fun! You quickly put out 2424230 singles and had your sights set on the next project.

Now, we are in the Talk that Talk era and I guess sales aren't what you wanted. After the smash success of "WE Found Love" people were surprised that you didn't kill on the charts. "You Da One" apparently didn't do what it should have, which is weird since i LOVE that song, so you rushed to a Jay Z assisted track, "Talk That Talk" Even that song doesn't seem to be catching fire so you reverted back to some stunt queen 101 foolishess: You got your attacker on a remix to a song.

One more time: YOU HAD THE MAN WHO TRIED TO RE-ARRANGED YOUR FACE DROP A VERSE ON YOUR NEXT SINGLE. What in the fuck have you been smoking? (besides reeefer?) Your career took off after the assault. Many accused you of using it to sell albums. It didn't help that you released an album RIGHT after finally talking about it. I said "back up off her, it's her right..." You wanted to be the voice of battered women and give them strength. Is this how you do it? Ike beat the hell out of Tina. I'm guessing she came to some sort of peace over it, but you didn't see her bringing his ass up on stage to do "Proud Mary" You KNEW people were going to talk that talk (get it?) when they got wind of your collaborations (yes, that is an S, because you did a verse on his new single as well)

The RI-mixes came off as nothing but cheap publicity. Neither of you needed it. I get wanting to show that you are over it, but this just seemed like a bit much. Plus you still have all those girls out there who are ignorant enough to make comments like "Ohh CB is so hot he can beat my ass any day!" Not cool. It's one thing to forgive, but only a silly bitch forgets. Don't be a silly bitch. Remember, you WANTED to be a role model for young girls who were being abused. Beyond that, it is reported that your management team at Roc Nation was PISSED and tried it's hardest to block to singles from being released. They are trying to protect your image. If you aren't getting paid, then they aren't. Now you are missing with Baby Blue's money and Jay & Bey are NOT having that. Please take note that Jay actually took his latest pop princess, Rita Ora to the radio to introduce her new single. You think he did that for ALexis Jordan? Hell to the naw.

Do I think Rita has the potential to replace you? Eh, that's up for debate. She seems to be more in the lane of Katy Perry or Jessie J (girls who can really sing) but still... You can't take what you have for granted. You aren't a great singer. You aren't a great dancer. You can pose your ass off, I will give you that. Keep in mind that for packaged artists like yourself it all comes down to who is working with you.

1.) Ester Dean: She writes most of your biggest hits. She was just signed to Roc Nation

2.) Star Gate: They produced most of your biggest hits. They have been part of Roc Nation since the jump

OK, so if you keep playing games and fucking around your writer and producers will be contractually obligated to ignore your Barbadosian (I didn't feel like googling the real term) ass. Think about that the next time you want to be all rebellious and shit. I hope I wasn't too harsh on you. I do this because I love you. Well that and because I have a lot of free time now. I am including some footage of this Rita chick so you can see who people are saying is in line to snatch your wig. Study up. Remember you are a bad bitch and can do things without cheap stunts.



Sincerely,

Ian

BHM Day 26: Jay Z

Today's BHM spotlight lands on Mr. Carter. You may know him as Jay Z. I simply refer to him as Beyonce's sperm donor. He really deserves it. I'm guessing you want to know why, so here goes:

Jay Z is not what one would call classically attractive. He has been called Joe Camel and has very exaggerated features. I know that when I heard Bey was carrying his seed, I prayed the baby would look like the mother. My prayers were answered. Jay is a man who embodies the idea of Swagger. Yes, that word is hella overused, but I think it fits him. The man had enough swagger to land the hottest chick in the game. He has style and knows how to wear clothes well. He is the epitome of working with what you've been given. Way to prove that "ugly" dudes can win in love/life!!

Jay is a taste maker. People want to be like him. When he started wearing throwback jerseys they flew off shelves. He then switched it up and started with tailored suits and people took note. People wanted to drink Cristal until he deemed their comments racist and now you couldn't give Cris away in the club for free. Ok that's a lie. I love champagne and was taught to never turn away a free drink. Ok, that's another lie...no one ever taught me that, but I feel like that's just common sense. Unless it's like from some sketchy ass person and has a high chance of containing roofies, I'mma drink that drink. O KKK?! Moving on.

He is a business, MAN, not just a businessman. See what I did there? Ok I stole that from him, but it's totally fitting. He is a major person in the industry. He left Def Jam to be on his own at Roc Nation. Granted, he hasn't really put out too many people yet, aside from a few WIllow Smith singles and albums from J Cole, Cheryl Lloyd and Alexis Jordan, but it's beyond album sales. He is taking control of his music and brand. He manages Rihanna and has signed on the likes of Ester Dean and Stargate (the writer and producers of smashes across different genres) He is basically making money hand over fist. Baby Blue's college fund is looking REALLY good at these times...

Lastly, I do think the man is talented. After watching "Fade to Black" and seeing how the man works, I must admit that I gained a new respect for him. To be relevant in rap over the age of 40 is no easy feat and he shows no signs of slowing down. Gotta love a man who is constantly evolving and who claims his children! (we're going to overlooked that alleged baby you had with that chick a few years back Jay) Enjoy your day in the light, Shawn!