Fashion Rocks

I almost went into conniptions last week when I thought I had missed Fashion Rocks. Thank the good lawd, I was only missing Stand Up to Cancer. Both shows have a lot of the same people, but on Fashion Rocks, they look much better. Apparently this show is a benefit for Stand Up to Cancer. Yay for fashion.

Ok, so RiRi opens this one up. You got one more show to open girl, before I give your ass the Hoe Sit Down Award. You've been warned. She does "Vogue" and does a great job. I don't think she was really singing, but after the VMAs, I think it's for the best. She was doing enough on the stage to warrant not singing live. They kept on teasing us with elements of "Please Don't Stop the Music" but never came through.

Wow, Dennis Leary just made fun of fat girls in skinny jeans. I can say that shit, but no one pays attention to me. Shame on you! I kid. I don't care. I giggled.

Beyonce!! Okay, so now I get her new unfortunate hair.I blame you, Etta James!! She really likes to throw herself into her movies. First, she dropped 20lbs for Dreamgirls, now she's rocking this "'do" It's really making me think of a blond Elvis wig. Girl, leave your hair and makeup on the set like everyone else. You didn't see Charlize Theron rocking trucker lesbian chic while promoting "Monster" I'm just saying...

Fergie is playing homage to Blondie. I was nervous/hoping she ws going to sing barracuda. I kind of live for seeing her do one handed cartwheels. It's so fucking random. This song allows her to scream, which I am sure thrills her to no end. Debbie Harry comes out and sounds kinda better than Fergie and looks like an Madonna when she was Asian/Tyra from this season of ANTM. Please watch this at around 3:12 without busting up laughing. I dare you.



Keith Urban. I'm not really into country. But his hair looks like he spent a lot of time on it. Good for him. Gold Star!

LL Cool J? His ass is popping up everywhere! Girl, I thought you were dead! Glad he's still doing stuff. He introduces Chris Brown. He has an alarmingly short torso. He sings "Forever" which I kind of like, but is kinda cheesy in an Olympic Theme sort of way.

Duffy sings like she's got soul, but watching her perform reminds us that she is, in fact, just a white girl from Europe. At least Amy Winehouse has that crackhead shimmy.

Justin Timberlake saves face for white folk all over the world. I love "Got to Give it Up" by Marvin. Kid Rock's ass again? Maybe I'm the lame one, but I had no clue he was even relevant. I thought once the midget died, his career died. Mary J I guess comes out to replace Joe C (how I remembered his name is beyond me) She's rocking all white and showing off all her thickness. I dare Dennis to say something about her. Mary may have had a breakthrough, but I think you and I know that she still has a blade under her tongue. Real Talk.

Beyonce has a hair change and has slipped into some long and silky yaki. She's rocking a pantsuit from her Goldmember days. There you go again B, stealing costumes from your movies. Child, cool it now! She and Justin have a great duet and I'm thinking they could have some real Jungle Fever. She's gone white boy crazy! He's gone black girl hazy!!

Ohh, MIMI is coming out. She's singing "That Chick" I think it's funny because they play it at work and I'm pretty sure all the drug references in this song went over someody's head. "I'm like that Ohh wee your feigning to blaze up" Her set has a moon like the one in studio 54. I didn't know that Mimi liked to umm "party" but that would explain SO much.

Timbaland brings out One Republic but I cannot deal right now. After watching the Hills tonight, I've come to the conclusion that emotional white folks make me emotional. Leave it to PCD to bring some levity. Timbaland was scaring me with these weird noises and jerking motions. Is that what a seizure looks like? Why do the other girls even hold mics?

Solange! She shows Duffy how to do a throwback performance right. I am glad Beyonce let her perform tonight. They show her in the audience singing along. Sit down and let your sister try to sing. You always have to show her ass up, don't cha?

There is the performance of the Stand Up to cancer song. Ciara and Ashanti? Really? I'm shocked as hell she made it through her 1.5 lines without saying "baby" She's really grown as an artist. Ok, so why did Beyonce change her hair back? Must she channel Etta James to fight cancer? Do I need an Etta James wig now? These are the questions that I need answers to!

Aaaaaaaand I'm done.