Oh Make Me Over

Tonight is the night that I wait for all cycle: MAKEOVERS. It’s the time when people are given chances to get new looks given to them courtesy of top names in the industry. One would think they’d be excited, but no, they cry. How are you going to be a model but get all dramatic(al) when someone chops off your hair. We live in the age of Beyonce. Even the baldest of bitches can come out with the phoniest of ponies and make it their own. It’s only hair and it’ll grow back (usually) If not, buy some from your nearest yaki provider and call it a day. And hell, if Tyra gives you a busted do, don’t get mad. It’s not like you paid for it. It cost free.99 and we all know you get what you pay for.

Jessica: The pretty Puerto Rican. She is still pretty, but they made her edgy by cutting it and adding red to it. So daring.

Sandra: They gave her blonde hair. Now if they could make her less of a twat, that’d be a miracle

Allison (The Meerkat): Got a head full of luscious blonde locks. Now she looks like a Meerkat with a mermaid wig

Nijah: I can’t tell what they did. Maybe an upgrade to her weave?

Fo: Apparently was too “cute” so they made her look like a boy. Tyra is hateful.

Celia: Apparently her hair was as dry as Ghandi’s sandal and they cut it off. She still has a musy face to me.

Aminat: They took out her fro weave (I didn’t even know those existed) and Miss Jay rocked it as a shawl and then he placed it on his/her head. What the hell? Did his mother not teach him better than to wear the weave of others? That’s just nasty. Her fro is gone and they gave her some Naomi weave. Now she reminds me of Tiffany with a dash of Camille. Let’s hope no bitch pours beer in this weave.

Kortnie: went read to match her orange skin.

London: looks like she’s wearing and Andy Warhol wig. I once made out with someone who looked to be wearing the same wig, so I’m not at it.

Natalie: OH hell naw. They went in to chop of some girl’s hair and she was like “WAIT!” then she bobbed and weaved her way away from the shears. The stylist threw his hands up in a gay fit and stormed off. Turns out they weren’t going to do anything to her. Tyra liked her as is. It was a lesson in trust and apparently this broad failed.

Teyona: Tyra is obsessed with her alien like face and keeps on referring to the wind tunnel effect. I’d knock Tyra’s ass out for talking greasy about me like that. She don’t know these girls like that! Anyway, she gives ol girl a long luscious weave that is supposed to look like a jherri curl. IT’s 2009. WHAT THE F. The hair is alright, but now when I see Teyona, all I can think of is ET got his hands on a case of Soul Glow. I’ll be checking couches to see if she leaves stains on the cushions Tyra has ruined this girl for me!

Tahlia: Got a big blonde weave to look like a lion. ? Umm ok? Fo gives her a side eye and starts to cry. Sandra makes fun of her obviously and points to the fact that she’s crying like a little girl. Actually, now she looks like a little boy, Sandra. The correct phrase is “she’s crying like a little boy”

Back at the house, Fo brings up her food stamp past and talks about how ugly she feels. Ho, sit down.
The girls go to meet with a Covergirl Rep who look suspiciously like Blossom. What ever happened to her? Has the recession hit her ass to? Is this why she’s doing bootleg promotion for covergirl? How dreadful!
Aminat was told not to get drunk by Sandra. Why the black girls gotta hate on each other? Aminat was NOT happy and says the quote of the night “ Keep it cute, or put it on mute” HAHA I am going out tonight JUST so I can use that on someone. Real talk.

Anyway, the shoot was about the girls lighting themselves with things that looked like curling irons. Nigel shot the girls and for the most part they were boring. Fo cried again. On set. In front of Nigel. Who does that?! Judging had it moments. For instance, when Nole suggested a model sit on the glow stick to give her a more exciting expression. Aminat got called out for doing the sixth grade ghetto girl pose. (bent over, one hand on hip. Don’t act like you don’t know) Rosie Perez take the wheel! Teyona’s weave apparently is busted so she will have to get it done over. I enjoyed when Fo lied about loving her hair and Tyra was like “No you don’t. I don’t believe you!” Straight up called her a liar! You don’t lie to your mama, the doctor or TYRA. Fo you should know better.

Jessica went home. She was pretty and all but she kinda sucked. I think Tyra cast her just to cut her ass. Gotta deflate the egos of these bitches. Fo cried some more. I look forward to the rest of the season with her crying over being biracial, freckled, short, on food stamps, type O negative. There are TONS of reasons for her to cry.