Lessons in Cunty Dramacality: Christina Aguilera

Today's lesson comes courtesy of one Christina Aguilera. With the passing of one her idols, she was able to sing Etta's signature song at her funeral. It's no secret that she loves this song and sings it quite often. She sang the HELL out of this song. She went ahead and took us all to church. She reminded us all that her vocal gymnastics and hand gestures are NOT to be fucked with. So bow down! Ok with the facts having been stated, let's get down to some real talk:

1.) Should I just go ahead and accept that Xtina is now curvy as hell and move on? Is she planning to get on that Mariah tip and call Jenny? Is she just holding out for a fatter (get it?) deal? Is she thankful that Adele made it ok for a plus sized white chick with big pipes to be a hit?

2.) Who is styling Christina these days?

3.) How much do you want to bet that they tried to perform an exorcism on her ass before she left the church?


I guess part of me is glad that she doesn't give a fuck. She's all "God made these titties, so I'mma put em on display. What?" I had a hard time focusing on anything besides suppressing the urge to motorboat her. That's what's fun about X-tina: child birth? She's still gonna talk dirty. At a Funeral? she's still gonna remind us that her tatas are in fact, quite impressive. I guess stick to what you know girl!

Also, is she still making music? I mean Bionic flopped (I still thought it was an ok album) but she was on one of this year's biggest singles ("Move Like Jagger") so you think she'd try to strike while the iron was hot. Guess not. I can't do it all for you Chrissy, I need you to want it for yourself.