An Open Letter to Rihanna

Hey Ri!

It's me Ian. I haven't written you in awhile, but I've been busy and shit. You know how that goes! Ok K K?! Anyway, I'm going to get straight to the point. WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH YOU!? I have stood by your side through the good times and through your beatdowns. Hell, I was even there through the Sideshow Bob hair. How do you repay me!? By acting a damned donkey, that's how.

I remember when you were talking to Diane Sawyer about the Chris Brown "incident" and feeling sick to my stomach. I went through it for you. I bought (yes paid my US dollars for it) "Rated R" and even though people thought it was dark and moody, it really struck a chord with me. I think it's your best album to date. Then you lightened up and got LOUD. You seemed like you were ready to leave the drama behind and have fun again. That a girl! Shake off that negative and do something fun! You quickly put out 2424230 singles and had your sights set on the next project.

Now, we are in the Talk that Talk era and I guess sales aren't what you wanted. After the smash success of "WE Found Love" people were surprised that you didn't kill on the charts. "You Da One" apparently didn't do what it should have, which is weird since i LOVE that song, so you rushed to a Jay Z assisted track, "Talk That Talk" Even that song doesn't seem to be catching fire so you reverted back to some stunt queen 101 foolishess: You got your attacker on a remix to a song.

One more time: YOU HAD THE MAN WHO TRIED TO RE-ARRANGED YOUR FACE DROP A VERSE ON YOUR NEXT SINGLE. What in the fuck have you been smoking? (besides reeefer?) Your career took off after the assault. Many accused you of using it to sell albums. It didn't help that you released an album RIGHT after finally talking about it. I said "back up off her, it's her right..." You wanted to be the voice of battered women and give them strength. Is this how you do it? Ike beat the hell out of Tina. I'm guessing she came to some sort of peace over it, but you didn't see her bringing his ass up on stage to do "Proud Mary" You KNEW people were going to talk that talk (get it?) when they got wind of your collaborations (yes, that is an S, because you did a verse on his new single as well)

The RI-mixes came off as nothing but cheap publicity. Neither of you needed it. I get wanting to show that you are over it, but this just seemed like a bit much. Plus you still have all those girls out there who are ignorant enough to make comments like "Ohh CB is so hot he can beat my ass any day!" Not cool. It's one thing to forgive, but only a silly bitch forgets. Don't be a silly bitch. Remember, you WANTED to be a role model for young girls who were being abused. Beyond that, it is reported that your management team at Roc Nation was PISSED and tried it's hardest to block to singles from being released. They are trying to protect your image. If you aren't getting paid, then they aren't. Now you are missing with Baby Blue's money and Jay & Bey are NOT having that. Please take note that Jay actually took his latest pop princess, Rita Ora to the radio to introduce her new single. You think he did that for ALexis Jordan? Hell to the naw.

Do I think Rita has the potential to replace you? Eh, that's up for debate. She seems to be more in the lane of Katy Perry or Jessie J (girls who can really sing) but still... You can't take what you have for granted. You aren't a great singer. You aren't a great dancer. You can pose your ass off, I will give you that. Keep in mind that for packaged artists like yourself it all comes down to who is working with you.

1.) Ester Dean: She writes most of your biggest hits. She was just signed to Roc Nation

2.) Star Gate: They produced most of your biggest hits. They have been part of Roc Nation since the jump

OK, so if you keep playing games and fucking around your writer and producers will be contractually obligated to ignore your Barbadosian (I didn't feel like googling the real term) ass. Think about that the next time you want to be all rebellious and shit. I hope I wasn't too harsh on you. I do this because I love you. Well that and because I have a lot of free time now. I am including some footage of this Rita chick so you can see who people are saying is in line to snatch your wig. Study up. Remember you are a bad bitch and can do things without cheap stunts.



Sincerely,

Ian