That's Gay

So today started out like most any other day. I woke up, cursed the fact that I was up so early for no apparent reason and then went in to work later on in the day. Nothing remarkable really happened until...wait for it... I GOT HATE CRIMED!!! "Oh Ian, quit being dramatic" is probably what an insensitive fuck would say, but I'm assuming that no one who reads my blog (all 3 of you) is a fuck. Let me set the scene:

It's a somewhat busy Saturday in a kids section of one of the nation's largest clothing retailers. Ian is putting out some merchandise and trying to work on some Rihanna choreography in his head at the same time. A lady who looks like the stereotypical suburban house mom approaches Ian.

SHM Hi are you busy?

Ian: Hi, what's up?

SHM: *holds up some shorts* are these too gay for a 13 y/o boy?

Ian: *thinking he misunderstood what she says and gives her the benefit of the doubt* Personally, I don't love those shorts. I am a solid or more of a plaid guy, but that's just my preference

SHM: Oh, true. Yeah, they are kind of gay

Ian: *at this point is sure what he heard was right the first time, now begins to bite his lip before he says something to get him fired* Oh. Umm, well yeah, like I said, they aren't everyone's taste...

SHM: I mean, no offense, but you know... They're pretty gay

Ian: *is praying that his lip isn't permanently bruised from the intense biting, talks into his walkie talkie and excuses himself*




SO yeah, that's how it went down. I was annoyed for a few reasons:
1.) Just days after people were dancing in the streets because our President said that he felt gays should be able to marry, I am hearing people say this. Funny enough I was just discussing hours beforehand how I thought it interesting that people were getting worked into this tizzy over such a simple statement that doesn't fundamentally change much. I compared it to a baby step in the right direction, actually. If people still are talking like this, I'm going to need more leaps and less baby steps. Seriously, first GCB gets cancelled and now this!? What a rollercoaster week for team zest!


2.) I was so shocked and taken off guard that I didn't say anything. I'm no fighter. I'm a lover. Ok, that's a lie. I don't throw punches, but I pride myself with my use of words. I am rarely at a loss for words. Today I simply froze up and was taken over by a feeling of "is this broad serious!?" This leads me to my third point:

3.) I have been thinking of things to say and do since it happened. I could have spoken with a lisp and snapped my fingers while calling her "GURL" I could have been like "those shorts aren't really gay, but you know what is? BUTTSEX!" I just keep on thinking "Ian, you are funnier than that" Like maybe I not going to change her mind, as she CLEARLY knew the term was offensive, but I should have at least made her squirm for my enjoyment.



Anyway, well I guess once again, writing has made me feel better. Hopefully if and when this happens in the future I'll be ready to throw more shade than an oak tree and to read a bitch like the hunger games.