Monday, September 29, 2008

Let's Get Political!

Ok, so when I typed the title of this entry, I was thinking of "Let's Get Physical" It made me giggle like a schoolgirl. If you didn't get it, then you can bite me. There, I said it. Anyway, I was looking at videos online today and I came across this Chris Rock interview with Larry King. My alleged twin was funny as hell in my opinion and made some valid points. When asked about how he felt about a black man running his answer was similar to what I always say. I am proud of Obama for being such a GOOD candidate, not just a black one. Neither Chris, nor myself, would be as thrilled if it were Flavor Flav running for the presidency. The interview is kind of long, but it's worth your time.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

New Music: Pocketbook

So my boy Max sent me an email putting me up on the new song by Jennifer Hudson called Pocketbook. I think it's produced by Timbaland. It's interesting because the beat is like someone beatboxing and her flow over it has a throwback feel to it. Ludacris appears and I really love him. The song is sassy for a few reasons:

1.) She repeatedly says "Don't make me hit you with my pocketbook!" Is that you granny? Maybe it's a southern thing, but I think people using the word pocketbook just sounds so 1940. I think I'mma use this as a threat for the next week

2.)"You ain't the only one trying to get under my skirt now"- girl you so nasty! You can't be showing your puakenikeni after you marry Punk. Does he have a real name? Is he always that glossy?

3.) "I've got my hair in a ponytail"-- I love ponytails! Now that's she's an official artist with an album and a second movie, I bet she's able to afford her own clip on ponytails. Say goodbye to the days when she'd pick up Beyonce's leftover jumbo silky #5 and make her own. That shit brings a tear to me eye. For real!

4.) "They say I stride like a model, got curves like a bottle"- She's embracing her thickness and being sexy as hell. Go on Effie, go on!!

You can listen to it here: (and by listen, I mean dL)

Pocketbook: http://www.zshare.net/audio/186680921152ed9d/

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Validation!

If you know anything about me you should know of my love of skittles, false pony-tails and interviewing people. I really need to get a mic for the bar (read: buy me one for christmas, bitches!) so I can really start prepping to take over Oprah's spot. This is the first interview that I'm posting and it's from Adam, who is from Chicago. He was here visiting friends of mine and I had limited interaction with him. I did, however, get him to basically validate my feelings of being completely awesome. It's awesome what people will say when you have a mic (or fist that you call a mic) in front of their face. Please note my mating call at the end.


Monday, September 15, 2008

Genius!

It's pretty rare that a music video comes along and really stands out to me. This one comes courtesy of Gnarls Barkley. It's from a few months back, but I was thinking about it today randomly. I often like to think of new and innovative ways to be cunty and dramatic when breaking up with someone. I've never really had to do so, so my mind tends to run wild with the possibilities. Here are a couple ideas:

1.) Launch into Effie White's speech/song from Dreamgirls. (complete with clutching my gut and giving off all that jennifer hudson raw emotion)

2.) Just say no. As in, "Ian, this isn't working out and I want to end this." I'd say "No." and change the subject.

3.) Launch into the "You told Harpo to beat me" speech from the Colour Purple. I know it's not really relevant, but it's hella dramatical and stuff.

4.) Say "Raise your hand if you're dating me!!! Oh, about that...you should probably put your hand down. We need to talk."

Anyway, I like how this video is really telling a story. One that people can relate to. Not too long ago, I had to cut a conversation short because it was going down the "You are a great guy and I hope you find happiness" bullshit. I had asked that we move on because it was starting to sound way too much like an old episode of Dawson's Creek, or some other WB teen drama.

Trend: Booty Booty Booty Booty

Rockin' everywhere! The new trend for the week is booty! I have come across not one, but two videos on all sorts of random blogs talking about booty and thing that go in it. The first one comes from one of my favourite shows, Lockup. I am uncertain if it's a parody or not, but it looks pretty f'ing official to me. Reason 123712319232-d why my ass is TERRIFIED of going to prison:



Best Quote: "I like booty."

This next clip is of Karrine Steffans, who wrote a book about sucking dick. AND PEOPLE BOUGHT IT?! Really, only in America will a folks buy a book reading about someone else's ho exploits. I guess those checks are running low, so she's using her kitty box once again to gain some attention. She's putting Eddie Winslow (I know that's not his name, but he'll always be Eddie in my heart) on blast!



Best Quote: "I got ass dust in my hair!"
1.) that's not your hair. don't act like you can't detatch it and throw that shit in the washer machine
2.) I'm sure you've had much worse in your hair. Let's be real here. I think we all know this isn't your first time at the rodeo.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Why Technology is Bad

I have this affliction, where I think it's alright to drink large amounts of booze and call/text people. This is part of the reason why I like to have a few friends that live in time zones that are a few hours behind me. My annoying, drunken 3am call ET becomes a cute, latenight chat with my friends on the west coast. Smart, right? Because I hate dealing with fall out of what I said the night before, I have tried to really cut back on drunk texting and dialing. I had a relapse a few weeks ago and ended up calling someone who I had written off completely. I was shocked they were still even in my phone. It lead to a reconciliation. Who says drinking is bad and ruins people's lives? SHOW ME THE RECEIPTS, DIANE!!

I was actually laying in bed yesterday in my drawers a t shirt for the first 3 hours I was awake. Amy Winehouse was playing and I was just enjoying having nothing to do (note: this is false, I actually had about 14 chapters of pharmacology to read and I needed to prep for exam. ANd I wonder why I'm so far behind...) I was talking to Jarrod, with whom I just started speaking to recently and I said "I was really drunk last night and didn't call or text you! aren't you proud!?" He was. I was receiving texts throughout the day from people saying they were sorry for what happened the night before or they were telling me that they were still drunk even though it was approaching noon. Needless to say THursday night at PI was one for the books.

My phone now saves a million text messages and I just happened to come across one I sent to my friend, Rachel. Rachel and I aren't the type that talk often. We talk like every 6-8weeks max. I still love her and I think she loves me. I guess my love of her made me decide to text her at 3:30am This is what I wrote:

Why am I so easy to pass on? Like seriously, I'm nice, low maint and I'm hung. OK, that's a lie, but whatever"

Who says that?! I mean really. She never responded to me, which I find rude, but whatever. Rachel has seen me in pretty bad shape. I have seen her in worse (haha) but we don't judge. We still love each other and totally rip on one another for our drunken antics. I guess one can consider my drunken communcations a perk of Ian having your phone number stored.

Breakdown



This is the ULTIMATE song for anyone who is going through some thangs. It came on my iPod last week in the midst of a mini crisis. The lyrics always seem to resonate with me. I have always liked this video for a few reasons:

1.) This is right after she left Tommy and came to the conclusion that showing one's chesticles 24/7 is necessary. Can we just talk about how massive they are looking here? Motorboat anyone?

2.) Gratuitous use of slow motion. I give Mariah full credit for using slow motion to make her videos that much more dramatic and over the top. The hair blowing in the wind and the crazy hand motions look beautiful when slowed down to 1/10 of the normal speed.

3.) When her hair is straight and slicked back she reminds me of my mom in some old photos I saw. My mom wasn't wearing garters and coochie cutters. Well, I don't think she was. THen again, I wouldn't put it past my mom. Oh lawd, mama no!!!

4.) I like how instead of just walking around and crying, she is in Vegas being sexy. Then she's kinda sad and pensive while laying down.(1:32) Then, oh wait, she's back up prancing around in a bikini top and being all cutesy (1:36) Like Lil' Kim says, "You can't keep a good bitch down!" Mimi is serving up a heaping platter of raw emotions, and I for one, want seconds!! This display of manic depressive tendancies should have been a sign, y'all. Errybody and they mamas was shocked when she ended up on TRL stripping and handing out ice cream.

Anyway, I love this song and think everyone else should do the same. It's a classic in my heart and has gotten me through many bleak times and I'm sure it'll get me through the bleak times ahead. So, if I was Oprah status, right about now is when I'd tell you to look under your seats to find every Mariah Carey CD & DVD released. I'm not on that level...yet. I mean, you can look, but don't get mad when you find some dust bunnies and a random sock.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

A Picture is Woth a Thousand Words

But Nikeysha's booty chatter ain't worth ish. I'll get to that in a big..

I love the new opening for ANTM. Tyra is in this corset thing and her tig ol bitties are trying their damndest to break out. All the models look really pretty.


The girls start out with a posing lesson from Benny Ninja. He's whatever to me. He's like a paler version of Jay Alexander. I enjoy how he makes the models do dumb shit and tries to pass it off as genius posing. "I'm gonna have you girls get in these fabric tubes and pose!!" Umm, they looked like big ass sonograms or something. Sheena showed up and showed out by doing some Pussycat Doll stretches. Just when you think you can't love her anymore, she goes and pulls this out of her box of tricks. Baby Kimora is giving me that yella fevah and I'm only like 3 minutes into the show!

The girls go home and deccide to get in the pool to play truth or dare! YAY! Do grown ass people still play this game? Just asking...Elina gets the chance to make out with Clark (who acts all conservative but I'm sure she kisses chicks after a Mike's Hard Lemonade or two) Hannah pushes Isis because she feels like Isis was in her personal space. First hate crime of the season!! Yay! She is from a small town and isn't used to people being sexual. When Sheena talks to her about it, she talks about not acting black. That's a quick way to get knocked the F. out. with a house full of ethnic girls. You've been warned .

They show Isis taking her hormone injections and I thought I was going to pass out. Keeping it moving... The girls show up and find Benny Ninja wearing a tiny hat. Let me just say that I have a thing for tiny hats. They make mem really happy. It was glittery, gold and was probably fitting for a chiahuahua. GENIUS! The girls have a challenge where they model accessories. It was really awkward..Sheena put her leg behind her head and put the purse in front of her puakenikeni. I may have to stop watching this show is she gets eliminated.

The girls get together and call the racist girl a racist and she's upset. She buddies up with McKey who looks like the girl from species (Natasha Hen...who cares) Smart, I'd totally buddy up with the person in the house who does ultimate fighting.

This week's shoot is supposed to be on hot air balloon. The did it on a crane pretty close to the ground, which isn't as scary. These girls are so spoiled. I miss the old ANTM when Tyra would dangle them and make girls cry. Sheena holds onto the ladder using only her cheeks. I wonder if she's single? I know she is down with the swirl. I'm sure if she met me, she's go black boy crazy. Isis looked like, umm a man. That's understandable, but Nikeysha looking like one is unacceptable. Check that adam's apple y'all!

I like how they show Tyra in photoshoots before judging. Retired model my ass. Nikeysha gets called out for being too skinny. Tyra is a hater!I have to give old girl her respect, her face looks really good. Now if only we could get her to stop raising the roof. Awkward Majorie takes an awesome photo and I'm not shocked. She's this season's Shandy/Heather and I've seen it before. Same script different cast. She'l continue taking bomb ass photos but lacking confidence and it'll get old REALLY FAST. Stop. Sheena gets called out for being Hooch. Shocker. She is wearing some coochie cutters and a low tank top. Paulina asks if her breasts are real. WHy do you care, ya big lez?! Kidding. Sheena says they are but later steps up and comes clean. When she is all 'Hold up, something ain't sitting right with me with what you said" I thougth she was going to tell Tyra to suck it. Sadly she says that she lied only because it was something she did when she was young that she regrets.

THe bottom two end up being the two suspect females (Isis and Nikeysha) Nikeysha gets the boot and continues talking way too damn much. Get that broad a muzzle, stat! Tyra promptly shuts her the F up so she can give Isis her photo. Nikeysha then asks to walk for Miss J. Hungry and desperate. Go home with some grace, woman! Her exit interview gets cut off by the credits which is hilarious, as she is talking about talking too much.

Next week is makeover week. I knows there's a god! I cannot wait!

Quotable



So the other day I was talking to Max, and we dusted off an oldie, but goodie. Please take note of this video around :32. We like saying "Ohh you so ghetto...but not like Ugh, you so ghetto!" You can totally change ghetto to country, different, alternative..the possibilities are endless. It's all in the way you say it. When I found this clip I forgot about how it ends. "can I call you a bitch?!" Haha the response is even better "No you cannot call me a muthafucking bitch! That isn't my government name!" Government name. Really!? I love it. I used that when someone was like "My name is ADONIS!!" I was like "Umm, did your mama name you that? Is that your government name? Can I see your ID please" He was not pleased with me. I told him to drink a Snapple and keep it moving. Notice, his ass never showed me his ID. SUSPECT!!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Fashion Rocks

I almost went into conniptions last week when I thought I had missed Fashion Rocks. Thank the good lawd, I was only missing Stand Up to Cancer. Both shows have a lot of the same people, but on Fashion Rocks, they look much better. Apparently this show is a benefit for Stand Up to Cancer. Yay for fashion.

Ok, so RiRi opens this one up. You got one more show to open girl, before I give your ass the Hoe Sit Down Award. You've been warned. She does "Vogue" and does a great job. I don't think she was really singing, but after the VMAs, I think it's for the best. She was doing enough on the stage to warrant not singing live. They kept on teasing us with elements of "Please Don't Stop the Music" but never came through.

Wow, Dennis Leary just made fun of fat girls in skinny jeans. I can say that shit, but no one pays attention to me. Shame on you! I kid. I don't care. I giggled.

Beyonce!! Okay, so now I get her new unfortunate hair.I blame you, Etta James!! She really likes to throw herself into her movies. First, she dropped 20lbs for Dreamgirls, now she's rocking this "'do" It's really making me think of a blond Elvis wig. Girl, leave your hair and makeup on the set like everyone else. You didn't see Charlize Theron rocking trucker lesbian chic while promoting "Monster" I'm just saying...

Fergie is playing homage to Blondie. I was nervous/hoping she ws going to sing barracuda. I kind of live for seeing her do one handed cartwheels. It's so fucking random. This song allows her to scream, which I am sure thrills her to no end. Debbie Harry comes out and sounds kinda better than Fergie and looks like an Madonna when she was Asian/Tyra from this season of ANTM. Please watch this at around 3:12 without busting up laughing. I dare you.



Keith Urban. I'm not really into country. But his hair looks like he spent a lot of time on it. Good for him. Gold Star!

LL Cool J? His ass is popping up everywhere! Girl, I thought you were dead! Glad he's still doing stuff. He introduces Chris Brown. He has an alarmingly short torso. He sings "Forever" which I kind of like, but is kinda cheesy in an Olympic Theme sort of way.

Duffy sings like she's got soul, but watching her perform reminds us that she is, in fact, just a white girl from Europe. At least Amy Winehouse has that crackhead shimmy.

Justin Timberlake saves face for white folk all over the world. I love "Got to Give it Up" by Marvin. Kid Rock's ass again? Maybe I'm the lame one, but I had no clue he was even relevant. I thought once the midget died, his career died. Mary J I guess comes out to replace Joe C (how I remembered his name is beyond me) She's rocking all white and showing off all her thickness. I dare Dennis to say something about her. Mary may have had a breakthrough, but I think you and I know that she still has a blade under her tongue. Real Talk.

Beyonce has a hair change and has slipped into some long and silky yaki. She's rocking a pantsuit from her Goldmember days. There you go again B, stealing costumes from your movies. Child, cool it now! She and Justin have a great duet and I'm thinking they could have some real Jungle Fever. She's gone white boy crazy! He's gone black girl hazy!!

Ohh, MIMI is coming out. She's singing "That Chick" I think it's funny because they play it at work and I'm pretty sure all the drug references in this song went over someody's head. "I'm like that Ohh wee your feigning to blaze up" Her set has a moon like the one in studio 54. I didn't know that Mimi liked to umm "party" but that would explain SO much.

Timbaland brings out One Republic but I cannot deal right now. After watching the Hills tonight, I've come to the conclusion that emotional white folks make me emotional. Leave it to PCD to bring some levity. Timbaland was scaring me with these weird noises and jerking motions. Is that what a seizure looks like? Why do the other girls even hold mics?

Solange! She shows Duffy how to do a throwback performance right. I am glad Beyonce let her perform tonight. They show her in the audience singing along. Sit down and let your sister try to sing. You always have to show her ass up, don't cha?

There is the performance of the Stand Up to cancer song. Ciara and Ashanti? Really? I'm shocked as hell she made it through her 1.5 lines without saying "baby" She's really grown as an artist. Ok, so why did Beyonce change her hair back? Must she channel Etta James to fight cancer? Do I need an Etta James wig now? These are the questions that I need answers to!

Aaaaaaaand I'm done.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Throwback Joint: Jungle Fever



So the other day I was talking to someone I used to hang out with naked and they were like "I figured you'd only date whites" What is that supposed to mean? The way things have been going, I really cannot afford to deny a whole group of people like that. (please note: I am not hungry and desperate....yet) This song was the first thing to pop into my head. My sister used to sing this to me all the time because of my early love of white folks. (please note: my sister is rude and hateful at times) I love the line of "she's gone black boy crazy, I've gone white girl hazy" Not sure why, but it just makes me laugh.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

VM HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAys

Ok, so it's that time of year again when MTV tries to have an awards show that doesn't suck. THey used to be good once upon a time, but then BET came along and starting kicking ass. Last year's show sucked hardcore (and not in a good way) so the pressure is on to well, not suck (that much) Britney has been tapped to open the show. Glad to see her awake and aware of her surroundings this year! What a difference a day (and a court making her father handle her business/life) makes! Everyone made a big deal about Britney opening the VMAS, but it's all about RI Ri!! I know's there a god!

Rihanna comes out in this contraption that looks like she's popping out of a wedding cake or erupting out of a volcano. It's pretty different. She's so dark and different. There, I said it. Are you happy? I am one of RiRi's biggest stans, but I must say that she sounds kind of horrible. I guess thinking about being so different and edgy can take a toll on one's voice. ALSO, is she rocking a mullet? I cannot and WILL not endorse that fuckery! I prefer RiRi when she's giving us edgy pretty intead of this black barbie does to a Marilyn Manson concert.

This Russell character starts the show off by talking about politics. Vote for Barack! That's an easy ploy for applause. It seemed to have work. Music industry types are easy to win over I guess. Did he just make reference to Madonna getting it on with A Rod's baseball bat? Ew. I don't need that. I'm trying to eat my frosty y'all.

Britney wins the first VMA of the night and it's her first one ever. Who didn't see that coming? I bet they promised her that award and some Wendy's if she'd show up. They'd have to promise my ass something after last year's awards. I DO love the Wendy's! I see you Cirius!! (that's the awesome employee that works at the Wendy's across the street from me. She has purple hair but doesn't need it. I was smitten at Cirius)

This is my first exposure to the Jonas brothers and I'm not sure if I can explain what's going on inside of me. Is it possible for a VMA performance to make my balls shrivel up? I don't get it. This is creepier than Rihanna's "Disturbia" performance. Oh wait, it just got a little less boring. They opened the floodgates and now screaming girls and homosexual boys are going nuts for them.

Speaking of the gays, I am sure they love Katy Perry's dress. It has a bedazzled banana that she was able to peel!! WOW.

Lil' Wayne-hella dramatic intro by Leonna Lewis. I have to admit, he is a monster. Without a hype man yelling "clap ya hands!!" and being a general pain in the ass, he is able to keep the attention of my ADD ass.

PCD wins best dance video. Yay. Where the F is Mikey "My Lipgloss is Poppin'" Minden? He is the real star of the group. His zesty ass cracked me up on the PCD reality shows. Nicole didn't let the other broads talk. Typical.

Parramore-I don't see any black folks in the audience so i'm not going to comment on them. It's clear that Parramore and President Bush do not care about black people. Kidding. They gave a high energy performance and she sounds pretty good. Points for the banana yellow pants.

Miley introduces P!nk and I just love her speaking voice. She reminds me of every raspy voiced Theta I went to college with. I have a major thing for raspy voices. I wish I had one. P!nk's song is so damn catchy. I love it. It gets me going everytime. It makes me want to do the Kelly Clarkson "Since U Been Gone" bounce. Her tig ol bitty tried to make a run for it and i saw some sort of covering over her nip. It looks like bejewed duct tape. Classy.

What in the high hell has Jordin Sparks been sippin on? She is carrying a torch for the Jonas brothers or something, because she just snapped and said there's nothing wrong with wearing promise rings because "not everyone wants to be a slut" Simmer down. What you do with your coochie pot is your choice. Your coochie, your choice. Coochie! Damn, I love that word.

TI and Rihanna-The first song was a bore, but I have to give it to RiRi. She looked blazing when she struck her pose and made her entrance. This is the RiRi I know and love. She looks bossy as hell and I'm not even gonna rag on that blond cinnabon looking thing in the front of her hair. I'mma leave it alone. She sounds much better this time around.

XTina- Damn she looks good. New mothers all over the world are probably cussing her tiny ass out right now. This is exactly what Britney should have done last year--reminded us that she's been around for a decade and has had hits for days. Xtina has seemed to learn the art of lip synching from Brit. This song reminds me of Kiley Minogue. I like the song.

Britney wins best Pop video?! The hell?! Now I KNOW something ain't right. DK's 'DAMAGED" was way catchier and did better on the charts. How is MTV making their decisions? I just don't get it. It's not right and it certainly is NOT okay. I am sure when Aubrey has her meltdown, which is due any moment now, MTV will pump DK up and give them awards. ALso, please note that even thought Britney is cleaned up, she is still smacking her gum. She's so country y'all!! I bet she has Cheetos dust under her fingernails. On the upside, she wins Video of the year and her ass looks amazing.

Kanye- At first watch, I'm not sure I really get it. He sings now? Who knew. And for the recrod, the T Pain/Britney vocoder thing can really sit down for a minute. By the end of the song I think I was liking it. the performance was cunty and dramatic, much like Kanye.

Overall this show was waaaaaaaaaaaaay better than last year's. That doesn't say much, but whatever.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Throwback Joint: Get On The Bus



This week's throwback comes to us from Destiny's Child. Yesterday was Beyonce's birthday and I really should have posted this then, but I got drunk and forgot. Whoops. Because I fear her parents and her growing power (she's bound to reach Oprah status by 2012) I decided to go ahead and post this ASAP. This is a song that most people don't know, as it was on a movie soundtrack. I like this song for a few reasons

1.) It's Timbaland and even though it's an old song, it could still bang on the radio today

2.) I love a good breakup song

3.)Beyonce is all over the track and only lets Kelly get a verse in while she catches her breath

4.) It features the original members.

5.) Even though the video kinda looks like they had a budget of 100, they all look good and I actually enjoy the video. Way to make it work ladies.

Enjoy

Rihanna Award

I created this award after receiving an email yesterday that made me say "PLEASE!" out loud. RiRi says "Please" in "Take a Bow" and I love the way she says it, so I'm making an award out of it.

Drumroll please!
This week's award goes to he who shall not be named for having the audacity to ask me to do him a favour after he decided not to pay for rent this month. You are deciding to opt out of rent this month, I'm deciding to opt out of helping your ass. PLEASE!

**Max's ex roomate gets an honourable mention for pulling the same fuckery. I'mma move out and almost get your ass evicted, and then I'm gonna ask you for a reference. PLEASE!

Loyalty

Last night, I was talking to my friend Max about some dramatical events going on with his friends. So and so is mad at so and so for not being loyal. Blah blah blah. We started talking about what it means to be loyal to a friend and were basically on the same page with it. That is probably why we are good friends and have been so for this long. It's funny that that conversation totally foreshadowed what would happen later on in the night with my friends.
I'm not sure how I ended up at this point in the conversation, but basically I said "Don't be shocked when I stop talking to your ass if you try to hook up with someone that I was hooking up with." Yeah I know that everyone is some body's ex, but I think there are so many other people out there. Years ago, I was talking to someone and they ended up breaking my heart (it was really dramatic, like an episode of "The Hills") and a week or so later Max was like "_____ is cool, and we have so much in common...is it alright if we talk?" At the time I really think Max meant hang out with him, but I didn't care. I blew the fuck up and got all "ring the alarm" on his ass. Out of all the people in the world to befriend, why must you choose the one that broke my heart? To Max's credit, 1.) he asked permission and 2.) he respected my wishes.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I demand people ask for my permission all the time. I sure as hell don't. I had to laugh when someone tried to tell me it was ok to make out with someone. I was like "1.) I do what I want. 2.) We're not friends 3.) please see #1" I try to ask if I think my friend will be hurt. I've even been in the position where my friend has liked someone and they weren't interested in him, but they liked me. Technically this person was fair game for me, but I sat back and thought "how will my friend feel?" and "is this worth possibly hurting my friend?" Had I come to the conclusion that I felt love for this person and thought we'd be the next Bobby and Whitney, I would have had to sit my friend down and tell him how I felt.
This situation can be easily avoided. First, I surround myself with people with drastically different taste than me. That, way there is less temptation. Your friends should be your wingmen, not your competition. Second, I only mess with hoes in different area codes. Haha. No, but seriously, just remember, that bros really should come before hoes. (Unless said "hoe" is a grade A, top of the line, dime...then all bets are off. Every man for themselves!)

Brothers from Another Mother





Yesterday my sister in law and I were talking about different cultures. She told me that before she came to the US, Brits, Aussies and Americans all sounded the same to her. I talked about how all Asians used to look and sound the same until I knew some and now I can definitely distinguish between different nationalities. This got me thinking about how white people are always comparing me to other black folk that look nothing like me.

Case in point. The other day I was at Solstice, trying on some sunglasses (they were Armani and Tom Ford. Both looked pretty boss on me in case you wanted to get them for my birthday or new month's present). I was talking to the manager/an acquaintance of mine, when some lady ran up on me. First, don't do that to me. I am really jumpy and have no issue hitting a random woman in the face. Ok, that's a lie. I'd do it, but I'd feel guilty afterwards. Second, she was bossing me around being all "wait, try those on again! now the other ones!!" She was on the high of spending a few hundred on sunglasses, so I decided to amuse her. After pair number 1, she yells out "Lenny Kravitz!!" I then tried on the other ones and she yells out "Chris Rock!!" I was half tempted to make her try on her glasses and yell random white women at her: "Mary-Kate Olsen!! Anna Nicole! Cher! Michael Jackson!!"

Don't get me wrong, I am not mad at being called Lenny. I think he's good looking and a cool guy. I just don't think we look anything alike. The Chris Rock thing is whatever. I get that from people everywhere. I even looked at photos online to see if I was in denial. I still don't see it. I'd like to think that I'm unique. Maybe I'll start dating white people who think I look like hot, famous, black men. "See my man over there Ian? He's a dead ringer for that fine ass (insert name of random black male) and he's all mine! Holler!!"

Monday, September 1, 2008

Happy New Month!!

August is officially OVER! It really went by without too much fanfare. Initially I set out to be a better friend. I wanted to try to be better about staying connected with certain people that I have neglected. I also made August the month of forgiveness. I made it my point to forgive those who had pissed me off. Confucious says that having hate in your heart is like holding a hot coal in your bare hand that you plan to throw at someone. Basically hate is toxic and will do nothing good for you. With that mind set, and some liquid courage, I was able to text a blast from my past. We met for lunch and we hashed out a lot of things- some good, some bad (I almost had to get loud a couple times). Overall it was a good experience, as I got closure and got questions answered that I'd been left with. Now I'm pretty confident that we can be friends. If not, I know that it's not my fault and that I've at least tried. That hot coal has been extinguished and I feel so much better.

Now we move on to September. This month I was unsure of what I wanted to accomplish. These past couple of weeks I have been feeling that ansty feeling that comes around every couple months. I get bored with everything that is goign on in my life and I usually cure this antsy feeling by going on a trip. Sadly, I am broke and have no time to take any trips right now. Instead, I have come to conclusion that I need to focus on trying new things. It can be as simple as taking a different class at the gym or eating at a new restaurant, but I need to find a way to break the monotany. Now is the time to step up and step outside of my comort zone.

So here's to this month being better than the last!

Slang Lesson

Now that Labour Day is about wrapping up and summer is basically over, I thought this word would totally appropriate. Without further ado, I present the word for the day:

SQUIRRELIN'- verb
1.) To acquire numerous romantic prospects to ensure a cuddle buddy during the upcoming colder weather.


This word comes to us courtesy of Max Jones, my best friend. During the fall and winter months Max and his friends noticed the trend of people lining up ass for the cold months. Like a squirrel gathering nuts so he'll have something to feast on during a rough winter, so do busy bees.

Feel free to work this into your daily conversations.