Super Freak!

I would like to share a true story from my life:

On Saturday, I was off and my roomate's parents came by to help her clean up the place a bit. (yay for cleaning) I left and went to the gym in an attempt to get it tight(er) and right(er). When I came back I talked to my roomate's parents and they left a little while after that. At that time, my roomate, told me a story about an awkward situation that occurred when cleaning out her closet:

So apparently my roomate, like every red blooded American, has things in her closet that a parent need not see. She went into the closet and made sure she hid such things before her mom came to help her clean. One of these items happened to have been a bright green strip of about 5 or six condoms. This was placed behind a laundry basket that was sure to remain untouched. Wrong. My roomate's mother moved the basket to organise the closet and my roomate saw the strip of condoms and immediately said that they were mine. She didn't name our other roomate that just moved out and who is dead to us, but me! She alleged that I gave her the condoms to hide from my boo. (at the time of publication I am VERY single) So this leads to two possible assumptions:

1.) I am a freaky man whore who is trying to hide his shady activities
2.) I buy condoms but instead of using them, I hide them in the closet next door

I was totally kidding about making "Freak Like Me" my theme song. I'm not even like that. I haven't had a need for condoms since like the 80s. It matters not, as my roomate's mother probably only sees me as some Rick James super freak now. Awesome. I get all the stigma of being busy without the benefits.