Dieting Divas: A Cause for Concern?

So I don't know if you are all aware that we have a cause that I need your help supporting. What cause is this? Child Obesity? Naw Michelle Obama has that. Animal rights? No, Peta scares me. Sweatpants? I'd probably have to quit my job to fight this one 24/7. The issue I speak of is the dieting diva. I am all about health and all that crap, but I feel like chunk helps the vocals. When you think of a diva in the operatic sense, you think of a fat woman rocking a viking helmet. Well at least I do.

Now, I know there are some people out there who are going to say "Ian, weight has nothing to do with vocal abilities" To those people I say "shut the hell up and go play in traffic! Don't come for me!" I get it. Christina Aguilera came out weighing 98lbs dripping wet and belting with the best of them. Mariah used to be thin. Then she got chunky. Now she's thin. Whitney is thin (and I think you and I BOTH know why...) and claimed that she will NEVER be fat as it is unhealthy. Funny enough, her face is looking REAL chubby at these times. I just guess I look at Luther Vandross. I felt like skinny Luther sounded different than team chunk Luther. It may sound crazy, but then again so is half of the shit that comes out of my mouth. Is it wrong that I want to keep these voices in good condition while also preventing the bobble head look? I'm staring DEAD at you Jennifer Hudson.

I blame Jennifer Hudson for all of this. She kicked it off with her Weight Watchers campaign. IT was so successful, that my friend's mom who lives in the middle of a flat state was inspired to give it a try. Now we have Mariah for Jenny. She looks great as seen in the above photo. Now even Janet is on board with Nutri System. She is a notorious yo-yo dieter, so this should be interesting. But Janet is a dancer so she has an unfair advantage over the others who simply wave their hands about in the air.

I probably shouldn't be so alarmed by this trend and instead should be excited about the fact that these people are trying to stay relevant and create a buzz which means that they might be plotting a return while Beyonce tries to figure out the physics of doing the choreography for "Single Ladies" while wearing a baby bjorn. Please just marinate on that mental image for a bit. I will just wait over here... I really hope these women are coming out with music that will impress me, which is will be even harder given my "skinny bitches probably can't cook/sing" mentality. So to them, I say: BRING. IT. ON.

Also, can I just recommend that if Aretha decides to endorse some weight loss program that she uses Mariah's "Touch My Body" as her song selection. That would really make my life complete.